the hardest thing is not knowing if someone you loved more then life is fucking the balding guy next door lol sooo hard breaks your heart but in the end you know nothing will ever be the same or get fixed between the 2 of you again

Highway run into the midnight sun
Wheels go round and round
You're on my mind
Restless hearts sleep alone tonight
Sending all my love along the wire
They say that the road
ain't no place to start a family
Right down the line it's been you and me
And loving a music man
ain't always what it's supposed to be

Girl
you stand by me
I'm forever yours
faithfully
Circus life under the big top world
We all need the clowns to make us laugh
Through space and time
Always another show
Wodering where I am lost without you
And being a part ain't easy on this love affair
Two strangers learn to fall in love again
I get the joy of rediscovering you

Oh girl
you stand by me
I'm forever yours
faithfully
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
oh oh oh oh oh oh
faithfully
I'm still yours
I'm forever yours
Ever yours
faithfully

OLD TIMES (12)EX who i loved to death forever and allways never forgotten and pics that made my day cheered me up and made me come back to alberta and fun times and first times and beauty beautiful photo album

1-Hey hun! It's our four month anniversary! I love you so much baby! Muah!! Forever and ever...


2-(hardest to read)Well hun I miss you more than anything and it has only been one day. I’ve tried calling and calling but your phone is off and your voicemail is full so I’ve been texting and my phone is resending some so I am in the process of deleting messages lol I went to the school at 5 or so today and registered for my highschool courses… I am taking Spanish next year… I am mega excited lol so my birthday is in a month…what you getting me??? Lol jk . I also have been removed from my math course and taking it other places (same with renae). Uh and other than that just work and not a whole hell of a lot going on haha I can’t wait for you to come bak and I can scratch your back (& ass haha) babe I’m gonna love your forever. I have finally accepted that you are gonna be gone for a little while…crying isn’t as bad now (thank god) I’m doing a bit better now…I’ve written notes for you and stuff….we are so getting are pics done when you get back hun… hopefully. Oh and that CD you made is AWESOME! I listen to it while I lay in bed and K-Ci and jojos song comes on and I usually ball through it cuz I put it on my nex a week ago cuz it made me think of you and it happened to be on the cd so I was like omg… also if there is an address I can send things to you at, tha would be great (i.e anniversary cards). Also any numbers would be awesome too…







LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY!!!!



Ya gurl,


(lil feefer)



I Love you more…forever and ever…I will…



(email me back babe)



3-You make me feel beautiful baby…I would tell you to listen to the song cuz it’s how you make me feel…but it’s country lol

4-Hey hun…how are things? This weekend has been the most boring of my life lol I miss you so much baby! I’m listening to “How Could You” right now…it’s a good song. I watched Night at the Museum with my dad this afternoon, it was pretty good. I bought save the last dance 2 yesterday and I dunno if I told you but my dad says “hi”. Now I am listening to krazy…this song makes me think of you… and hmm yeah that’s about it…not a whole lot new, I work tomorrow and it is crazy hot here…I don’t even wanna go out…hun you have to come back soon! I wanna do something with you for my birthday and just be with you. I looooovoe you so much babe…call me sometime I miss you too hun.



Love Always,

(ya lil feefer)



*be good, cuz I sure am babe…I love you



5-AND THE MOST POWERFULL)

Baby we have to stay together please don't beak up with me!!!! I love you somuch, I promised you I wouldn't do anything ....you said theother night you want to marry me and have kids...babe I looove you sooomuch, just come back muah...i love you more...forever and ever...plaesedon't give up
Babe, I started talking to you yesterday about the drinking and drugspresentation and I want you to promise me while you are there that you willbe careful til you get back...I've seen what can happen, it ain't prettybabe...I want you to know that I love you and always will...we aren'tbreaking up, I love you way to much, it's 8 months in two weeks, I've neverbeen happier...school is almost over and I go full time at work which meanslots of money lol and I already found your birthday present hee hee babe wehave a lot going for us, you can't give up on it...I won't go out, you knowthat. Not to mention my hours are starting to pick up and I cut grass for mydad now which is all good money. I am also looking onto getting a pay as yougo phone so my dad don't have ties to it and its mine lol just remember Ilove you, we are together forver (I still have the note you gave me on ourtwo week) Please don't break up with me, I'm sitting here crying at thethought of it babe...I love you ttys..."hold your head up" take the advice you gave me" Love you,Chelsea


