I need to start to make wearing a helmet part of my day. My brain's pretty much ready to explode. This way the mess will be easier to clean up. Between the studying and all the other thoughts I have going on, I really feel like I have a world meeting taking place in my head. Studying I get a break from every other problem taking place around me but its still a ton to absorb. Thinking I get a break from studying, only to find myself questioning everything I'm doing. I don't feel myself, do I really want to be a politician still, what am i passionate about, what should I really be doing right now, how should I be acting, who are my real friends, who are my best friends, Do I give up on trying to keep a decent relationship with my father, When should I be moving out, am I over thinking this?? I guess it's all apart of realizing that your growing up. It never stops and I am in need of something bigger than a helmet. Something more like bucket.
I really miss having someone always there
when you feel like no one is
Someone to clear my head
when I cant
To push me farther than I would have tried too
because I thought I couldnt
This world could use a bit of love and some acceptance
Why do you bring out the wrost in me?
You put me down behind my back but in front of my friends
You push my buttons and then blame me
I dont want to play your games and I just wish I never gave you a chance
Why is it so hard to be a generally decent person. Why do we lie when telling the truth was easier, why do cheat and use other people's hard word and call it our own? and lastly why is it so hard to not be an ass for some? It could very well be the fact that school is becoming full of stress and presure to be getting the best grades we can get by working our hardest. Then there is always the consideration that their is troubles at home or has just had a hard time lately. This doesnt justify why we feel so much better being indecent to each other. I dont handle stress very well and have always stuggled with school, now im not saying that this are reasons why you should sympathy with me. Im saying that everyone has thier struggle, and you dont see me cheating, calling people names and being disrespectful because I had a bad day. To be honest, I had quite the shitty day and im just thankful its over.
Recently Ive found myself stuck in rut. I never had any problems with people up until recently, and recently it just seems to be problem after problem. I know there is two sides to every story and I feel very stuck up saying this; but I never stepped on anyones toes and yet there are a few people stomping on mine. If Im doing something just tell me and preferably not on a facebook status! This rut has been turning me inside out and is affecting me more than i want it to. I listen to myself get angry at other's for stupid things and then I get mad at myself for being a bitch for no reason and then I start thinking about people and what they do that makes me mad to somehow make myself feel better (weird I know, but its like when a bully picks on someone to make themselves feel better) and then I get mad at myself again. My buttons have become to easily pressed and I just want to be able to shake it all off like I usually do. Or maybe I have just become one of those over thinker's and i just need to take a chill pill.
I know people lie, I know people steal and I know that people cheat. Do you have to tangle me up in your mess?! Responciblity and Moral values obviously mean nothing to a few people. The fact that you have complicated your life with dirty tricks in order to aviod confrontation and the truth is your problem, but when you bring me down with you because you cant own up to it, its not fair or right. It only shows how deep your selfishness runs. If they just came out clean and told me the truth from the start, I wouldnt hate you now. It's not that hard, just grow up a little.
There are emotions and feelings that are pointless and good for nothing. Feelings that will not make you strong by dealing with the rollercoaster of emotions. Feelings that will not help you realize what is needed to be done in order to move forward and feelings that just bring you down. Those are the feeling I refuse to let myself be over come by.
Im no better than you and no wrose
There are peices of me that havent come together yet
and they never will if I keep pretending
that all the pain and the good times where never there
Without them, I wouldne be who I am today and I wouldnt be a better person tomorrow
Some mornings I wish I woke up with feet ready to runaway to that colorado sunrise.
AH! This blonde will NOT come out of my hair :[
I have become much to picky & havent decied if that's good or bad. For this situation anyways
