Now here's a little known fact: Alcohol does not make you FAT - it makes you LEAN ...Against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.

thinks doing nothing is hard to do... You never know when you've finished.

says: i don't have a short attention span, its just.......oh look a kitty.

says, "Officer, I wasn't speeding....I was qualifying!".

Never argue with an idiot, they'll just bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

has realised the best place to check the weather is looking out of the bloody window!

"I didn't slap you...I merely High~Fived you to the face!".

i was in bed lookin at the stars last night wen i realised....WHERE THE F***KS ME ROOF!!!!

Life is like a box of chocolates ... everyone takes what they want and leaves you with the crap.