lol forever and ever BAHAHAHA just had to show people why it was hard to get over something that was once upon a time real and to show men and wemen that FOREVER int allways FOREVER and if you feel in your heart you dont love a ladie at first leave dont let her not let you break up with her cause eventually you will fall inlove then when she dosent love you anymore it is allready to late and you get a dick in the ass and it hurts to the point of death attempts and when your ladie emails you your best to not save every email u have got cause when its done you will allways go back and read and that is what hurts and kills most and by then it is to late and hard to delete emails cause u feel you need to have memorys of the first thing to learn from and know for the next love if you find the next love i can tell you honestly you can be an asshole a PIMP a THUG a DRUG DEALER a HUSTLER a GANGTER but it all changes when u lose the one u love you become like me confused hurt suicidal then when you become those emotions your taste in everything changes you go from being gangster looking to more on preppy side and you go from listining to rap or whatever u like to the opisite like me (me) i went from gangster music to elvis presly and johny cash and death metal techno some country to barely listining to rap cause most reminds you of the one u lost like when u lose a friend when my best friend died my life changed i went from being respectfull to thinking i was someone im not if ther was one last dieing breath i had to do it would be to apoligize to the 2 people i hurt that is her and the mother wheather they accept or go pfft an brush it off atleast i could RIP and feel better about myself knowing they know how sorry sinceer and remorcfull i am that is probibly what held me back with every suicide attempt was knowing i would RIP without sayen sorry and my best friend Ashley stopping a couple and my best friends Alek and Jay talking me out making me feel like a better person then i am I am not writing this blog to reminice or to make people feel bad I am writing this blog to get what is left of my pain out of me so I have nothing left to look back on and to HOPEFULLY help people who read this understand love is more then you could imagine and not to take for granted cause with the history of everything that went wrong and has happened i could never go back now ill never know if it was as real as it seemed as for the first letter i wrote her after 2 week aniversery put it this way its on my dresser as for my picture frames i gave her i got back with no pics so obviously burnt so i did damage ill never get to apoligize for nor have a friendship that maybe you (the readers) could prevent by ready carfully as for the thing i loved most i gave more then the smoke pack letter was a post card that had most thought love and passion the best i have ever done for a ladie i got back aswell the thing i miss i regreat giving back (in a way) are my bears they soaked up alot of my tears and held me through everything u could emagine she has moved i have moved on and now everything got destroyd for the simple reasons i stated above stupidity IM a MAN i should have never acted the way I did i apoligize not only to her the mother aswell more so to the mother for what i said and for not being the man i prommised i was and would take care of her daughter like i said for that aswell i apoligize HELL I havent even been able to have sex with another ladie since her not going to lye I tried but after 2 seconds I couldent cause i felt like i was cheating i have never cheated sept a kiss in a bar when a girl grabbed me in the bar ither then that i have never cheated so even though we were dont i couldent sleep with her cuz i had flashbacks i was to quiet and almost got sick on her so lasted a min maybe 2 to be honest since that one time i have been a virgine and am now waiting for the special ladie to take my breath away with that beautiful eye contact anyway I hope you all learn from all of this and make sure you make right choices and not wrong choices love sinceerly yours Jamie :(..
6-

