Once again, I speak about something I know oh so little about.
This...life, it's current state and my path.
You know there was a time I cried for journey, I lived for excitement, In the fractured growing pains of youth I sat and toiled in my mind to my own ends... never thinking or expecting what has led me to and ultimately trapped me in an invisible Faraday cage.

A short time ago I wallowed in self-defeat. Now an heir of entitlement I claim to hold the keys. I can't escape the fate I willingly create.

There was a brief period in between I regressed to my childhood, each event I re-lived the untold horror in everyday expression. Dwelling in empathy frequently erratically replaced with self-loathing I swore I was concrete in letting people mar my surface by remaining expressionless.

Now I am juxtaposed in my desire for internal liberation and external breaking of patterns, I see the opportunity, I hold the knob but am afraid to use the key.

The people, the places, the symbolic representation is more then random chance. these are chances for equality, for me to be me.

I am too comfortable in my decorations of defeat, the distracting trinkets of modern landscape even now I am comforted to toil truly alone surrounded by people.

So I digress that it is nothing but fear. The greatest fear. The fear that I could possibly be more then anyone could accredit to me, that I could go beyond every single time what people expect of me. It is the fear that I could become what I have born to be... Free, untrammeled, unchanged adrift in an open and hostile sea. But I as well as any seek comfort in the known, seek the comfort in repeating every single failure.