Some things just don't seem to have the ability to go away forever. Just keep on coming back to haunt you.

Ten things to do on a roller coaster
1.Shove the stuffed animal you won earlier up your shirt and ask the attendant if pregnant people are allowed on the ride.
2.Stick a piece of tape to your ear and ask the attendant if you're allowed to listen to your tape on the ride.
3.Start screaming as soon as you get in the roller coaster car.
4.Start praying and crying hysterically as your going up the first hill.
5.Ask the person next to you what the name of the roller coaster is and after she answers start screaming, "What?!? OH NO!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!"
6.Ask the person next to you if they've finished the repairs for the roller coaster yet.
7.Act like the girl from Final Destination 3 and pretend to have a vision that the roller coaster's going to crash.
8.Ask the person next to you to sing you a nursery rhyme to calm you down.
9.As soon as the ride starts say, "Wait, this isn't the carousel!"
10.Flirt with the person next to you during the whole ride.

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???


In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap,"
(and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, ooh...fly Delta?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my ..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity.

Relieving Stress in Class

1. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board.
2. Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook.
3. Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY". (At Least for the Male profs.)
4. Address the professor as "your excellency".
5. When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!"
6. Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard erasers.
7. Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if he's been drinking.
8. Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Smith. Claim that the i is silent.
9. Sit in the front row reading the professor's graduate thesis and snickering.
10. Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, "Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?" Become agitated when the professor can't understand you.
11. Wink at the professor every few minutes. (Hey you might even get a date if he/she is cute.)
12. Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write "Signup Sheet #5" at the top, and start passing it around the room.
13. Start a "wave" in a large lecture hall.

Fuck Little mermaid. if it werent for you, i wouldnt have 2 teachers around my ears `sha la la, Ing` and their would be no picture..

GOOD FRIEND VS. BEST FRIEND

Good Friend-Hands you your shoe if it falls off.
Best Friend-Grabs your shoe and runs around the room with it,screaming "Ha, ha, loser!"

Good Friend-Helps you up if you fall down.
Best Friend-Will stand beside you laughing, because they pushed you you over in the first place.

Good Friend-Will rush over right away to comfort you if you're house burns down.
Best Friend-Will be roasting marshmallows over the coals and flirting with the firemen.

Good Friend-Will pay your bail if you're arrested for DUI.
Best Friend-Is sitting in the cell beside you, saying "Great party, huh?"

Good Friend-Will call your parents by their first names.
Best Friend-Will call your parents 'Mom' and 'Dad'.

Good Friend-Knocks on your door and wits for you to answer.
Best Friend-Walks right in and says "Mom, I'm home!"

Good Friend-Acts like a guest at your house.
Best Friend-Raids your refridgerator and makes themselves at home.

Good Friend-Will watch what's already on the TV.
Best Friend-Will wrestle your little brother for the remote.

Good Friend-Waits for you after school if you get detention.
Best Friend-Will get themselves in trouble just to land themselves in detention to keep you company.

Good Friend-Will help you with your chores.
Best Friend-Will stand behind you and say "You missed a spot."

Good Friend-Will lend you money and not expect you to pay them back.
Best Friend-Will lend you money and then charge interest.

Good Friend-Will comfort you if your boyfriend breaks up with you.
Best Friend-Will say "Be right back", go out with a baseball bat, come back at 3:00 in the morning and say "It's all been taken care of."

Good Friend-Will have little "inside jokes" with you.
Best Friend- Will randomly break out laughing because of some "inside joke" you guys had last week.

Good Friend-Will come and get you if you call to say you're lost.
Best Friend-Will call you an idiot for not asking directions.

Good Friend-Will try to talk you out of bungee-jumoing off the Empire State Building.
Best Friend-Will tie the bungee cord themselves and then push you off.

Good Friend-Disagrees if you say words can't hurt you.
Best Friend- Hits you over the head with the dictionary to prove you wrong.

Good Friend-Would give you the last life jacket on a sinking ship.
Best Friend-Would say "I hope you can swim, and if not, I'll really f***ing miss you."

Good Friend-Will ask if you're okay, and when you say "I'm fine" they'll drop it.
Best Friend-Will ask if you're okay, and when you say "i'm fine", they'll look you in the eye and say "Okay, now tell the truth."

29 Fun things to do When Sales People Call

Tell them they must have the wrong number, only god lives here

When they call back, Tell them this is the devil’s residence

Tell them she/he can’t come to the phone right now as they are in deep meditation and may stay that way for days.