I can finaly move forward in life now that court is done i got no charges clean record got off on everything to the court it looked like a man who was in love and got caught up but now that its over i can finaly not ever have to think about the past the mistakes and hurt and can look to the future and be happy and know i am a good man and know i can treat a ladie right whitch I do hehe. I never have to think about what I had ever again I can think aout what I have and forget the past feels sooo sooo great I could never have imagined how great it feels to know its over and done and time to move on now i can put the past in the past and keep the past as a memory and in my heart but time to make a new past and new memorys 2010 here i come hehe love life to the fullest hehe HARD TO STILL SEE YOU IN WALLMART OR DRIVING HEART BEATS 1000 MILE PER HOUR HARD TO UNDERSTAND EASY NOW TO ACCEPT AND HAPPY TO MOVE ON AND 2010 HERE I COME SO FAR SO GOOD ID BACK NEW PLACE NO CHARGES AND TWIN BABYS CONGRATS BILLY AND TINA AND BACK IN LEDUC

First off i dont know what to say but i need to say everything and all cause i will not ever blog again.....First im going to start on the subject of maturing and learning and remembering.for matureing i have come along way with my heart and i wish i would have been mature 3 years ago and made the right choices girl or bar well to me now easy girl eff the bar but i wish i never hurt and disgusted someone the way i did thats something ill never forget untill i am forgiven whitch will never happen specially now with all that has happened and i wouldent wanna be forgave after what i did i disirve to raught and take what is thrown at me for all i have did to someone who i should have known was love and coulda lasted forever and ever and coulda died in one anothers arms instead i diddint know love or what it was or felt like...the upside ui left the person and they got the man who is better then i was the man who confort when needed on the phone i member a year before it all ended her status sayen im going to >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> miss him cause he left for a while all in all she got him in the end better him then me i needed to learn and know what love is or to tell the truth i would have never changed woulda been same pot mouth bar an d beer first flirtacious same old dead beet prick but things happen for a reason ill never forget the good time ill never regreat the good time ill only allways regreat the bad choices i did and what i pushed away ill never hate her ill never be mad at her nor will i regreat her cause of her im the man i am now and im going to take what is thrown in my face cause i disirve everylast bit of it all ill take comunity service or anger manegment or jailtime or restraining order whatever i get i get and disirve for what i did to that poor girl who did and ttried everything to make me happy wish would have just layed low accepted that i broke up with her for a reason and realized she had allready moved on and coulda still had a good friend posibly girlfriend again instead of her hurting and thinking to much when she has school but thought with nuthing just a plain idiot thats what i have to say thanks again for showing me what it feels like to be alone in the end when u were alone most of the time in a dark place well now i know and i promise to learn from it and use it with my next love and not eff everything up. NEXT thing i am going to talk about is ladies who are messeging me everyday..PLEASE STOP PLEASE about starting off as "i read your blog and you are to good looking to write about a girl and appoligize to a girl when u can easyly get another girl" it might piss you guys off to read this but its not about the girl or getting back with her that will never happen allready gone to far and when all is done order will be a 2 year restraining order more then likely so that is not about that its more about feeling like shit for all i have done and not being able to sit and talk to her and say how i feel and sorry instead i have to get feeling out on comp so it semi feels like i said it when u do something as mean and imature like i did u live with it and dont know how to adjust my problem was breaking up with her smart choice i wasent dumn and new her heart was somewere els but the prob was when i did do that i diddint know how to adjust to life without her and did stupid childish shit to her but i live and i learn and deep inside i would never regreat meeting her i regreat not knowing what llove was and how to treat her if i woulda known i diddint know what love was i would have never got her to call me and bla bla bla bout the titanic and everything els and ask her out cause i wouldent have wanted to hurt her biggest thing is i could never c her cry or would never wish to make a ladie cry and i know she cryed to much over me and it was pathetic on my part to do so ther for ill feel like shit prob for rest of my life over what i have done and said. As for my relationship status i finally found what i think the perfect girl a friend from kitchiner ontario who should be coming out after x-mas to live with me hopefully but i am not going to push a relationship cause im still kinda scared to love again but ill see i guess she is so beautiful she is a blond i like hehehe beautiful body more important a beautiful amaizing personal;ity smile and most of all makes me blush like someone els did once upon a time everytime i talk to her hehehe and as for my best friend ashly getting upset that i cant watch certain movies or do certain things me and my ex use to do is cause i am over her and i dont wanna relive the things i did with her cause it will make me sick and think again thats why i dont watch certain movies listin to certain songs or try not to watch indiana pacers cause t.j ford aka little engine is on ther and that is to many memorys ther is the answer for that...now ill talk about sports...Raptors have a amaizing team and are dooing good and will make playoffs for all you fans to know hehehe as for leafs well they will make playoffs once they get hot lol as they are starting to now as for blue jays they were a amaizing team last year started 25 wins and 2 lost best in mlb but this year they will most likely be bad seeing they have to trade roy the doc halladay ok i anounced everything on my chest in my heart on my mind and concerns and what people say i will not ever blog again i love everybody who has been through myside through all of my pain hurt tears and bla bla bla reminecing over her to you guys and you guys talking me through things and helping me see more of the light mostly to ashley jason rob family and alek and you guys know who you are...Movies I can not watch.
1-TITANIC
2-TOY STORYS
3-SAVE THE LAST DANCE
4-STEP UP
5-LOL MOST MY MOVIES HAHAHA
6-HOME ALONE'S
MUSIC THAT IS HARD TO LISTIN TO
1-U GOT IT BAD BY USHER
2-CRAZY BY K C AND JOJO
3-GUNS AND ROSES SWEET CHILD OH MINE AND KNOCKING ON HEAVENS DOOR
4-POKER FACE
5-I KISSED A GIRL
6-3'S AND 7'S
7-SEETHER THE GIFT
8-BASICALLY ALL MY OLD FAVE SLOW SONGS

