My name is Gerrett (pronounced Jaret...SOFT 'G'). When i was born they asked my mom how to spell my name while she was still doped up. Been suffering for it ever since. Hard work is what gets results in this world. If you can't sweat, you can't live.

I am a nerd. Not just a "oh he probably plays Madden and likes Harry Potter Nerd." No, fuck that. I am a hardcore, social outcast, weird fat kid growing up, CRAZY MOTHERFUCKER NERD.

I beat Adventures of Lolo 3 on the NES, i STILL have a working copies of Scorched Earth, Ancient Empires, and Math Blaster. I can gather all the heart containers and items and defeat Ganon in Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past with 0 deaths in under 12 hours. I beat Contra 3 The Alien Wars (spreadshot is for pussies, real men use the flamethrower and homing missiles) and i WILL RIP YOU A NEW ONE with Lord Deimos in Mace: The Dark Age. I played DND, spent a small fortune on Magic: The Gathering (tooth and nail + Pyschatog FTW) and WILL recite the Firefly song upon request. Also, my lineup for Pokemon Blue is always: Charizard, Gyrados, Haunter (Or Gengar), Eggsecutor, Snorlax, and Tauros or Raticate...it depends if i want to sharpen my teeth on your bones or give you the horns. I also know how to use the Lego Piecebreaker.

I am rude, vulgar, and love offensive humour. If i can't make you laugh, i'm bound to piss you off. I am also a gentleman who will treat you with courtesy and respect regardless of age, race, religion, gender, or whatever the politically correct way is to say 'disabled'. To you it may seem like manners, but to me, it's my fucking job. It's work, and believe me there are times when it's hard fucking work.

I don't fuck around when it comes to life. I do what i like, and my morals can fit in a thimble along with my dignity and mental stability. I'm not insane, i need to have been stable first.

I actively pursue insanity as a goal or destination. My reasoning is as follows; anyone who can say "I am insane" is not insane. So, by admitting to it i can actively pursue it's many tantalizing fruits without fear of breaking my mind, because really, it's already fucked and at this point i am in NO HURRY to start cleaning up. I look to insanity for knowledge, insight, and wisdom, my reasoning being that if i look where no one has, i will find things no one will. My mind is a great place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there, believe me.

Regarding spiritual beliefs: Beliefs are good for the heart and soul, and help them grow bigger and stronger. Idiots try to incorporate beliefs into logic and mentality. It's OK to seek fulfillment and spiritual satisfaction, but it's not OK to make that the single, dominating force of your life. I am Asatru, and wear the symbol of the Trinity Throne of the Allfather at all times. The reason for this is that of all the gods in all the pantheons, Odin is a god i like.

I don't do things out of a desire to feel good or get something in return. I do them because they make sense. Friends are more valuable than enemies, and it's not what you know or who you know, but who knows you. It makes sense to give compliments, or engage in smalltalk, or to be courteous and patient. These will yield greater dividends then being a douche (although some situations do warrant being a douche. Sometimes, i have to be, but if it makes you feel better i'm only a douche to people who i think deserve it.)

I have a code, and i stick to it. What i care about is my business, and not yours. Chances are you will NEVER get inside my head simply because i quarantined that damnable place a decade ago. NO ONE gets in or out. If you for some reason must know, then look at what i do, how i act, and what i say. I may not be perfect, but at least i have some fucking consistency when what i do reflects what i believe in.

I don't have time for relationships or emotional blah blah mumbo jumbo. Everything you need to feel better is in my crotch. If you want to fuck me, tell me you want to fuck, and if i want to fuck you, we'll fuck. I don't kiss and tell (hell, i don't even put much effort into remembering names) and i'm always game for a cheap thrill.

I believe nothing is too small or insignificant to merit revenge. Keep this in mind, because when i finally do snap, all you have to concern yourself with is which side of my list you wind up on. I like to be the center of attention and there's a goddamned reason the spotlight's on me; i'm entertaining.

Likes:
-Most women
-All Russians (seriously, you people kick ass and you're my personal winning horse for WW3)
-Going outside and doing stuff outside
-Flirting
-House (tv show)
-Drugs/sex/booze
-small talk/stimulating conversations
-potent quotes (i am a TOTAL junkie for good quotes, phrases or sayings)
-thinking. i believe it's highly underrated and people should try giving it an honest attempt

Dislikes

Oh, where do i begin? First off, I hate people without an opinion. If I ask you something and you say 'i don't know' this tells me 2 things.
1: You are a liar, i HATE liars
2: You are an idiot, i HATE idiots

I hate people who refuse to accept responsibility, people who like to blame everything else. I don't like getting caught when i'm naughty, that always sucks . I don't like people who are afraid to ask me a question. I pride myself in being ready for pretty much any curve-ball, and i love having that challenged.

PANTS!

If you walk slowly in the mall, obstructing other people, mainly me...JESUS FUCK!

Working at the club has forced me to add a few things to my list. I hate every single motherfucking idiot out there who upon mention of the word 'bouncer' puffs up there chest, tries to look tough and says "think i could be a bouncer?". Look...being a bouncer is about brains and how well you can get along with people. It's customer service on a level you can't imagine, and it is pure diplomacy. There is no brains vs brawn, you need both.

Ladies, i want to go over this now, and i want you to take this to heart. Getting stupid drunk is never classy. In fact, it degrades you so much. There is nothing sexy about someone half-stumbling over to you with those glazed-over eyes and the alluring smell of cheap booze on your breath. You then begin to (with all the grace of a beached whale) act what you must think is 'sexy' but it comes off as 'sluttier than amateur Russian porn'. Your slurred and confusing words make me desire all the more that hot 20 minutes of unsatisfying sex followed by you puking on the bed and passing out. Please get a little fucking dignity, i don't care where you get it.