TEN FIRSTS:
First best friend: katherine
First screen name: tara?
First pet: 3 fish, teno teal and freckles
First piercing: ears
First crush: dont know his name
First CD: backstreet boys?
First car: dont drive
First stuffed animal: a teddy bear
NINE LASTS:
Last alchoholic beverage: summer maybe
Last car ride: today
Last movie seen: pride and prejudice
Last phone call: my mom
Last song played: buttons - pussycats dolls
Last bubble bath: long time
Last time you cried: april
EIGHT HAVE YOU EVERS:
Have you ever dated one of your best friends?: no
Have you ever been arrested?: no
Have you ever skinny dipped?: no
Have you ever been on tv?: yes
Have you ever kissed someone, and then regreted it?: no
Have you ever had a sex dream about someone?: wont say
Have you ever cheated on someone?: no
SEVEN THINGS YOU ARE WEARING:
jeans, tank top, sock, sweat shirt, earrings, rings, necklace
SIX THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY:
went to school, took the bus home, talked on msn, watched tv, played a fustrating game that i didnt finish, had a shower
FIVE FAVORITE THINGS IN NO ORDER:
dancing, shopping, sleeping, dancing, sleeping
FOUR PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO:
katherine, diana, mel, val
THREE CHOICES:
1.Black or White: black
2. Hot or Cold: hot
3. Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate
TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
go to ireland, see the world
ONE THING YOU REGRET:
dont really know
A - Age: 18 (19 in a month)
B - Band listening to right now: Danko Jones
C - Career: Currently working as a lingerie consultant
D - Drink or smoke: smoking is gross
E - Easiest person/s to talk to: katherine
F - Favorite song/s at the moment: song 2 by blur
G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: worms
J - Junk foods you like: sour cream and onion chips
L - Longest car ride ever: california
M - My favorite Sport/s: dont know
N - Number of relationships you've had: 2
O - One wish you have: marry orlando bloom lol
P - Phobias: people crowding around me unwelcomed
Q - Favorite Quote: "just watch me" Pierre elliot trudeau
R - Reason to smile: funny joke
S- Song: ?????
T- Time you woke up: sadly 8
U - Unknown fact about you: i dont like white chocolate
V - Vegetable/fruit you hate: squash
W - Worst habit: sarcasm (it has improved)
X - X-rays you've had: 7-8 i think
Y- Yummy food/s: lasgana, POTATOES
Z- Zodiac sign: libra
RIGHT NOW
Is your hair up? partly
Is your phone right beside you? yes
Do you have a bf/gf? no
Do you miss someone? yes
Do you wish you were somewhere else? yes
Do you have plans for tonight? kinda
Are you wearing makeup? yes
Are you wearing chapstick? no
Are you cold? nope
Are you tired? a little
Are you excited?sure
Are you watching t.v.? no
Are you wearing pajamas?no
Who's the last person you messaged? megan
Who's the last person that called you? collin
PAST
Recently done anything you regret? nope
Ever lied? yep
Ever spit at someone? nope
Ever trip over your own feet? yes
Ever had your nails done? yes
Ever thrown up because you cried so hard? no
TODAY
Have you yelled at someone? no
Have you gotten mad at someone? yes
Have you cried? no
Have you called more than 3 people? yes
Have you msgd more than 3 people? yes
Have you shaved your legs? yes
Have you eaten anything gross? no
SPILL YOUR GUTS
1. First thing you did this morning? did hair and make-up
2. Last thing you ate? bagel with peanut butter
3. Is your cell phone a piece of crap? no
4. What's something you look forward to in next 6 weeks? OIREACHTAS!
5. What's annoying you right now? i still have a little headache
6. What's the last movie you saw? your, mine, and ours
Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the 2004 Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:
1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."
5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
7. At the r owing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive''s wife stopped by his office.
When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
What's dangerous and swings from trees?
A monkey with a chainsaw!
1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, no, not now, damn motion sickness!"
11. Meow occasionally.
12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
13. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
17. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
18. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
23. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really?]
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far!]
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[not if I wipe thoroughly!]
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy!]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While
[you think?!]
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[who would have thought!]
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something!]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[weren't they fat enough?!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Now there's a tragedy!
50 Ways to Scare People in a Computer Lab
1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and
scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look
suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you
can't get the darn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5
minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different
screen than the one it's set up with.
