Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.[/b]
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can.
He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!".
After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
Three married guys die and meet Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
Peter asks the first guy, "Did you ever cheat on your wife?"
The guy answers truthfully, "Every chance I got."
Peter points to two doors, telling the guy to enter the second one.
He then turns to the second guy, asking him, "Did you ever cheat on your wife?"
"A couple of times," the guy mutters.
Peter tells him to take door two.
Peter asks the third guy, "Did you ever cheat on your wife?"
The guy thinks for a couple of seconds and says, "Well, once. You see, I was in this saloon in Texas, and I noticed they only had one cowgirl working there to take care of all of the guys.
I asked the bartender how come, and he said 'Well,she's all we need. That filly can suck a baseball bat through a garden hose.' So that's when I cheated on my wife."
Peter then told the guy to enter door number one.
The guy asks, "What's the deal? You sent the others to door number two?"
Peter says, "Yes, and they are both going to hell. But you and I are going to Texas!"
Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x].
A CEO throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent mansion. In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen. The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators. The CEO says to his executives "I think an executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to the other side, I will give that person anything they desire. My job, my money, my house, anything!"
Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate. Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in the pool, swimming for his life. He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a huge alligator snaps at his shoes.
The flabbergasted CEO approaches the CFO and says, "You are amazing. I've never seen anything like it in my life. You are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for you." The CFO, panting for breath, looks up and says, "You can tell me who the hell pushed me in the pool!!"
A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway.
Your mum and I got together in a chat room at Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mum and we met up at cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, I upgraded my floppy disk to a stiffy and then your mum agreed to do a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later, a blessed little pop-up appeared and said:
"You have got a Male."
