everything was unusually green. i sat on top of the sun alone for quite some time before i noticed a friend had hobbled over to visit me. she was a squirrel and told me i was beautiful. she tried to kiss me on the cheek but i told her that i was on to her and that she only wanted me for my crackers. i hopped onto my cyclebike and backwards-pedaled through the jagged cake-cream frost path. things became progressively greenerer. i said to myself that maybe one day i would find the greenerest patch of green and sit there until my eyes melted into the sky, and then i would ride my cyclebike into the universe and complain that i was too cold when really the window needed to be opened in the bedroom. i told fox this much later in the day, but i'll get to that in a minute. i received a telegraph from gazelle, who knew very well that the world was much in it's place. he said that he would see me soon and that confused me. i didn't really want to leave greenland but i suppose i had to if i wanted to see gazelle. i would later find out that he would reveal to me who the enabler was. i had backwards-pedaled for so long that i forgot how to walk. i finally reached the outskirts of greenland and realized that the world was infact gray. this made me sad, though i did pass another mother squirrel and she smiled at me. i reluctantly smiled back but kept a safe following distance. i zoomed past prisms and blocks of gray for what seemed like an eternity. the world fascinated me. it was particularly warm out today but i figured it was because i had been hard at work backwards-pedaling all day (and also because i had been sitting on the sun).
unimportant side-note:
(shredlies were cat's favourite. she told me this once whilst we were sitting on my cloud and asked me to fetch some from the diaphragm room on the second floor, but i tricked her and brought her mini-weeds. i do this at least 6 times a month. i counted.)
eventually, i overheard a herd of herdly gentlemen calling my name from across the vineway.
"SLOW DOWN, SEAHORSE!"
i looked over to them and gazed in astonishment. i counted quite a few herdly gentlemen and they signaled for me to cross the vineway over to them with their elongated long-gated arms. i was scared. the vineway was littered with motormobiles and streams of light shooting past me from every which direction. one of the herdly gentlemen walked over to me and held my arm. he told me his name was afka and trolley'd both my cyclebike and i safely over the vine. i was grateful and followed the herd. before all this, i had been looking at the world through a pair of dimly-shaded spectacles that held all matter together. i think they once belonged to woody allen. i knew then that i would have to leave them at home, but to this very hour i still haven't decided whether or not that was a particularly well thought-out idea on my part. the herdly gentlemen and i wandered around the township for quite some time until we decided to settle at the fountain of brittany. they asked me what it was like leaving my spectacles at home, and i told them that the fountain froze in still frame even though the day was warm and there was not a single snowflake to be found. i decided to convince afka to take the gentlemen and i back to his matter-dome, where they would all step on their spectacles and spin-spiral down past zosos and calendars. i hobbled back onto my cyclebike and split the earth in half by backpedaling without the aid of my arms. it felt incredible. i could smell the wind whistling through the black tunnels in my side-head. i backpedaled all the way to the anterior of afka's matter-dome and side-tackled his companion, alim. she was soft and her coat was pretty. she grew bored of my idle chatter and became transfixed on a rubber ball that was spread out across the anterior. i wasn't offended.
soon, gentlemen and gentlewomen began sprouting up from the ground. every time i looked away, more merry herdspeople would stop by to greet me. it seemed as though they were all here to feel the warmth that i had felt when i first lay on the sun earlier that day. i walked around inside of the dome for a while before i grew exasperated and collapsed onto a chesterfield seat and stared into the corners of the dome where rusty lay. he licked his paw, glared at me and told me to look away. i felt lonely. suddenly, a familiar gentlewoman stumbled into the abode and greeted me with limbs wide spread. i recognized her as applebee and hugged her gleefully. her gown was bountiful and mystically patterened. i admired her.
i paced around the dome and decided that i wanted to visit the anterior again. this was actually plausible timing because at that very moment, afka had come out of his du-den and had told me that i should take the herdly gentlemen down to the lecole so he could resume business with his mother superior. he sounded stern so i took it that this business was important and that the mother superior was either a.) angered b.) scared or c.) chronically irrational. at the lecole, the herdly gentlemen gathered under a large deciduous and absorbed sun-rays together under the lead of gazelle. i could see that gazelle still had his spectacles on and i was very much appreciative of his assistance. after an unbrief moment at the lecole with the herdly herd, i decided that i missed cat. i sent her a telegram and told her to make the effort to cross several bridges in order to come visit me at the matter-dome. i liked cat a lot. interesting thing about cat is, she always has her spectacles on. and when she doesn't, she looks like she does, so there's really no point of her ever taking them off.
