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Funny written jokes:

Q: How many kid's with A.D.D does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Wanna go ride a bike?

Q: Whats the best part about getting a blojob?
A: 10 Min of silence.

Q: How do you know you are getting to much protien in your diet?
A: She has to chew before she swallows.

Q: Whats long and Brown and sticky all over?
A: A stick

Q: When is a vampire most sexually active?
A: When a womans on her menstral cycle.
(I created that joke)

Q: How do you know a carpenter has obsessive compulsive disorder?
A: He measures twice, cuts twice.
(I created this joke too)

Q: Have you heard about the man with the fve penises?
A: His pant's fit him like a glove.

***If you have an opinion on these pic's or written jokes...please comment and tell me what your opinion is.***

Funny Songs:

Stephen Lynch
Special Fred

When I was a boy of 10
I had a very best friend
Fred was kind with good intent
But just a little different

Oh special Fred
Mama dropped on his head
Now hes not so bright instead
Hes a little bit special
Just a little bit

We played tag and hed get hurt
Id play soldier he'd eat dirt
I like math and the spelling bee
Fred liked talking to a tree

Oh special Fred
Mama dropped on his head
Now she keeps him in the shed
Cause hes a little bit special
Just a little bit

I ran track hung out in malls
Fred went headfirst into walls
I had girls and lots of clothes
Fred had names for all his toes

Oh special Fred
Mama dropped him on his head
Now he thinks hes a piece of bread
Cause hes a little bit special
Just a little bit

One day talking to special Fred
He grabbed a brick and he swung at my head
And as he laughed at me thats when I knew
That special Fred just made me special to

Woah woah now I laugh as I count bugs
I give strangers great big hugs
Next to me Fred is fine
Yeah hes a f***in einstein

Oh special Fred and me
Now we're not so bright instead
We're a little bit special
Just a little bit special
That bastard Fred made me special
Just a little bit

Just a little bit........special

Smashmouth.
Walking on the Sun

It ain't no joke
I'd like to buy the world a toke
And teach the world to sing in perfect harmony
And teach the world to snuff the fires and the liars
Hey I know its just a song but its spice for the recipe
This is a love attack I know it went out but its back
And just like any fad it retracts before impact
And just like fashion its a passion for the with-it and hip
If ya got the goods they'll come and buy it just to stay in the clique

So don't delay act now supplies are running out
Allow if your still alive, six to eight years to arrive
And if you follow their may be a tomorrow but if
The offers shun you might as well be 'walking on the sun

Twenty-five years ago they spoke out and they broke out of recession and oppression and Together they toked.
And they folked out with guitars 'round the bonfire just singing and clapping Man what the hell happened?
And some where spellbound, some where hellbound, some they fell down and they got back up and Fought back against the meltdown.
And their kids were hippie chicks or hypocrites because fashion is smashing' the true meaning of it

So don't delay act now supplies are running out
Allow if your still alive, six to eight years to arrive
And if you follow their may be a tomorrow but if
The offers shun you may as well be 'walk-in on the sun

It ain't no joke when a momma's handkerchief it soaked
With her tears because her baby's life had been revoked
The bond is broke up so choke up and focus on the close up
Mr. Wizard can't perform no God like hocus pocus
So don't sit back kick back and watch the world get bush whacked
News at ten your neighborhood is under attack
Put away the crack, before the crack puts you away
You need to be there when your baby's old enough to relate

So don't delay act now supplies are running out
Allow if your still alive, six to eight years to arrive
And if you follow their may be a tomorrow but if
The offers shun you may as well be 'walking on the sun


Johnny Rivers
The way we live

You ask me why I don't smile
Is there something troublin' me
Just open your eyes and look around
And tell me what do you see

Can you understand the things people do
And the way they treat each other
And tell me how far has man really come
When today he's still killing his brother

It makes no difference where you do it
Or what name you use
I know if things keep going this way
Everyone's gonna lose
Everybody's gonna lose

We're doing alright with material things
You can tell by the way we live
But with all these things man has learned how to do
Still hasn't learned how to give

If you don't have the answers right now
I'll see you after a while
But if next time I still look this way
You'll know why I don't smile...


Eve Of Destruction
Barry McGuire

The eastern world it tis explodin',
violence flarin', bullets loadin',
you're old enough to kill but not for votin',
you don't believe in war, what's that gun you're totin',
and even the Jordan river has bodies floatin',
but you tell me over and over and over again my friend,
ah, you don't believe we're on the eve of destruction.

