it's cool that i got kicked out tamara's birthday,
because of you.
honestly, this is just stupid now,
it's been almost a year,
please get over yourself,
i would enjoy being able to actually see my friends,
without having to leave because its "making you uncomfortable."
today was spectacular.
everyone i saw made my day bettteerrrr
(and i got the bestest hugs in my entire life.)
ahahhsdkfa jakg i should know better
than to think that i could have a good night with you around.
why can't you just make up your fucking mind?
or just fucking talk to me?
this whole situation is driving me fucking crazy
and your immaturity about it makes it that much harder.
i'm never really going to be happy with you around, am i?
once again, i'm alone on valentines.
and since i have the house to myself tonight,
i'll just watch porn all night on the big screen,
drink wine out of the fancy crystal and chain smoke.
happy valentines everyone
1 - my life is so confusing right now.
everything's falling apart and bursting into flames
before it even reaches the ground.
i've never felt so free...
2 - i got the cutest compliments today,
from the cutest people.
that made me feel a lot better.
and so did a new pack of smokes.
today has been horrendous.
i really wish i would listen to my instincts more.
the immense physical pain i'm in is nothing
compared to the mental stress, regret
and rage i'm dealing with at the moment.
it's one thing to have this happen,
but it's another when i'm completely innocent of all charges.
this is absolute bullshit, it took all my will to not flip shit at the authority.
and there's absolutely nothing i can do about any of this,
i'm just so trapped.
1- i wake up to find bruises all over my body, i'm so sore and completely exhausted...
last night fucking kicked ass. i got to see sooo many people
and i haven't got that drunk in a long time.
the limo ride / lazer tagging was fucking awsome
and after party at scotts couldn't have gone better.
(except for racine....huh.)
2- now this is just getting weird.
at first, it was like a slap to the face,
but i took it in good stride and concluded it wasn't serious.
but after today i don't know what to think of this.
i don't like this.
i don't like this one bit.
i'm just so sick and tired of being used,
but worst of all i'm sick of falling for it every fucking time.
i'm done with all of you, i've fucking had it.
and,
1-fuck you, i never thought you'd do that, you're better than that.
2-thanks for sticking to your word, i'd appreciate something more than small talk.
you have no idea how much i miss you, i haven't seen you in months,
and i just really want to talk to you. in person. i need to.
3-you're the only person i want to hang out with right now. i know it's weird,
because of the shit that went down, but you really make me feel happy,
and i love watching movies/playing video games with you.
i'm so sorry for everything i've done.
4-i have to stop this. please quit fucking around with me.
my heart can't take this.
last night was way too akward.
it put me in such a bad mood and i'm still not feeling better.
first off, fuck you, you chauvanistic pig, how dare you say those things to me.
i'm used to that kind of shit from connor and jamie, but nothing that bad.
where do you get off thinking that its okay to say that shit to girls?
secondly, i would normally feel bad for rejecting you, but you're fucking 21.
im 16. honestly? thats just fucking creepy, and i've known you for way too long.
sorry i had to pull the "i'm a lesbian" card.
thirdly, you two are tearing my heart in two. literally.
i hate that you two are basically bestfriends, and that i'm equally involved with you both.
the things you did and said last night made me feel pretty shitty,
but especially you, oh god, i can't believe i fell for that shit. again.
you have no idea what it's done to me.