in the middle of my telegraph, one of the members of the herd, whom i recognized as my close friend lion asked me if he was going to die of dehydration. i told him that he wasn't and that maybe i should send onyx to fetch him some water. he asked gazelle and i if he should ingest some leaves from the deciduous off of the ground to absorb nutrients and moisture. we both told him that that was absurd. everyone knows lions are supposed drink out of nalgene water bottles. he noddled and continued staring at the sun. (we later discovered that lion and his brother mute would inevitably suffer a bout temporary blindness from staring at the sun for too long. especially mute. he stared at the sun for about 10 hours. cat told me that it might've been a bad idea but i didn't really listen to her.)
i walked down the empty vineway back to the matter-dome when suddenly lion called out to me. i waited for him to become within ear's reach and he began complaining that he was going blind. of course, i didn't understand a single word he was saying, so i guided him back to the dome where i made my way to the anterior and spotted cat, applebee and fox sitting on a cloud. i made my greetings and sat below them over the greenery. i was content. i was content with sitting around my charming herd and pulling grass out from under my feet. i piled the grass into my hands and let them sift through my fingers like linguines at a social-political debate party. cat looked at me charmingly, so i threw my collected grass at onyx in an attempt to be funny. he didn't seem to notice or care. (i later realized that i wasn't very funny without my spectacles on, so i gave up trying to be.)
in a while's moment-time, the herdly gentlemen had returned from the lecole and had gathered around the phonospeaker that afka had set up in the anterior earlier in the rising of the day. i recognized a familiar aardvark spewing from the phono and closed my eyes in contention. afka, lion, mute and i had built that aardvark several fortnights prior to that day. people seemed to take in and enjoy what the aardvark had to say and i was pleasantly surprised that cat even knew the words. i rested my head on applebee's leg and imagined that she started vibrating. i grew semi-agitated and told her to stop. she replied that she wasn't vibrating and i held cat's paw and told her to join me on applebee's leg. i took it that applebee wasn't happy with us settling on her from the fact that she pranced into the dome gallantly.
i decided to travel into afka's du-den and sit on his bed-cloud. it was soft and inviting. on his bed-cloud, he had a memory foam headrest, which really baffled me because i could usually imprint my nose in most things with some sort of a lasting impression, but this memory foam headrest must've had a really good memory because he re-flated himself within seconds. after the headrest had lost much of his amusement, i decided to wander into the gallows. to my surprise, there was mute sitting on a rester and gazelle by his side. i asked gazelle what he was doing. he explained that mute had stared into the sun for so long that his vocabulary had now become extremely limited. he was only able to repeat 4 or 5 words and he wasn't able to look at anyone in the eye for more than a few seconds. the words were "bad, fast, no, and nineteen-twenty" (which doesn't count as two words because it is really a compound word that isn't in the dictonary, much like dump-truck, bran-muffin and aero-smith). i was heavily disconcerted. gazelle and i agreed that maybe it would be a good idea for us to fetch mute a pencil and paper so he could visually communicate with us. he looked at the paper, and then at us, and then churled the paper and pencil at me and yelled "SUPERFAST!".
again, i felt lonely.
gazelle decided to send a rapid telegraph to an acquaintance in winterpleg who also once stared at the sun for too long in the past. he said that mute would eventually regain his vocabulary and mustard given time. i was relieved. no one should ever lose their mustard. i returned to the diaphragm room and realized that james glenn had showed up to the matter-dome, except he was also suffering from temporary blindness, unclothed and sprawled across the dome-way floor. i felt uneasy because i knew james glenn and i knew that in this state, he would never leave the dome and he would cause a great disturbance in our paradigms. afka, lion and i attempted to force him onto his feet, but his ankles were made of knobs and he could not stand. he was also much larger than i was and overpowered me, so i resorted to yelling at him from a safe distance. i felt silly. i had never once yelled before in my life, but he was being untreasonable. he even churled spews all over afka's dome-way. afka and i had to figure out a way to clean up the spews, but we were too flubberglassed to operate the unearthed apparatus. cat gracefully pranced into the dome-way and educated us.
