Rubicon

Praying for myself.
These thoughts I try to hide.
I have faith in me and hope this will survive.
But it's tearing me apart.
I can't hear the words by which I guide.
So I must ask again who will carry me.

I will not deny that nothing can defend
from the helplessness that's cutting deep inside,
and I cannot prevent the thought that nothing's real.
Seems I've waited years for this day to end.

The strength I need to feel, the pride inside of me,
Are not there behind the face staring back at me.
The anger and the pain of knowing where I am.
I have come so far and I cannot return.

Nothing I can do that I have not done.
No words I can say. No truth left that I can see.
So must I let this end so everything falls apart.
Before I live the life as I have always done.

Tell me what to do so I do nothing wrong.
Something I can hope for. Something real that I can see.
So nothing falls apart. So that it does not end.
I cannot return. I can't start again.

You speak of knowledge, Judicator? You
speak of experience? I have journeyed
through the darkness between the most
distant stars. I have beheld the births of
negative-suns and borne witness to the
entropy of entire realities...
Unto my experience, Aldaris, all that you've
built here on Aiur is but a fleeting dream. A
dream from which your precious Conclave
shall awaken, finding themselves drowned
in a greater nightmare. ~