Start telling them about the wonderful encyclopedias you have in stock.

Start telling them your life story

Tell them about your intense hatred for salespeople, then ask where they live

Reply to all their questions in song

Ask for someone who can translate pig Latin, as you speak no other language

Hand the phone to the youngest member of the house (under 5)

As soon as they name the corporation they represent begin barking relentlessly

Start trying to give them a psychological analysis

Demand that they refer to you as Dr. Chopsticks

Proudly describe what you found in your ear this morning

Ask them what color underwear they are wearing today

Describe your socks in detail

Interrupt them repeatedly to describe the beauty of your new toaster

Whiningly tell thing that it is past your bedtime

Midway through the conversation say, "oh no Phil! You’ve done it again! I told you that knife was too sharp! Where are we going to get the money for another funeral?"

Ask them repeatedly if they believe in antelopes

Refuse to answer any of their questions, as they may be one of THEM!

Ask them what they think would happen if you put a frog in a blender later tell them they were wrong

Ask them for their phone number so that you can call them back and chat some more

Burst into tears when they try to hang up and scream "Don’t leave Me!"

Tell them about the time when you got stuck in the doggy door

When they ask to speak to you spend a long time trying to decide if that really is your name and after you realize it is ask them to remind you of it occasionally

Proudly explain that they are the first person that you have spoken to since you return to Earth

In the middle of the conversation start humming the sesame street theme song, when they try to speak sound surprised and say, "Is someone there?"

Begin snoring

Gleefully explain that "they" have come for you and that you are going to a better place

Me doing epic ninja jump over squishy mat with balls. "backs up slowly a good 2 mats away, then RUNS UBBER FAST and jumps!!! makes it across hits the purple excersize ball does a flip lands on shoulder" thats how ninja i am. i think i dislocated it =O

Things to do in a public bathroom
1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise

4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot! My glass eye!"

6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"

11. Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?

13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!

14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"

15. Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

16. Play a well known drum cadence over and oven again on your butt cheeks

17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free."

Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.


15 THINGS TO MAKE YOUR PARENTS THINK YOU'RE INSANE!!
1. Follow them around the house everywhere.
2. Moo when they say your name.
3. Run into walls.
4. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion.
5. Stand over them at four in the morning with a huge grin on your face and say, good morning sunshine
6. Pluck someone's hair out and yell, "DNA"
7. Wear a sticker that says, "I’m a retard"
8. Have 20 imaginary friends that you talk to all the time.
9. In public yell, "No Mom/Dad, I will not make out with you!!"
10. Do what they actually tell you.
11. Jump off the roof, trying to fly.
12. Hold their hand and whisper to them, I see dead people.
13. At everything they say yell, Liar.
14. Try to swim in the floor.
15. Tap on their door all night.

19 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors"
7. Finish All Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8. Don't Use Any Punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name "Rock Hard".
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot,Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

How To Get Out Of A Traffic Ticket!

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.
The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!

thought you were different. grubble grubble grubble..
a lie hurts more then the truth no mater how much you dont want to hear it. -smooshy
im allergic to guys. every time i tell someone who i like nothing good comes out of it

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no. Why Is It Always Me.

*hahaha funnist day everr
*poor santa in the fields
*DRUNK SANTA
*santa + sadame husane = BAD BAD IDEA
*speaker phone not working
*bus that never comes
*45 minuets until stooped bus does come
*miss the bus
*chocolate superman cupcakes
*big numbers
*A&W
*Petland snakes = scary, scary, scary
* reenactment of 9-11
* 9/11=inside job
*prooved ^ the above
*airplane made out of tinfoily stuff
*plane dystroyed twin towers
* crab apple fight
*crab apples hurt
*SUPPER TREE
*supper easy to climb
*supper tree = supper hangout spot

thats the summerary of my exciting day

just when you think everything going bad is finally going smoothly again.. they drop it on you, realy really hard =[

technicaly i have misseed day four cuz its 12:19 but oh well. today, i experimented with veggies. baked cauliflower = good!!! mouldy pumkin = BAD! i cheated today i had 2 handfuls of wonda balls... and 1 box of tic taks. i just found out something realyy sad. my other fish died. my brother thought it was mine and he cried for like 2 hours when it was MY fish, i look in the tank both my fish are still their. i dont have the heart to tell him it was his fish.