Dear Grandpa:
I feel like in so many ways I've let you down. I wasn't there for you when you needed me to be your voice. I'll never forgive myself for that, Its the worst gulit to hold on my shoulders. I was so young and didn't no how to comfort you after the death of luke. I remember you screamng for him, Drunk and falling into the bath tub. I was in such disbeilf even till the end. The drugs and drunking were such a cover up for the way i was actually feeling. I didn't want to feel anything. I bulit my walls up so high that even now I'm having a hard time letting anyone in. Grandpa I remember when you died I use to cry so hard i couldn't breath. That feeling of being completely alone was so scarey, I would act defensive and angery to everyone I didn't no. I my mind i was protecting myself.
I still think about you everyday. My most fond mermories are with you. I remember how much i love you. I remember listening to the beatles as a kid '' ahaere comes the sun'' You were the only person I felt that was ever on my side completely. Everyone else was so cold towords me i felt, I would always run to you. I always wanted to be right beside you and never felt safe inless you where there. I couldn't sleep all night and you'd wait for me to crawel in bed with you. I remember I'd just lay on your bed and we'd talk about life and watch your old westerns. You always understood me better then anyone and you were my bestfriend for so long. I wish we would have never lost that connection.
Sometimes i wonder what would life be like if you were still alive. Maybe I wouldn't be so scared knowing that I still had you on my side. My i wouldn't has lost my determintion and will to suceed at everything i put my heart into. You truely made me believe after i got nikkie that i could do anything i wanted if i wanted it bad enough. I think what I missing the most is your smile and sence of humour. You could make the most misrable people grin and you where the best example i could have ever had. You were so hardworking and kind to everyone. I think thats what hurts me the most about this is because in my eyes you deserved so much more then what everyone gave you. Including myself. I did really try though, I remember christmas you would anyways tell me i gave you the most interesting gifts and i would look for so long for something that i thought was suiteable to such a smart person.
Grandpa, I miss you so much, I miss you with all my heart. There is NEVER a day that goes by that i don't think about you. In the next life i promise i will make it up to you when i find you.
I feel like in so many ways I've let you down. I wasn't there for you when you needed me to be your voice. I'll never forgive myself for that, Its the worst gulit to hold on my shoulders. I was so young and didn't no how to comfort you after the death of luke. I remember you screamng for him, Drunk and falling into the bath tub. I was in such disbeilf even till the end. The drugs and drunking were such a cover up for the way i was actually feeling. I didn't want to feel anything. I bulit my walls up so high that even now I'm having a hard time letting anyone in. Grandpa I remember when you died I use to cry so hard i couldn't breath. That feeling of being completely alone was so scarey, I would act defensive and angery to everyone I didn't no. I my mind i was protecting myself.
I still think about you everyday. My most fond mermories are with you. I remember how much i love you. I remember listening to the beatles as a kid '' ahaere comes the sun'' You were the only person I felt that was ever on my side completely. Everyone else was so cold towords me i felt, I would always run to you. I always wanted to be right beside you and never felt safe inless you where there. I couldn't sleep all night and you'd wait for me to crawel in bed with you. I remember I'd just lay on your bed and we'd talk about life and watch your old westerns. You always understood me better then anyone and you were my bestfriend for so long. I wish we would have never lost that connection.
Sometimes i wonder what would life be like if you were still alive. Maybe I wouldn't be so scared knowing that I still had you on my side. My i wouldn't has lost my determintion and will to suceed at everything i put my heart into. You truely made me believe after i got nikkie that i could do anything i wanted if i wanted it bad enough. I think what I missing the most is your smile and sence of humour. You could make the most misrable people grin and you where the best example i could have ever had. You were so hardworking and kind to everyone. I think thats what hurts me the most about this is because in my eyes you deserved so much more then what everyone gave you. Including myself. I did really try though, I remember christmas you would anyways tell me i gave you the most interesting gifts and i would look for so long for something that i thought was suiteable to such a smart person.
Grandpa, I miss you so much, I miss you with all my heart. There is NEVER a day that goes by that i don't think about you. In the next life i promise i will make it up to you when i find you.