Don't you understand, what I'm trying to say?
Can't you see the fear that I'm feeling today?
If the button is pushed, there's no running away,
There'll be noone to save with the world in a grave,
take a look around you, boy, it's bound to scare you, boy,
but you tell me over and over and over again my friend,
ah, you don't believe we're on the eve of destruction.

Yeah, my blood's so mad, feels like coagulatin',
I'm sittin' here, just contemplatin',
I can't twist the truth, it knows no regulation,
handful of Senators don't pass legislation,
and marches alone can't bring integration,
when human respect is disintegratin',
this whole crazy world is just too frustratin',
and you tell me over and over and over again my friend,
ah, you don't believe we're on the eve of destruction.

Think of all the hate there is in Red China!
Then take a look around to Selma, Alabama!
Ah, you may leave here, for four days in space,
but when you return, it's the same old place,
the poundin' of the drums, the pride and disgrace,
you can bury your dead, but don't leave a trace,
hate your next-door-neighbour, but don't forget to say grace,
and you tell me over and over and over and over again my friend,
ah, you don't believe we're on the eve of destruction.


Moody blues
Question

Why do we never get an answer
When we're knocking at the door?
With a thousand million questions
About hate and death and war.

It's where we stop and look around us
There is nothing that we need.
In a world of persecution
That is burning in it's greed.

Why do we never get an answer
When we're knocking at the door?
Because the truth is hard to swallow
That's what the wall of love is for.

It's not the way that you say it
When you do those things to me.
It's more the way that you mean it
When you tell me what will be.

And when you stop and think about it
You won't believe it's true.
That all the love you've been giving
Has all been meant for you.

I'm looking for someone to change my life.
I'm looking for a miracle in my life.
And if you could see what it's done to me
To lose the the love I knew
Could safely lead me through.

Between the silence of the mountains
And the crashing of the sea
There lies a land I once lived in
And she's waiting there for me.

But in the grey of the morning
My mind becomes confused
Between the dead and the sleeping
And the road that I must choose.

I'm looking for someone to change my life.
I'm looking for a miracle in my life.
And if you could see what it's done to me
To lose the the love I knew
Could safely lead me to
The land that I once knew.
To learn as we grow old
The secrets of our souls.

It's not the way that you say it
When you do those things to me.
It's more the way you really mean it
When you tell me what will be.

Why do we never get an answer
When we're knocking at the door?
With a thousand million questions
About hate and death and war.

It's where we stop and look around us
There is nothing that we need.
In a world of persecution
That is burning in it's greed.

Why do we never get an answer
When we're knocking at the door?



The Who
The Seeker
I've looked under chairs
I've looked under tables
I've tried to find the key
To fifty million fables

[chorus:]
They call me The Seeker
I've been searching low and high
I won't get to get what I'm after
Till the day I die

I asked Bobby Dylan
I asked The Beatles
I asked Timothy Leary
But he couldn't help me either

[chorus]

People tend to hate me
'Cause I never smile
As I ransack their homes
They want to shake my hand

Focusing on nowhere
Investigating miles
I'm a seeker
I'm a really desperate man

[Chorus]

I won't get to get what I'm after
Till the day I die

I learned how to raise my voice in anger
Yeah, but look at my face, ain't this a smile?
I'm happy when life's good
And when it's bad I cry
I've got values but I don't know how or why

I'm looking for me
You're looking for you
We're looking in at other
And we don't know what to do

[chorus]


Cat Stevens
Miles From Nowhere

Miles from nowhere
I guess I'll take my time
Oh yeah, to reach there

Look up at the mountain
I have to climb
Oh yeah, to reach there.

Lord my body has been a good friend
But I won't need it when I reach the end

Miles from nowhere
Guess I'll take my time
Oh yeah, to reach there

I creep through the valleys
And I grope through the woods
'cause I know when I find it my honey
It's gonna make me feel good

I love everything
So don't it make you feel sad
'cause I'll drink to you, my baby
I'll think to that, I'll think to that.

Miles from nowhere
Not a soul in sight
Oh yeah, but it's alright

I have my freedom
I can make my own rules
Oh yeah, the ones that I choose

Lord my body has been a good friend
But I won't need it when I reach the end

Miles from nowhere
Guess I'll take my time
Oh yeah, to reach there

(To sum up how I see it (not to take away from smaller yet larger parts of each song):
1. Freespirit loving guy
2. Seeing, feeling and questioning pain and loneliness
3. War and questions
4. Love and questions
5. Search for answers
6. Maturing and understanding)