wish all this shit wasn`t important.... Wish there was still people who cared what happened in the world, nobody really cares anymore. To bad i dont feel it was All my fault. Sorta thought things would be diffrent, I almost thought you guys would actualy care for me during thsi time instead of getting mad at me for beeing "Diffrent".
Kinda a bunch of nothing =]

Change happens to the best of us, And you know how they say things change to make then better in the End. Well i think that bull shit because sometimes you not ready to change but it happens anyways and you end up hurting the people who have always been there for you for no reason. You cant even stop it its like it wasnt even you doing it. But non of that matters when the two people you love are screaming at you saying that you ruined there lifes? nope it doesnt matter. Because after losing someone close to you, You change the way you look at things. Somtimes for the bad sometimes for the good. I just cant relate or even belive when you say i hate my life or i hate my body anymore. Your beautiful. I wish i could bring myself to keep repeating that too you but your not listening there is no point. And you, i love you with all my heart and it kills me to know that you think i hate you, i know we went through a part in our friendship were we were bickering at eachother but come on dont take that to heart. i know i did too but i really didnt know what i was doing, I still dont knwo what im doing. But i know now it seems like you two just get together and and wayy better friends then i could ever be, i dont even deserve you guys. Like you guys are the type of friend that draw little pictures for eachother and have weird little cute "things" with eachother. Im not like that. i dont even remember your birthdays...Fuck..
Too you it may seem like im the one that needs to apoligize and im the one that need to fix everything, but how do you exspect me to take the blame over and over and over again when its a too part deal...? i have forgiven i have forgotten everything bad i have apoligize for things tah really werent my fault i have taken all the beating i can handle. Now im mad, im mad because maybe not all those nights i stayed awake crying because i fucked everything un unintecoinaly where my fault. im just so use to takeing the blame... but really UGH. Fuck it hurts to know that when i was at teh funeral i knew i couldnt even call you guys and truly tell you how hard it was to watch a 80 year old man cry on my shoulder, Saying he had loved her for 45 years... why woudl you care you were far to busy beeing mad at me for beeing "different" I wishi could have told you about the dark cloud that hung around me for a good month. That day i felt liek shit and had to leave school you gusy didnt even come with me... THen you said you thought i didnt want you to come? why the fuck wouldnt i ? It hurt. So ugh after all the pointless writting just wann say its not ONLY my fault and thing wount ever be the same there no time meachin and i wish that everythgin wouldnt be blamed on the one perosn that actualy cared and stood by me te whole time. i still love you but everythign is diffrent now, it wount be the same. we have to start over but we cant if everytime somthing happens the past comes up.

If you get more than 30, get some counseling.
If you get more than 20, you’re paranoid.
If you get 11-20, you are normal.
If you get 10 or less, you’re fearless.
People who don’t have any are full of crap.



I fear ...
[ ] black people
[ ] the dark
[ ] staying single forever
[ ] being a parent
[ ] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces
[x] closed spaces
[ ] heights
[x] dogs
[ ] birds
[ ] fish
[x] spiders
[ ] flowers or other plants

Total so far: 3

[ ] being touched
[ ] fire
[x] deep water
[ ] snakes
[ ] silk
[ ] the ocean
[x] failure
[ ] success
[ ] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends dad
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends mom
[ ] rats
[ ] jumping from high places
[ ] snow

Total so far: 5

[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[ ] crossing hanging bridges
[ ] death
[ ] heaven
[x] being robbed/mugged
[ ] falling
[x] clowns
[x] dolls
[ ] large crowds of people
[ ] men
[ ] women
[ ] having great responsibilities
[x] doctors
[ ] tornadoes

Total so far: 8

[ ] hurricanes
[ ] incurable diseases
[ ] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[ ] ghosts
[ ] poverty
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains
[ ] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers
[ ] being alone
[ ] becoming blind
[ ] becoming deaf
[ ] growing up, old

Total so far: 8

[] creepy noises in the night
[ ] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[x] needles
[ ] blood

Total: 9

Now re-post with:
“I'm afraid of 9 out of 72 common fears"

1You dont even care..
2But You care to much

I write how i feel about you on little peices of paper then i hide them