I just wanted to announce the best busride in the history of ever. I was just midning my own buisiness on the busride to school, playing Pokemon Diamond on my DS and listening to music with only one working headphone when the guy across the aisle from me started up, I will now give you a rendition of what he said [and I ignored] all the way to school.
"Hey! Hey you! It's gay to play pokemon! God, look at that girl playing pokemon, IT'S GAY TO PLAY POKEMON! Playing pokemon is so gay, and so is her hair, look at it. Fucking rattail out of the side of her head. God."
"Dude she might hit you"
"So? I don't count girls like that as girls, I'd punch her in the face if she tried. She probably hits like a boy. Playing pokemon is so gay. What a dyke. I hope she takes her headphones off soon. HEY! HEY YOU! IT'S. GAY. TO. PLAY. POKEMON!!! God, look at her, playing her pokemon, being gay. Pokemon is gay. Maybe she's retarded, cause pokemon is for fourth graders. HEY! PLAYING POKEMON IS GAY! God, look how gay she is with her hair and her pokemon."
*girl sits beside him*
"Hey, look at that girl being gay playing pokemon. IT'S GAY TO PLAY POKEMON! She's such a dyke. Look at her and her gay pokemon, pokemon is so gay. HEY!! HEEEEEYYYYYY!!! PLAYING POKEMON IS GAY!!!"
I was hard pressed not to laugh untill I cried and fell out of my seat, and then when I passed them with my friend in the hallway, they started up again. Then on the busride home they did it again, and their friend was showing me his pokemon and they screamed for him to get out of there and then asked him if he was gonna have sex with me and what we were doing and then started ragging on me again and stuff and saying creepy things about following me home or something and it was all so juvinilely hilarious, if I had let a giggle out I wouldve lost control and laughed into tears, I was SO happy.
I remember a time when I thought my life was shit
"It'll never get worse than this"
I look back and see I was kinda happy as it was
And my friends were always there
Now they've left
They dont even care
I want the days when I was depressed and had friends back
Because I was stupid
Now Im all alone
Big mistake.
My dear I'm afraid I've been thinking
Still I've got no clue what to do
The feelings of betrayal were set upon me
My fragile state of mind is blue
So how should I solve these troubles tonight?
What must be done for some rest?
My body is weary from it's lack of sleep
My mind is now far from second best
In Calgary now. Got some computer access so message me kay?
It's about them
Not having fun with them
Just being with them
Wether it's when they're sick or sad
Glad or mad
Or half asleep in the car
It's the way they look at you
Not past you
Not around you
And it's knowing that you matter
Because they think you matter
Which is all that matters
It's about missing them when away
And the way they dance across your mind
To you they're perfect as they are
Their laugh their smile
You can't just stick with denial
Because it's them
Sure you could easily live without them
But you'd prefer not having to
You enjoy their company
Because honestly
It's something about them
And you love it
So I'm going to Alberta and Saskatchewan on Thursday and probably won't get to say goodbye to everyone. I'll try though. I won't be back untill July 20th, and then I'll have people visiting untill August 7th. So I'm going to be really busy, but I will visit you guys downtown and my friends from school as soon as possible once I'm back. Wish me luck.
Despite everything that goes wrong in my life I feel content
Because I have the friends I have
The ones that care about me and give me hugs or words of encouragement
The ones that make me smile
And even if we dont see eachother often or speak much
It's nice to hear that they still care
Or see that they appreciate things I made/bought them
And still use/wear them from time to time
Love you guys.
♥
You know what hurts?
When you spend all your time trying to gain someones approval
Trying to make them proud.
Trying to gain a feeling of love and acceptance from them.
All I ever wanted was mummy to be proud of me.
But lately I've been really sick, and missing a lot of school.
And this morning at 6 am mum went on a half an hour rant over the phone
About what a dissapointment I am
And it hurts, deep.
If it was because I'm weird it'd be okay.
If it was because I dress weird it'd be okay.
If it was because I was skipping it'd be okay.
If it was because I don't hang out with the best people it'd be okay.
If it was because I wear odd makeup it'd be okay.
If it was because I'm selfish it'd be okay.
If it was because I'm a general fuckup it'd be okay.
But it's not.
She thinks I'm a dissapointment because I'm missing a lot of school,
Because I'm sick.
And I'm sick from lack of sleep.
"So sleep." Some say
But it isn't that easy.
For three weeks I have been unable to sleep.
Nothing works.
Relaxation, meditation, sedatives.
Nothing.
So I am a fucking disapointment because of something I can't control.
Thanks mum.
I do everything I can to make you proud, and it's not enough.
Then you go on for half an hour over how disapointing I am
You drive me into tears
Then you say you love me.
And people wonder why I'm so needy about affection.
And they wonder why I don't live at home
But everytime we're together for prolonged periods of time we fight
And every little thing I do wrong earns me a screaming.
Thank you for reminding me that I'm a fuckup.
Ew.
I just slept from 5ish pm yesterday to 1ish pm today
...I hate sleep.
I mean I love it..
But it's a huge waste of time and I coulve been doing stuff =[
Ick.
Single again, that was fast