explains everything and how i was soooo screwed up but now over and fine with it all
"Lips Of An Angel"

Honey why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue

Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Honey why you calling me so late?
i am blogging out god bless all and for those who read i hope you can learn from this this will be my veary last blog thanks

dead line coming up for some reason im not worried i feel i just got caught up fell inlove little to late faught and lost but all in all i learned and apreciate everything in my life before and after i dont live with regreats i learn from mistakes my life is going as good as it gets got a new place got good friends and missing and thinking bout past and learning from it my fault my bad and time to move forward and realize it was a spark person was to young never new what love was now at the age were she dose and has her special someone now im in limbo loving life the way it is thrown at me ill do my time ill do my crime with dignity if i get time so be it ill never hate and ill never regreat ill just learn if i dont do time then i still learn and know not to let people in to late to let in early so i can live hapily ever after i fell inlove way to late cause i was SCARED thought lying about sleeping out was cool to be free again really it was lame and got me were i am but i dont regreat i learn love is powerfull and if u feel the way u do off of a first kiss and first pic and first convo of titanic (same interest) lol then u should realize thats love not someone u fuck and wanna leave but anyway im out i love my friend's FREE rob and i love u ashley, and i am here forever and ever and will love again and am no longer scared to love again

Your words they make just a whisper
Your face is so unclear
I try to pay attention
And the words just disappear
Cuz it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things i should have said
So i speak to you in riddles
Cuz my words get in my way
I smoke the whole thing to my head
And feel it wash away
Cuz i can't take anymore of this
I wanna come apart
And did myself a little hole
Inside your precious heart
Cuz it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things i should have said
I am nothing more than
A little boy inside
That cries out for intention
That i always try to hide
Cuz i talk to you like children
Though i don't know how i feel
But i know i'll do the right thing
If the right thing is in fear
Cuz its always raining in my head
Forget all the things i should have said

