A WONDERFUL, HORRIBLE DRINKING SONG


1 SHOT!
Back In Manitoba, You carved your name
Into my nightstand & still to this day
When I see your name, it makes me feel
Just like I Did Back when i was with you
So I write you a Letter to find you're the same
You've got a Boyfriend but don't mention his name
And There's So much to say, when I reply
Because every day I've got You on my mind.

2 SHOTS!!!
My heart was a virgin before I met you
You were the First on I Loved, now I can't forget you
Now I'm all alone, Singing this song
About how my heart has been yearning so long
So I drink a Pint & Write you a Letter
Wondering if you're life's any better
But you say it isn't, and I Sympathize
Because I still don't think you've realized

You Ain't the First & You Ain't the Last
But I just Can't Seem To Put You In The Past
And I Still don't think that You've Realized
That You Were the Best Part Of My
Wonderful Horrible Life!

3 SHOTS!!!

Back in Manitoba, You were more than a Memory
You were a beautiful girl I Could Hear, Touch & See
But here in the Mountains you're a still photograph
A Black & White reminder of Good times gone past
So I Drink 2 Pints & Write you again
Wondering about how your life has been
But you say the same, and I'm not surprised
So I just sing a Drunken Lullubie

You Ain't the First & You Ain't the Last
But I just Can't Seem To Put You In The Past
And I Still don't think that You've Realized
That You Were the Best Part Of My
Wonderful Horrible Life!

4 SHOTS!!!

So if you don't care, don't pay me no mind
There's others out there, I guess I'll just have to find
Someone just like you, though you ain't the first
It's just that I love you so much that it hurts
So I go to the Tavern & order a drink
But those Whisky-Ryes only make me think
So I tell my story to all the Bar Flys
Who order me up some of those Whisky Rye's
Then I sit down with Paper & Pen
And write you a heartfelt letter Again
Then I Stumble off to send you the mail
Notes fueled by Love, Whisky & Ale
Then when you reply, I read it Aloud
In O'Riley's Pub to my Beer-Drinking Crowd
When the note's over, We're All Laughing
And as it falls to the Floor, we all get up & Sing:

You Ain't the First & You Ain't the Last
But I'm Caught in the Moment & Not In the Past
But I Still don't think that You've Realized
That You Were A Great Part of My
Wonderful Horrible Life!

5 SHOTS!!!

Well you haven't wrote me for about a month
Which is about how long I've been Drunk
Why don't you send me a Letter or two?
Sounds like an idea ...That's just what I'll do!
So I Drink 4 Pints & write you a card
I don't think responding should be too hard
And sure enough, you write me back
But you're letter's so fucked that you must be on Crack!

6 SHOTS!!!

Back In Manitoba, You Carved your Name in My Table
At the Time I Loved you but now I think you're Unstable
And now I'm starting to Realize
That I never did see through your Red Cocaine Eyes
So I drink 5 pints & write you a letter
Only to find that your eyes have got Redder
And there's nothing to say, so why even reply?
But I do anyway, and this time I won't lie!

You Ain't the First & You Ain't the Last
You're Somewhere in the Middle & Somewhere in the Past
And I Still Do Love You, But I Can't Figure Out Why
'Cause You Were the WORST Part of My
...Wonderful, Horrible Life!

7 SHOTS!!!

Back In Manitoba, You Carved Your Name in My Table
YOU FUCKING BITCH! YOU OWE ME A TABLE!!!
I Think It's Time that I write you a letter
Letting you know what would make me feel better
So I drink 6 Pints & Try to Write you again
But I'm so drunk I can't find Paper or Pen
So I grab a pencil and write you a note
On a cigarette pack telling you "YOU SHOULD CHOKE!"

You Ain't the First & You Ain't the Last
You're Somewhere in the Middle & Somewhere in the Past
Maybe It's the Rum, Maybe It's the Rye;
'Cause You Were the WORST Part of My Wonderful Horrible Life!

8 SHOTS!!!

I'm Singing this Song In Drunk Honesty
When I make it big I hope you buy the CD
And When I go on Tour I'll set up on Your Lawn
I'll Be Drunk As Fuck & Singing this Song!

You Ain't the First & You Ain't the Last
You're Somewhere in the Middle & Somewhere in the Past
So I'll Drink Some Rum & I'll Drink Some Rye
But I'd Feel Best If You Would Just Die

Da da da da, Da da Da da da...

(CAN YOU GUESS WHO THIS ONE'S ABOUT?)