I fear for the joy
That I once craved as a little boy
To frolic and play
So happy each day
Now I am older
Lost, but bolder.
That deepening fear of happiness
Enveloped by depressions nastiness,
I hold this fear so I don't get hurt
But with you.. I don't have that fear;
My only fear... Is to lose you, yes you Izzie
I have fallen for you, and you alone
I can safely say I have never felt this before,
You're the one I adore.
Please don't go...
Spiralling into this deepened depression
Why do I have such a sick obsession,
To be unhappy; am I scared?
To be snared,
By love; love from someone special
That one to hold and wrestle.
I have that girl within my life,
Though.. If I dare lose her it'll cause strife,
Within; my being.
I hope that you are the one that is keying..
At the lock; the one inside my heart
If you stop it will surely fall apart...
Laying in the dark my tears unfold
Waiting to see what shall behold
Pain, misery, and grief
Where is my bitter sweet relief?
Sorrow; anguish that's all I feel
A fake smile for those I must appeal
Cannot bare it, cannot hide; caught dead in my tracks
I am a living spirit..
"This is only a poem, don't take it seriously."
What I knew is shattered, beaten and battered
What was once my heart now tattered
Lifeless corpse, blood splattered
This is my suicide note
The last thing I ever wrote..
To just snuff out these taunting thoughts,
hindering my actions,
Silencing my words,
binding me to this lonely fate..
Would make me whole again,
The escape from the pain.
Is the only thing I wish to gain..
Seething with rage my blood boils,
As the morbid thought in my head toils.
What can stop me from this?
Where is that everlasting feeling of bliss?
Why has this anger emerged?
The enveloping want of it to be purged.
When will I take grasp of composure.
It could be fixed through enclosure,
I'd rather free myself of this painful exposure.
What is it called when you fall for somebody whom does not want to be with you, punishment? You lie in bed thinking all of what could and can be during all these hours spent. The pain the sorrow the deep agony of shear depression of what you cannot achieve. What did i do wrong to be so cast aside so torn utterly deceived. When will this curse be lifted when will I be saved from this blight.This sad fickle miserable thing I call life...
What am I to you in this petty world?
Have I come to naught?
My life shattered and hurled
Twisted and whirled
For all that I have fought
Am I but a pawn?
Am I better of gone..
Or dare I wait for the dawn...
Shrouded by envy
I want to be someone else
Scared of who I am
Living in a fantasy world, the feeling is a bliss
Nothing could be better but just a simple kiss
I wake up to find it was all a dream it was fake
In my sadness and agony I tremble and shake
I am alone, I am ugly, this reality is not what I want
All I want is you, but that is only a dream and nothing more
I have always failed you, nothing good can ever come from me
My hands are shaking, my eyes are filled with tears my vision poor
Just leave me to rot, wallow in my grief my pain.. let me be
I am nothing..
"Just some practice, can be better though I am still learning. Give me pointers please?"
Where is the moment when I find my escape.
Take hold of my soul and shape.
My heart back into what it was before.
This is my life.. don't look at it as if it were some chore.
I have been broken down over and over again.
Overwhelmed by this essence destroying pain.
I will be your puppet, if you play my master.
This time will not end in disaster.
You are my hope, you are my light.
You have given me faith, I am not just another blight.
This sinking feeling this never ending thought I must be falling.
Where will it take me, where will I go?
This haunting feeling I will never know.
Will I ever find my calling?
Wherever it is that I land..
I hope it's on my feet...
Hiding within my mind thinking , dreaming, imagining
The deeper I delve into my mind the more my heart is blackening
Filled with anger and hate heart racing quickly
The wounds I have made they bleed the blood ever spills ever so thickly..
Those you thought you could trust stab you in the back
Why was the one i fell for a fucking nymphomaniac
Used tossed aside like garbage
The sorrow and emptiness in my heart.. I am only its hostage.
Am I a better man then all of this?
Or will my entire being fall into the abyss?
Am I worth saving?
Or will you be the one engraving..
My name upon the tombstone where I lie
Detoxify these horrible thoughts take away this pain save me free me
Can you not hear my plea?
Or will I drift away like a nobody...
What do you think defines maturity?
I think maturity is defined through responsibility. What does that mean exactly to me? Well I feel it has a lot to do with being able to resist actions such as peer pressure. Don't follow people like a drone. Being able to have people count on you.
Being able to be faithful without anyone believing you. So whether or not people may think you are unfaithful you can continue along your path knowing all well that you do not have those sort of morals.
Maturity has nothing to do with the way somebody may act in the sense of if they find something fun or funny. Say if you're in class randomly and someone farted and you laughed your ass off. Just because you find that funny does not make you immature.
But there is a time and place, if you are having a serious conversation and suddenly something like that happens or you crack a joke then that is a moment of immaturity which is not a good thing. Otherwise it does not make you an immature person.
I bring all of this up because people seem to think being mature means BEING BORING AS EVER LIVING FUCK Kids these days ARE NOT FUCKING KIDS ANYMORE they are fucking the young adolescence trying to be as much of a fucking adult as they can at a young age and then when they turn thirty they wish they lived there youth as a kid and not trying to be such a fucking adult. The innocence is lost in this day and age. Kids are to quick to age and if anybody is able to call somebody else mature and judge them. Please do me a favor look in the mirror for ten minutes and ask yourself this question every minute. Am I mature? And don't call people immature just because of some actions gauge exactly what maturity is and if somebody is immature to begin with and it bothers you WALK AWAY don't deal with them. All we are inevitably is just dust in the wind. So just live your fucking lives while you can because they will be over soon.