yay raptors season is starting soon bigger and better then ever ther team will go far forsure and lol i am looooooving it loooving life and love being single and cant wait to go out this weekend for my birthday billys birthday johns birthday gonna be a big party bash woot woot . and wooow things your find out everyday lmao and wish you would stop talking shit about me live your life im gone your happy im happy stop talking bad about me to people i know we had a hard time and u fell inlove or whatever but we DO have alot of history set aside the drama mayure up be happy and stop forgeting the good and remembering the bad it will take you farther with your man now I NEVER CHEATED i said i did so u would break up with me i got KATIE to go with it cause u told me your friend knew her so i knew she would talk to her went good but u never would break up with me i just diddint wanna date nomore but couldent break up with u cause diddint wanna hurt u i never CHEATED i wish that would come to a end right now lol i wasent the one talking to a girl sayen on my tagline im gonna miss him as i was dating you lol and then dating her right after we split lol but yet talked everynite on the phone with a person so therfor if u cant remember the good and the great and fun smileing times and just the bad stop talking shit about me to people and others it hurts its a stab in the throat and most of all dissapointing your better then that i know i fell inlove for a reason i got mine i got what i dissirved my fault for not knowing what love was till it was gone lesson learned with that said im out time to do some work to the comp and check all my mail and what not WHOEVER WANTS TO GO OUT FRIDAY MESSEGE ME peace love and godbless all

so happy to have my own place again in leduc it is an upgrade from my last 2 places and no memorys here yet got my digitsl cable and high speen internet and home phone all hooked up it is suweeeeeet lol i feel now that my heart is finally heald i can live life to the fullest and live and learn from mistakes in the past and be thatn much better of a man edgwood estates is officially my new home and i love it i have my best friend ashley living with me and it is soo cool to have a friend someone to talk to and laugh with but i think now i can finally look for a ladie to hold in my arms again forever and ever and tthis time ill never let go n then i wont ever have to worry bout moving again life is awsoooome ill put new phone number up in a day or 2 ok my number is 780-739-5424 an i am finally done setting stuff up for the most part hardest thing sofar has been going through everything and getting my ex's stufff together and seeing the card she sent when we couldent see one another ither then that it went great to know ill never have to see it again and to know it will be out of my house almost forgot pictures in my wallet so i looked in wallet at last second and got them together and took the pics out of the frames i had with 5 pic holes in it so now she will get everything im going to give her back even my lil-c bear and lil feef bear has to be donte they will end up in garbage or somewere in a box but atleast i dont have to see them nomore:) i am just sooo happy life is going so grat and looking up i love the new place sooooo much it is sooo beautiful glad to have my best friend ashley living with me now i just need to get a beautiful girlfriend hehehehehe someone to hold in my arms and never let go forever and ever till death do us apart i think i am ready to maybe love again if i find the right special someone hehehe and danelle i hope things get better for you 2 horses back to back that is sooo sad to hear keep you chin high lots of love and god bless

so happy to get my keys for my beautiful place in leduc tommorow then can go to bar work party with jay brandon damon alek and my old girlfriends it will be sooooo sweeeeeeeet CAhing hehehehehehe Life is sooo much better now woooooo

The truth is i have never cheated in my life. :0 landlord daughter katie i never slept with her ever . So instead i thought if i told her i cheated on her with katie she would leave me and i could be with katie instead but diddint work that way so i told katie if anyone ask you if i slept with you say yes so that way she would break up with me and i could be with her . Why did I do that because i felt katie was more outgoing more fun to be around and she allways smiled. not like her were she would be texting men non stop and them making her smile like the last 4 months of the relationship she treated me like dirt kisses felt fake couldent even do the love you more thing we had for 2 years without getting mad and i allways thought she was cheating on me it was allways to kids texting her and sure enough she is with one of them so im happy i broke up with her i found you ashley but now you know the truth and now you know the truth aswell ashley i have never cheated in my life i would not be able to do that the reason im finally telling it is it made me feel sick to even think i did after sayen u did for so long ustart to beleave the lie's and i cant beleave that lie nomore it is disgusting and sick just happy i left her before it got more heartbreaking so for any fellas out ther or wemen when your loved one only smiles when she receavs text from other men mean they are falling for them and doing anything they can do to piss you off for you to leave them sso they can go make love to the other guy or girl i love you ashley and now you know the truth it is out of the closet im done feeling like i was a cool guy cause i cheated im a bitch when it comes down to it im not man enough to do that much love i love you ashley cant wait till tommorow to c your beautiful face hehehe