Well i can't believe summer is already over and it feels like i just got here. I had a really great summer here in alberta getting to do everything i wanted to as it being my last time in alberta until sometime unknown. It's all really bittersweet because i am sad to leave everyone that i have gotten attached to once again, but am excited to get back to everyone else. This summer went way too fast and i can't wait to be back in alberta again soon.

why is it that i feel like no matter what decision i go with for my future i thing it's going to be the wrong one. I'm so scared and confused as to what to do. I never thought the ending of high school would be so hard to overcome. There is a month left and i'm sad but also excited. This past year i have done so much. I'm just starting to get comfortable with the way things are and soon will have to readjust.

right now i am so lost and confused in what to do with the rest of my life. I have options but don't no which are the best. If i would have known that coming here was going to make it even harder to leave in the end with leaving some really great people, then i wouldn't have. The problem is i didn't even think when i decided to come here. I didn't think about how it was my senior year and i would be graduating with people i barely no insted of people i've been around my whole life. I didn't think that i was going to meet someone who now means so much that its going to crush me when i have to leave. Of course i miss home and everyone, casue like my whole life is out there. I'm just not ready to say my time here is up yet.

Also is there even any point in continuing on with a relationship that is inevitable to end due to the fact that i don't belong here? I don't no, but i'm not ready to find out yet either!

I like my life right now and i'm afraid of when thats going to change. Soon enough everything that i'm used to will change and i will have to try and get used to everything else new in my life. I never thought about that before moving here. I am being forced to grow up when i don't want to but you can't stay young forever. I know it's bad to say but i'm dreading my future. I don't know where i'm going to end up. And the field of work that i'm heading for will make it difficult to have a steady life. I know i wont be having any strong and steady relationships, and the thought of that scares me. Right now i'm just living in the moment and enjoying what i've got.

The world is such a harsh place. It just gets worse no matter where you go or how far you run.

What if i didn't come here. Would i be the same person. Would i know all that i do. Would i feel like i am right now.

i feel sick
sick to my stomach
sick of my life
sick of you

Don't know how you do it
I love the way I lose it, every time
What's even better
Is knowing that forever you're all mine
The closer you get, the more my body aches
One little stare from you is all it takes

I melt every time you look at me that way
It never fails, anytime, any place
This burn in me is the coolest thing I've ever felt
I melt

[/center]

I should be sleepin stead of keepin these late hours i've been keepin
i've been pasin and retracin every step of every move
even though i'm feelin so right i'm so happy still i know i
should be sleepin stead of dreamin about you[/size]