♥ pls don't hurt me!

I miss my cousin jody so much!

i miss sleep overs and everything. Lately I've been all over the place my mind hasnt been where it's suppose to be. Its not focusing on what's important. I honestly can't believe half the stuff im doing. Im so annoyed with myself. Im annoyed with all the time i gave up hanging out with my friends. Im annoyed at how routined my life is but at the same time everyday there is something different. I just want to be happy and live my life. Its sad though when i try to do that I get shut down. There's always something going on. There's always someone calling me nagging me to come home, do this, do that, fix this, take care of her. honestly it's way too much stress. its stupid how i get all the respondabilities when everyones already all grown fucking up! C'mon at the age of fucking 17 i was taking the bus fucking everywhere. I took the bus for how much fucking years. 10 FUCKING LONG YEARS! Did anyone ever drive me to school when it was cold? NO! like every other month. So why the fuck do i have to be driving a spoiled little bitch to school? When im fucking working and cleaning up shit all fucking day. and wake up the next moring and be here mother? Aren't you suppose to be her mother? Not fucking me? If it was up to me i'd send her away for good! Don't you think YOU'D learn your lesson after like the first fucking 345872954289572 billion times? NO you dont.So why pass her on to me when i got other, more important shit to think about. You want me to pass school and do all this shit. Its like ok pass you shit onto me, cause you know that's what i need. WTF is wrong with you? why can't you just take the fucking bus. Arguement after arguement. You say you can take the bus. you can do this and you can do that. and i dont have to say yes. You fucking go back on your word. You know I hope you dont make it in life! So dont fucking come and tell me that Im not going anywhere in life and all this bullshit cause at least I have what's more important in life. COMMON SENSE! shut your fucking mouth.


Im upset at the fact that he still has the balls to come and talk to me. I really think that im going to turn into just another of you "gal"pals. I dont want to be like that. I dont want to be just somegirl. I WANT to be that girl who's loved and cared for on a whole another level by a guy whos willing to do that. I don't understand what i do wrong each and every single time. Why am i the one to get my feelings hurt, my heart broken and my mind played with. All i ever wanted was to show someone im there for them no matter what. I can care for you regardless of whatever.I know i had it so hard this year, but im hoping for the best. Everyday I think it's a new day I can start over and fresh, but in the back of my mind its there. All the hurt and pain is just hiding, deep down inside its there wanting to break free and be realesed. I hate knowning the fact its there..I just wanna break off from it. I know there's some things I've done in the pass that Im not very proud of, but i swore to myself I would never to do it again and hurt someone that way i hurt you* Im sorry for that. I know that you probably cant read this but whatever. I just look back at everything going on with guys, and maybe it just isnt my time. Maybe i attract all the wrong type of guys. Im so hung up on this topic it drives me nuts. I dont want to be hung up on it. I dont want to be thinking about it. I dont want to be scared everytime I go into a relationship. I want to be able to go into one hoping for the better. I know i shouldnt be worrying about it and im still young, blah blah i have time to think about it. BUT if you really think about it, in life do you have for anything? all you do it spend your whole life going to school, than you get to university or wherever your spending money to go to school to make money, than the rest of you life your working to make money to pay off going to school THAT you went there for to make that money. Which its soo stupid soo like 5 years into your career your done paying off school, than you finally can start you life? WTF! when is there enough time in there to even think about having to find someone? no where right? exactly my point soo what's the big deal when people are like your still young you have all the time in the world to find someone when at the same time their telling you that you dont have enough time to think about what you want to be doing. Get my point? cause im getting annoyed trying to explain it. I think it's stupid and wrong for fucking adults be telling you bullshit life lessons. The best life lessons are the ones learned on your own.

Im sitting here think about what happened last night. Im so >.< ! HAHAHA. really though I like him? He's a good guy! Its so funny to think that all happened so fast. But for now Im going to see where this takes me.