I've been pondering & drinking with this heavy feeling in my chest,
One minute it was good, The next it was bad wondered what happened to what we had,
Boy you just left me without a sign...
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW HOW GOOD YOU HAVE IT, UNTIL IT'S GONE, TRUST ME I KNOW.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO GO TO BED EVERY NIGHT CRYING, & TO WAKE UP IN TEARS.
DAY BY DAY, WHAT IT'S LIKE TO REMINENCE ABOUT YOU, AND JUST FALL INTO TEARS,
WITH THE SIGHT OF SOMETHING THAT REMOTELY REMINDS ME OF YOU, AND FOR YOUR HEART JUST TO DROP,
IT KIND OF FEELS LIKE YOU WANT TO THROW UP, AND YOU CAN'T EAT, SOMETIMES YOU STRUGGLE TO BREATH.
JUST KNOWING YOU'VE NEVER HAD THE GUTS TO TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON SAYS ALOT.
AS MONTHS GO BY I STILL FEEL THE SAME WAY I ALWAYS DID, YES IM STRUGGLING WITH EMOTION,
I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE SHOWING YOU FRIENDSHIP BECAUSE YOU DON'T DESERVE IT.
COMPASSION LIES BENEATH THE TOUGHEST EXTERIORS, & EVEN THOUGH IT SEEMS LIKE YOU DON'T PHASE ME,
YOU DO. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR IS SHOWING YOURSELF NO SELF RESPECT.
WHEN SOMEONE BETRAYS YOU, THERE IS NO FORGIVENESS, YOU DON'T GO
RUNNING BACK TO THEM BECAUSE THEY DEFINATELY HAVEN'T CHANGED. I SHOULD KNOW,
I FORGAVE YOUR "SINCERE" APPOLOGIES & YOU PUT ME OFF JUST LIKE BEFORE.
BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU MADE ONE OF THE BIGGEST MISTAKES OF YOUR LIFE,
JUST KNOW I WAS ALWAYS TOO SMART, CONSIDERATE, KIND, AND SELF CONFIDENT TO REMIAN IN THE GAME.
I'VE NEVER BEEN PLAYED THE FOOL, & I DON'T INTEND TO START. I WILL NOT BE PUT SECOND PLACE,
AND SINCE I WAS NEVER YOUR FIRST, IT'S GAME OVER. NEXT TIME YOU COME TELLING ME
YOU KNOW YOU WERE STUPID, & YOUR SORRY, I'LL BE STRONG & LAUGH INSIDE BECAUSE
I'VE ALWAYS MENT NOTHING TO YOU, AND EVENTUALLY I'LL BE ABLE TO LOOK IN YOUR EYES,
WITH MY EYES NOT FILLED WITH TEARS, WITH MY HEAD HELD HIGH KNOWING I ALWAYS HAD IT IN ME
NOT TO FALL INTO YOUR GAMES. I'M SAD, BUT NOT LIKE THE FIRST TIME,
IT'S BETTER BECAUSE I WAS PREPARED TO FALL,
& BE LEFT ALONE.
thought i might as well publish this because it's sitting in my bio notes. just reading this out makes me feel sick to my stomach.
