Monopoly, theres another little game. We had Monopoly, everybody had it.
No one like it, even if you thinked you liked the game you didn't.
And it's simple why, ok.
Cause this is anyone here 2 and a half hours into a game of Monopoly,
ready?...
*Booush* "FUCK THIS GAME! It's 4 in the morning grandma, YOU WIN!
I'm sittin on Baltic with crap! I'm paying lunch re-tax out the ass!
And I hate when your the banker,
where did you get the pink 50's you cheating whore!
Don't fucking touch me grandpa, NANA is a cheating whore!
I should cut you head off with this little doggy!"...

Girls go to DANCE. You get ready with your friends. "This time let's just go DANCE tonight! Let's just... Fuck guys tonight. Let's just stand in a circle around our shoes and our pocketbooks... And let's just dance. And if guys come near us we'll taser them. Zzzt. No guys." You never hear a guy say to one of his buddies, "Hey listen, Mike, Michael. Tonight, dude? I gotta dance. What, chicks? No, no. Fuck chicks, dude. I wanna dance. I just want to express myself through the art of dance, Mike. I don't wanna see a chick..."


When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everyone one you know falls in love. On like the same day - even Karen the douchebag - falls in love. Even retarded people in your neighborhood are getting married on their front lawn as you drive by. "What?! the 'tards just got married on thier lawn! That's great I have nobody and the 'tards just commited to each other for a life time of 'tardiness - or is that they're late for everything, I don't know".


Enjoy your Spaghetti. You're very egotistical

You know you're drunk when you think that the cab fare is the time. Its 15 past 14 already!

No! You fix this WALL before my dad gets home from work! Don't touch me you drink. Don't touch me you giant beverage. You are sweating or condensating, I will kick you in the tights and you will go down, you're very top-heavy. You glass son of a bitch! You glass bastard!

What the fuck is THIS. I was here but not as a faggot!

Who gets killed by bees? Anytime they come on the news and say "Um, yeah, a man was killed in Austin by bees." I just fucking laugh. How do you get killed by bees? If you're walking through the woods right and you come near a bush and you hear 'bbbbzzzbbzz' you know... just run away from that bush. Who's going by that bush going, "Hey is that bees?" Hold on on second, ohhh jeez. Dude, fuck that. I would punch every bee in the face! Bees are not taking me out. I be like "Oh yeah? Fuck you bee! Come on! Yah bzzz. Where's the next bee at?" It's a fuckin' bee. I could understand killer horses...that's scary shit...flying through the air and kicking you in the face. That's scary. Fuck bees. Fuck bees.

Hi I'm a buck tooth and like to be outside past the lips. I enjoy a nice sea breeze from time to time.

I got home from work today and took like a Hundred Hour Nap....." "... NO YOU DID NOT..You'd be very sick if you were taking hundred hour naps. That's a coma, say you took a coma after work and I can fallow the story! I took a coma, hundred hours, was it about a hundred hours, that's a great coma, that's a good coma."

"I think someone may have shit on, about, or around the perimeter of the coats.

My brain is so fantastical

Quote/Unquote and you can quote me on the quote/unquote"



When people refer to 'Back in the Day', it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for ya. Take that home, chew on it. It's delicious.

"There is one person in every group of friends that nobody fuckin' likes. You basically keep them there to hate their guts. When that person is not there around your little base camp, your hobby is cutting that person down. Example, Karen is always a douche bag. Every group has a Karen, and shes ALWAYS a bag of douche! until she walks up and your like, "What's Up KAAARR..."

Yeah, I was in my kitchen and I heard it so I CAME OUT. You were in your living room? I was in my in my kitchen cleaning a DISH. I heard it. I CAME OUT. What? You were in your basement? He was in his living room. I was in my kitchen cleaning a DISH. I was really cleaning and I heard it so I CAME OUT. What? Shoes? No no, FUCK SHOES!

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice
.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain
.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him. '

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?
[12] Would you fuck me?
[13] Are we close?
[14] Emotionally, what stands out?
[15] Do you wish I was cooler?
[16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
[17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[18] Am I loveable?
[19] How long have you known me?
[20] Describe me in one word.
[21] What was your first impression?
[22] Do you still think that way about me now?
[23] What do you think my weakness is?
[24] Do you think that I am wierd?
[25] What about me makes you happy?
[26] What about me makes you sad?
[27] What reminds you of me?
[28] What's something you would change about me?
[29] How well do you know me?
[30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[31] Do you think I would kill someone?
[33] Who else reminds you of me?
[32] If you I told you I had 3 weeks to live what would we do?
[34] If I died would you cry?
[35] When was the last time we fought?
[36] Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?
[37] What song reminds you of me ?
[38] If we where going on a date where would you take me?
[39] What is in your opinion, my best asset?
[40] Do you think I will get married?