it really meant alot to me when i found out you got me stuff.. i just wished i hadn't have spent all my money on booze so that i could have got you something. but that's why i am giving this back because you mean soooo much to me and i just don't seem to be letting go of you at all.
everytime i see this i stop to give it a cuddle and it reminds me of what we used to have... the way i always used to hold you and pretend to be watching tv with you. but it's hard to pay attention to tv when all you can think about is how much you never had to let go. i wish i could stay there and hold you forever because there really isn't much else that matters to me.
but look at us now.. i can't say that i have been happy since may 24. but it's not that i am any different than i was before i met you, it's just now i know what it's like to be truely happy. and the only time i am is when im with you and when i know your there for me to hug or hold or kiss or talk to. but now your gone forever and have probably moved on.
but you will always be in my heart and i will never let you go or go a day without you crossing my mind. so far i can barely go a minute or two without your crossing it. you mean the world to me and have since we became friends. i was just afraid at the time... afraid of this.
but im sorry you had to wait and im sorry for anything else i have done to hurt you. i would never mean to.
i'll always love you, no matter what.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
so yeah, wow. i can't believe that this is all like this. i mean a year ago i never thought i would be sitting here writing this. i don't even know what to say. i miss you, that's for sure. and i know you are sick of hearing it but im sorry.. for absolutely everything. this, it's just not right. nothing is.. and i know that you know that. like i am well aware of what i have done to hurt you, and what it has done to you, but have you even took the time to see how i am these days? didn't think so.
you really don't know how much of a wreck i am without you, do you? i can't believe out of all people you would do this to me, and her. you know for a fact how much i fucking loved you, and still do. through everything i still loved you, even though i messed up a million times, but i guess you were really too stupid to see that. but than again, look how stupid i acted. but i would never do what you did to me. date my best friend? that's like me dating one of your best friends. it's soo wrong. like, are you too blind to see that?
i don't know how im managing to write this without crying, what happened to us? i mean, i know, but we had everything. we had more love for eachother than anyone i know. i don't care what you say or think but you will NEVER be able to love someone the way you loved me. no love is ever the same as the next. you need to understand that.
everyone knows were meant to be with eachother. were you just kidding about everything you said to me and think back, did you lie about it all? if not, and if you did mean everything you said, than why has everything turned out the way it has? because for two people who loved eachother that much, and i know still do, that feeling will never dissapear, or go away. it'll just be burried, deep inside. i know well enough that everything i said to you was true, and i still cry every god damn night over this shit.
you say i never really loved you? bullshit. why are you still sticking around talking smack about me and trying to get me mad? whatever your excuse, i'll never believe it. it's cause you still care. people who are over somone don't waste their time doing that.
do you not remember our conversations on the phone? that would go on into hours of the night, even on school days. who do you do that with? nobody. do you call her at two in the morning because you were worried and wanted to make sure everything was okay? didn't think so. cause i sure do remember that phone call. im glad that i've made a mark on you, and you have made your mark on me. you'll never forget me, no matter how hard you try. we had the real thing. we had love.
what happened to forever and always? look at us. it's not right, i know you know it's not. everything is just so wrong these days. i know you won't, but im always going to be here, waiting. i want you so bad. i don't think i have ever wanted anything so much. you mean the entire world to me, and you always will.
forever and always, promise.