lately i have been having trouble with my mind so to speak and ive been wondering would any of you miss me if i died and lets say if you knew i was going to die in a week what would you do?
its funny when im not writing poems on here im ranting well this is a rant but not too much of one but i find it funny when people ask you for favors and even if you give everything you got they still say you owe them more even though they haven returned the favor nor have they made you like easier to live well im in that boat right now, she blames it on her "pmsing" but i think thats bullshit i mean come one when your like that all the time you can hardly blame it on something that happens once a month, but on a lighter note i saw the hangover part 2 and it was fucking funny you guys should watch it if you havent, gosh i love our talks together imaginary world of nex sometimes you talk back sometimes you dont your almost like the perfect friend, i can yell and scream at you and you dont yell back its perfect well almost...but thats a different topic im off to bed night world
this is the path you tread
built by the lies you have spread
a road built on strife
caused by your pathetic life
at the end is your treat
that will lead to your defeat
for this is the path you tread
built by the lies you have spread
i look into a mirror
i see
a demon
a devil
this is who i am
who i have always been
full of sin
full of hate
i am a demon
i am a devil
yet you still find purity in my soul
you still see the good in me
when i see my reflection in your eyes
i see
an angel
how can one obtain forgiveness does one ask for it or does one earn it i believe you have to earn it.
its one thing to ask someone to forgive you but if you dont give them a reason to forgive you then why should they, i know everyone craves forgiveness for there past sin, i am no exception infact i think im the best example i can give, in my past i have done terrible things to the one i loved and i lost her love forever but if i can get forgiveness from her my soul will be at ease and if that means being her servant then i shall, there are many people i have hurt with my actions and i wish to be forgiven by all of them some may just give me forgiveness some will make me earn it, so to all that i have hurt and you know who you are i am asking will you forgive me for the pain i have caused you
i know more people hate me then they love be and i know people have used me for there own pleasures but you know what...i dont care infact i sorta feel enjoyment out of some people hating me call me sick or call me twisted for i am both sure somedays it hurts but others its kinda funny sometimes to hide the pain sometimes just the chilish reasons we stopped being friends and they hate me i mean one person hated me cause i was friends with one of there enemies but before we were sorta close, its funny that your friends relationships with eachother effects you so much, but hey shit happens im writing this to say....I DONT GIVE A FUCK IF YOU HATE ME EVENTUALLY I WILL LIVE OFF IT AND IT WILL GIVE ME FUEL TO LIVE
surrounded by fire and brimstone
my natural surroundings
blade in hand i fight
fight the demons i have created
one by one they attack
slowly weakening me
weakening my sanity
my mind
soon
very soon
my demons will win
they will devour my soul
devour my spirit
turn me into one of them
but untill that time comes
i will fight
all the demons
that i have created
i will fight
untill they devour my mind
my spirit
well it seems that you have left me i know i should be strong and i know i should try to get you back but i want to know if you want me to try or of you still love me
i would do anything for you, thats why im working so hard to see you
i know it seems impossible but it will happen
god fucking dammit what is it with july 1st always being the worst day ever. something bad always happens to me and lately for the past two years ive been losing people close to me on july 1st well you know what FUCK YOU WORLD FUCK YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU THROW AT ME AND FUCK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO THINKS I ACTUALLY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THEN NEWS FLASH I DONT LOVE YOU I DONT LOVE ANYONE SO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE WHY NOT MAKE JULY 1ST YOUR WORST DAY JUST LIKE ITS MY WORST DAY
hmm well graduation is just around the corner seems exciting for most people but for me it will just be another day and another bother. i dont like dressing up formal cause its not me but i guess i have to,
well with grad come the prom and after grad. i dont have a problem with after grad it seems fun and all but its prom the last dance in the highschool life but i dont have a date for it..and im not about to ask anyone, they will say no anyway, im waiting for someone to ask me
this is not another thing saying my depression but telling my rage towards people so if you dont like it dont fucking comment and dont fucking read it, first of all to the people who constently rip me down by reminding me of my suicidal problem and telling me to go on pills..go fuck yourself if i wanted to go on pills i would but im no fucking pill popper so mind your own fucking business i open up to you in hope for help not critisism, to the one person i can actually talk to (you know who you are) i thank you for being there for me, now for my favorite type of person the over obsessive bitches no i dont want to date you no it will never work and no i dont give a fuck on what you all apparently did for me, and i dont fucking care if you have no one maybe you are the problem cause you are either a fucking controlling bitch or just a dirty fucking slut, and to people who only get closer to me when im in a depression just get the fuck out of my life i dont need your fucking sympathy, now that i got some of my rage out to those who actually are my friends im glad you are in my life and i hope you will still stay in my life(and no i dont mean people who think i think of them as a friend..your just annoying)
wow really i can't believe peoples view about me everyone thinks when i get in a relationship i automatically have sex with them and that im completely sex driven im not sure yea sex is great i love sex but i can live without it its not something i need to live or to stay in a relationship i think of it as a bonus and im getting really sick of people who think im just a sex fiend gah people piss me off....fuck i need a drink
ok this is compleatly opposite if my rant that i had before this post i know before i said that i pretty much hate everyone but now im craving love i mean i would do anything just for a hug i would kill people for a hug i mean just imagine what im willing to do to get into a relationship i know i have done my bad things in the past and i know no matter what i cannot change it but thats why people forgive and forget right? i know i have told people to be emotionless and it will be alright..i was that way for the lasst 4 years even when i was with my ex for 2 and a half years of that, what im trying to say is i really want to be in a relationship where i can hold some one and kiss someone sure yea sex would be great but if she doesnt want to or if she is a virgin and is waiting to see if im worthy of it then thats fine, any realationship i will go in to just as long as it wont end up like mine and my ex's did it was more of a slave and master relationship(and no not the sexual kind) but if anyone out there wants to day me im all for it...not that anyone really reads and replys to these unless its directed towards them
well now that i finally try to make an effort to open my heart to someone they go away like seriously what the fuck you say you prefer to be physical if that was the case then why the fuck did you get close in the first place the pain you caused me is the worst i have ever had and to other people who say you "love" me i think you all are full of fucking shit and i think your all hiding behind your masks...i wonder how many of you have really shown me who you really are or are you just pretending to give a fuck cause you feel sorry for me and my depression problem.
its like i cant open up to anyone anymore, im just some forgotten toy in everyones toy box always getting played with but then they get bored of me and through me aside till i seem interesting again.
and to all my true friends(which im thinking is none at this moment) i would like it if you would stay my true friends and dont put on the mask of fakes and hide your true face from me
little brother-wow that hard
me-harder then a male strippers...nevermind
mom-harder then you watching male strippers oh god eric i expected better from you
me-MOM GROSS...only on weekends i watch them its cheeper
