It seems that the more stress I have to deal with, the less I want to eat.
I feel full, yet I have not eaten today.
So I should write down my ďmeal plan.Ē
Weíre broke = breakfast
Auntie might lose her job = lunch
Canít afford summer school = snack
Wanting to die but not wanting to leave everything else behind = dinner
Wanting it to get better = Dessert
I live with my aunt and uncle and my three cousins.
An eleven year old (almost twelve)
Her and I share a room, she canít stop sneaking food
A six year old
His room is beside ours, he wets his bed constantly.
He throws fits and is so confused about life.
A two year old
She is in the room across the hall with her mother and father.
Luckily, my uncle is her birthfather.
She says no a lot, but I guess thatís a good thing in a way.
My aunt and uncle fight sometimes, they have been married since 2008.
My aunt, she is a sweet normal mother, she doesnít know what sheís doing wrong.
My uncle is a hard ass, but he is pretty cool.
They are both pretty strict.
Me: Iím a gender-queer thingy living in their house, frustrated with the fact that nothing will ever be better unless EVERYONE fucking does something.
I am forever filled with angst and hate for my family that I love.
I look fine I guess.
Iím not obese, Iím not abnormal.
Iím not covered with a bunch of signs saying Iím a fucking freak.
So why do I feel like everyone is so determined to make me hard to find.
I donít want to die.
I donít want to starve.
I donít want to bleed.
I want to be happy.
Just for once for fuck-sakes.