"you don't need a vacuum to clean this mess up. just go find paper towels."
afka and i gazed at her admiringly. she really was the cleverest of the clever species of all felines (but everyone knows seahorses generally surpass felines' clevered clevernesses on most other giften days). applebee approached me and asked me to tie her gown. at this point, i was too concerned. i was so concerned that my hands turned into chandeliers and i was unable to tie her gown tightly enough. the patterns on her gown looked like they wanted to use me and never call me again. i decided i would let onyx tie applebee's gown and i went into the du-den of afka and lay on his bed-cloud next to fox. she stared at me. she had been staring at me for the entire duration of the day which sort of made me want to crawl into a dug-a-hole and cry, but i didn't. i later told applebee that there was too much fabric on her gown but i think she took it the wrong way because she glared at me funnily and then teleported to a distant tree. i lurched near the rester where mute had sat repeating the same words over and over again and spotted james glenn this time sprawled next to the dryer and washing machine. i grew exceedingly angry at him and then spotted lion clatchered onto his bodyperson. they looked like they were enjoying themselves so i let them (bee).
afka was agitated because now there were too many herdly gentlemen (and women) in his humble domely-abode (even though there had been the same amount the entire time) so he told me to herd the herdlies and herd on down someplace else or to someone else's matter-dome. i stood on his 4th stair and cried so he packaged me up and sent me to cat. sneaky cat had managed to find a large box of shredlies and was kind enough to share some with me. they were crisping and satisfying.
applebee was concerned for her safety so she decided to telegraph monkey. (prior to the spectacle-drop, applebee and monkey were not on good terms. had they been, monkey would have been there which i now speculate that he might've made things better.) fox lay next to us on the bed-cloud and remained silent. she hadn't spoken to me all night but at this point i was too concerned with my hands being chandeliers for me to even care.
i wandered into the narrow dome-way and cat told me that she had to leave. her vessel was going to depart on the 12th hour and she would return to her own abode across the bridges. my heart sank to the bottom of the sea. i kissed her good-bye and watched her leave through the person-door. i was half-perplexed and half-still-sad so i watched her walk down the stairs and to her vessel by poking my head out of the animal door (hopefully her father didn't see me do that because that would've been embarrassing).
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at this point, i decided that i would take matter-domes into my own chandelier hands and kick james glenn back to the cave to which he had come. he magically re-assembled his cloths when i wasn't looking and was surprisingly cooperative when i told him to evacuate sans ejaculate. we never heard from him again. on the tip-top of the dome, everyone was distressed. lion was distressed because mute was still mute. mute paced around maniacally and none of us could stop him. applebee thought she was going to die and wanted monkey to arrive at the dome as fast as his monk-paws could carry him. i was distressed because cat was gone, and afka was still patching relations with his mother superior. fox remained silent throughout.
to make matters worse, afka's brother had returned from his voyage around the world holding a bottle of jameson and wearing nothing but a cowboy hat. if he knew that none of us had our spectacles on, he would certainly be angry or appalled, but to our surprise, he was neither. instead, he told us a story about how he was lured into a venus fly-trap by members of woman-kind and we laughed heartily.
we gathered ourselves near the rester where mute first lay and decided to resolve the minds of lion and mute. gazelle explained that they were stuck inside of a tape loop and there was no way to dig them out unless we had a screw-driver. none of us even knew what a screw-driver was, so it was basically hopeless and only time would fix them. fox mentioned that they were beyond their control, and then gazelle revealed to us that fox was the enabler. i was baffled.
i then made the notion that mayhaps we should relocate a semi-part of the herd to my matter-dome, and gazelle agreed that the change of scenery would help us all. i said my good-byes as fox and afka decided to remain. it felt good to be outside of the dome. the cold air and smells were familiar. i was beginning to regain my lost vision. i felt like i had been gone for a long time, except that i was never anywhere. onyx, lion, mute, gazelle and i departed from the abode and sailed through the salt-streets. i had a vantageous-advantage seeing as i had my cyclebike with me still, so i back-pedaled back to my abode quickly and watched the world stream by in binary. i told gazelle to telegraph me as soon as he got to my entrance. i let the semi-herd in and rested them on my plaintive chairs. mute finally regained his conscious abilities to speak. he told me that he had seen the light of days and never wanted to partake in goggless ventures again. i lifted my antennae hands and closed my eyes.
i'm far enough away;
to be kind is to be cruel.