6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the
highest volume possible over & over again.
7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something
on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret
Pentagon files.
9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.
10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.
11. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say
"Just in case..." mysteriously.
12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at
everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.
13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're
crazy while typing.
14. Light candles around your terminal before starting.
15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone
agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, "Oops, I forgot."
16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray
"Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
17. "DISK FIGHT!!!"
18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps
if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).
19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by
hitting the keys with the straw.
20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps
Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
21. Draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your
monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain
loudly that women (men) are worthless.
22. Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge into the 3 1/2" disc drive, when it
doesn't work, get the supervisor.
23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the
smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.
24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when it's all done
(two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisely. After doing this
for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.
26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to
you. Grind some more. Repeat procedure, making sure you never
provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases
tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger.
27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them
and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.
28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your
desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place
them on top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them
around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of
cotton on plastic.
30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like
this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working
conditions.
31. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue
working.
32. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.
33. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B
key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly.
Write an entire paper this way.
34. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
35. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me,
mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it.
36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the
old ways are best.
38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you
see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your
fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit
his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you
do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and
resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until
you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then,
suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space
bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out
your document and leave.
40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and
complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put
some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the
computer is drooling.)
41. Stare at the screen of the person next to you, look really puzzled, burst
out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your
stuff and leave, howling as you go.
42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate
hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap
back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk
back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and
calmly start to type again.
43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
44. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them
like you've known them all your lives. Hangup before they get a
chance to figure out you're a total stranger.
45. Bring a small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects.
Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead
doesn't work.
47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers
in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily,
exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat this
after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the
keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant,
and walk out.
48. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly
sit down and begin to type.
49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw,
rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say, "Give
me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next
week".
50. Two words: Tesla Coil.
DO NOT GO STRAIGHT TO THE END …
It will only take a minute
Do the maths as you read the instructions
Don’t read the end until you have done all the calculations
I promise it is not a waste of time, you will find this amusing.
1. How many times a week do you fancy eating chocolate?
(Choose between 1 and 9)
2. Multiply that number by 2
3. Add 5
4. Multiply by 50 - go on, get that calculator out!
5. If you have had your birthday in 2006, add 1756. If your birthday is still to come, add 1755.
6 Now take away the year you were born.
You should have a three digit number. The first is the number of time you fancy eating chocolate in a week.
The other two digits are …
YOUR AGE!!!
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some
One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with voice. “Have you got a license for that thing?” Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. “OK” he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall. As she took the corner near the TV wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted “STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?” Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said “On your way, Ma’am.” As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, buck-naked, and holding his you-know-what” in his hand. “Oh, good grief,” yelled Ethel, “Not that damn Breathalyzer Test again
Do fish ever get thirsty?
Its impossible to lick your own elbow (most people upon reading this will try and lick their elbow)
If you put a sticker on a non-stick pan will it stick?
Whats the T in t-shirt stand for?
How can sweet and sour sauce me both at the same time?
If your in hell, where do you tell someone your mad at to go?
If you have x-ray vision and you close your eyes can you still see?
Yield:
1 Day BREAKFAST
1/2 Grapefruit
1 sl Whole wheat toast,
dry 8 oz Skim milk
LUNCH
4 oz Lean broiled chicken breast
1 c Steamed spinach
1 c Herb tea
1 Oreo cookie
MIDAFTERNOON SNACK
Rest of Oreos in the package
2 pt Rocky Road ice cream
1 Jar hot fudge sauce Nuts Cherries Whipped cream
DINNER
2 Loaves garlic bread with cheese
1 lg Sausage,mushroom & cheese pizza
4 can Beer OR 1 lg Pitcher of beer
3 Milky Way or Snickers Candy bars
Rules for this diet:
1.If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2.If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar,the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
3.When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you don’t eat more than they do.
4.Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count,such as hot chocolate,brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake
5.If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6.Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entire entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel. (Example: Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn,Junior Mints,Red Hots, or Tootsie Rolls).
7.Cookie pieces contain no calories.The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
8.Things licked off knives or spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples: peanut butter on a knife while making sandwiches or ice cream on a spoon while making a sundae.
9.Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories.Examples are spinach and pistachio ice cream or mushrooms and white chocolate.
NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substitited for anyother food color.
