to be completely honest with you , everything in my life is going pretty well. maybe not the way I expected, or the way you expected, but it's going well . if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything .
you we're always mine. i couldn't forget it for a minute.
"in short, your my world."
honestly, the hardest words to hear.
so, here's a little update on my life. nothing much happening so far. i'm 21 weeks along, and i'm already feeling the kicks . supposedly it's a little boy, but we are going to go for another ultrasound to double check . i've been overly emotional lately. most of the time i'm a bitch, but i don't really care. i'm just loving every minute of my life, it's amazing and i could never ask for a better one . <3
i really hate to complain on here, but not many people read this anyways so here it goes...
lately i just hate the way we've been, occasional calls, never seeing you. it seems like you don't want to be with me at all. you say sorry, but it only works so many time. i love you so much and everytime you say sorry and you don't mean it, i fall into it and i feel like i'm the bad person. i love you so much fuck sakes, and you don't even give me the time of day anymore. your having a child with me, you'd think you'd be here for me all the time, wanting me around but not lately. i just feel neglected and i'm an emotional wreck, not only because i'm hormonal but because this isn't how i want this to be at all. just please show me you want me , show me you want to be with me and make this work. it's almost been 2 years and we were so in love. always were. now i just feel drained and unloved. i don't know what to say because everything comes out in anger.
so lately what's been going on is a few things.
I moved back in with my dad now, it's going pretty good so far, but it's still kind of hard not to be with Chris all the time. i miss him. i guess that's another thing.. i haven't seen him in almost two weeks now. i guess it hurts seeing as I heard some pretty bad rumors that i'm believing more and more now. oh yeah, i'm overly hormonal, so i cry all the time, and I've just been crying about Chris a lot lately. i miss him like crazy, and i need to talk to him about what the hell is going on. i just hope he isn't going to ruin a family for some other stupid hoe. i give up on life most of the time nowadays. i wish things would just turn to brighter days... i miss the less complicated days.
dear you,
you are actually too full of drama for words. like, seriously... i'm two years younger than you and i seem to have a better head on my shoulders. someone should slap the stupid out of you. like, holy shit.. fuck sakes, boys aren't the end of the world as we know it and stop acting like they are please and thank you.
so i have a lot to write about recently.
well, my mom had her baby about a week ago,. her name is Dakota and she's pretty cute.
i'm going to be a mom in November or so. i don't know wheater I should be excited or nervous or both. i think it's closer to both.
i've decided to stop talking to most people that i was friends with in highschool because their almost all immature and they don't give two shits about anyone but themselves, and they should know who i'm talking about.
I'm doing pretty good lately though, me and chris have a place and we're doing pretty good so far. i'm really happy with how it's going.
NEGATIVE
dear you:
you are a woman beater, a disgrace to the world and I don't care about what you tell ANYONE about her, you are the grime off the bottom of the earth. i hope you go kill yourself, literally. maybe third time is the charm. you will never be forgiven by me and I hope anyone else i know. you will never have good friends like you did before, because all good people would have nothing to do with your fucked up, grimmy self. you can go and fucking die as soon as possible. i hope you have a horrible life, and you realize what you lost.
dear you: i am getting really fed up with you. you can't decide who you want, when you've been with one for so long, and still are. holy hell, can't you just mkae up your mind? their both awesome guys, and they both have great atributes but fuck. which one do you care more about?
dear you: you annoy the fuck out of me, i don't want to talk to you again. we were the closest ever, but now i just can't even be there for your drama. i'm matured, and you haven't. I hope you do someday and you take the advice people give you . you need to realize the reason you loose so many people is because of this craziness.
so, i'm just going to put a post on nexopia, cause not many people really care about blogs on here. but i had a pretty crazy weekend. i got drunk on saturday with a bunch of people, then crashed at hippy's for the night. then all day sunday i was with hippy, and a lot of different people too, i was super stoned. it was pretty fun. then i went to timmies for our shindigg thing. it was pretty much the best ever . <3 i absolutely love my friends so, i just thought i'd write about them. holy fuck, they could never be replaced, they make my life so worth it.
ashley: you are my sister. no questions about it. we are the most crazy hillarious people in the WORLD. I LOVE YOUUU.
chantal : you are my best friend ever, i love you so much even if we have little nothing arguments and drunk fights, i love you to bits.
tasha : i have to admit, we only started hanging out, but i absolutely LOVE you. you make things so funny and your awesome to talk to .
justin : your the best guy on the face of the world. your a sweetheart, and you're always the funnest guy I know. i love you!! haha, your the best!
chelsea : holy fuck, i LOVE LOVE LOVE you. haha, ever since you started at tims, you've been awesome. i cannot believe your LEAVING us, but i'm happy you're still coming to the shindig.
micheal : i fucking came to tims like.. 4 hours early just to sit with you, and I don't even mind. haha, you always make me laugh so hard, and your always being a great dad. i lvoe you micheal! i'm so glad we actually chill!
oh goodness, i have a lot more people to write about, but those are the people that I was with this weekend. haha.
SO, i realized that lately, i'm honestly enjoying life, even though i miss my baby like crazy.
drankin with friends, getting stoned and playing board games in the garage. my favorite things. god i don't think i could ever give this up. i seem to have plans for next weekend before this weekend even ends.
my best friends are crazy. i love them so much.
i love my life at this point in time. i don'tthink it could get any better .
i love weed, i love beer.
i love my friends, and i could never life without them.
i just wanna get high, drink a beer and be with the ones i love . <3
today, was the most devasting, lonely, hopeless night of my life. nobody would understand unless they had a loved one snatched away in a blink of an eye. i can't explain not being able to cry for him, not being able to show how i feel. i love him, and now he's gone for who knows how many years. he's my best friend, and now it's like.. i have to fall asleep on my own, i have to be alone without the biggest piece of my heart. how can someone function without a part of their heart..? i'm going to wake up tomorrow.. more depressed then tonight. i don't want to cry myself to sleep and wake up crying. everything around me reminds me of you. your pictures, your shirts, your shoes, your smell is on the bed, and i'll never be able to shake this feeling of utter.. pain. i love you so much... i miss my baby already.
chris.. i love you, and i'll be waiting here for as many months, years or even decades it takes. you are my one & only. one year and 4 months is nothing compared to how long i want to be with you. i love you so much, and i can't wait to see your handsome face soon.
