L - A - S - T
01. Last Cigarette: A looong time.
02. Last kiss: Nathan.
03. Last Cry: I actually don't remember.
04. Last Library Book Checked Out: Something french for school.
05. Last Movie Seen In Theater: Transformers.
06. Last Book Read:Vegan virgin valentine.
07. Last Cuss Word Uttered: fucking.
08. Last Beverage Drank: Water, probably.
09. Last Food Consumed?: Pasta at like, two.
11. Last TV Show Watched: I don't even remember.
12. Last Time Showered: Yesterday.
13. Last Shoes Worn: Heels, all day.
15. Last Soda Drank: I don't even know.
16. Last Thing Written: know.
17. Last Words Spoken: shit.
18. Last Annoyance: My mother.
B - O - D - Y:
01. Piercings: ears, nose.
02. Tattoos: None. Bummer.
03. Height: 5'1
04. Shoe size: 6.5
05. Hair color: Currently, light brown.
06. Eye color: Blue.
L A S T . . .
01. Movie you rented: The last kiss.
03. Song you listened to: That's the truth - Paul Brandt.
04. Song that was stuck in your head: ^^
05. Person that's called you: Read, while seriously inebriated.
06. Person you were thinking of: Jesse.
T R U E O R F A L S E . . .
01. You have a crush on someone: True.
02. You wish you could live somewhere else: Usually true.
03. Think about suicide: False.
04. You believe in a God: A higher power.
05. You want more Piercings: True.
06. You drink/have been drunk: Too true.
07. You do/did drugs: true.
08. You smoke/have smoked: true.
09. You like cleaning: very false.
10. You like roller coasters: true.
11. You write in cursive: true.
F O R *O R * A G A I N S T...
01. Long distance relationship: If you can make it work, for. I can't though.
02. Teenage smoking: Your own choice.
03. Doing drugs: Personal choice.
04. Driving drunk: Seriously against.
06. Someone uses someone for their goodies: FOR.
H A V E*Y O U
01. Ever cried over the opposite sex: yeah.
02. Ever lied to someone: yeah.
03. Ever been in a fist fight: no!
04. Ever been arrested: no.
N U M B E R...
01. Of times you have been REALLY in love? Once.
02. Of times you have had your heart broken? Four times.
03. Of hearts you have broken? None, I hope.
04. Of different drugs taken? One.
05. Of people you consider your enemies? 1.
06. Of scars on your body?: So many.
07. Of things in your past that you regret: A fair few, but I try to avoid it for the most part.
08. Number of things your addicted to? 1.
Random Questions.
Y O U R*N E X:
1) Is your username from a song?: nope.
2) Do you have over 100 friends?: I don't think so.
3) Do you have pictures of yourself?: yes.
4) Do you get 1-3 comments every day?: Sometimes.
WOULD YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS:
2) Sleep in the same bed?: i do, all the time.
3) Rob a bank?: probably not. i'm not ballsy enough.
4) Team up together and kill someone?: again, not ballsy.
IN YOUR ROOM:
1) Do you have a wood floor or carpet?: carpet.
2) Are your walls painted bright colors?: not yet.
3) Do you have artwork hanging up on the walls?: yeaaah.
4) Do you have clothes on the floor?: a LOT.
6) Do you have a hidden stash of candy somewhere? WHERE IS NUMBER FIVE?!
7) Do you have your own TV?: Yeah.
8) Do you have over 100 CDs?: Not even close.
9) Do you have a bunch of pictures of bands and celebrities? Not really.
WOULD YOU EVER:
1) Sing a solo?: No.
2) Take an hour-long shower?: Yes.
3) Smoke pot just to be cool?: no.
4) Spend all night on homework?: Have.
DO YOU LIKE:
1) More than one person?: Nope.
2) Daisies?: Yeah!
3) To paint your fingernails? Not so much.
4) Music?: Is this a serious question?
5) Black raspberry ice cream?: Yum.
6) The beach?: Yeah!
7) Cats?: Kinda.
N O W:
Is your hair up?: Yeah.
Is your phone right beside you?: Right in front.
Do you wish you were somewhere else?: Yes, but I'm so tired.
Are you cold?: Finally warming up.
Are you excited?: Yeah!
Are you watching T.V.?: Not really.
Recently done anything you regret?: Nope.
Ever lied?: yeah.
Ever trip over your own feet?: Today.
Ever thrown up because you cried so hard?: no.
T H I S*W E E K:
Have any plans?: WORK.
Have you yelled at someone?: Yeah.
Have you cried?: No.
Have you called more than 3 people?: No.
RANDOM
1. First thing you did this morning?: Washed my face.
2. Do you consider yourself good looking?: Not really.
3. Do you have a crush? Yeah.
4. What's something you look foward to in the next six weeks: Tegan & Sara and George Canyon!
two people too damaged too much too late.
There's probably a million and three valid theories that say I shouldn't tell you this, but no matter what happens, I'm still here. I'll stick around through the bad times and the fights. I'll make up excuses for why you never called, and why you didn't care. I'll keep coming back even when you push me away. Maybe I'm only sticking around so that one day when I finally get my act together and leave for good, you'll have every reason to say,
"That girl really did love me."
I'm walking down broadway and each footstep is a new love
letter. I'm trying to make eye contact with each and every stranger that I pass.
I'm thinking about the city, it's living proof that people need to be together.
I'm thinking about how I just want to open up and give, and give, and give. It's
okay for you to care because I can feel you in the air. While you wonder, "How's
this going to end?" I only want it to begin. I'm thinking about desire, I've had to
learn how to sin successfully. I'm thinking about bliss, and bliss is all dressed
up, and there's no one to dance with. Remembering the smile, and the
nuclear bomb, and the reasons I loved her. Walking through Central Park, I'm
in a foreign country, and I'm waiting for a sign that it's okay for you to
care, 'cause I'm not going anywhere. And while you wonder if you should let
me in, I only want it to begin. I'm still singing, twisting new melodies, breaking
arrangements. Thinking about my heart, I guess you've heard, sometimes
it's heavy. But I just keep moving and when I hit a wall I look up at the sky,
thinking about my maker, and despite all this, I know she won't give up on me.
And it's okay for you to care, 'cause I can taste you everywhere. While it's true,
all straight things must bend, I only want it to begin. I only want it to begin. I
only want it to begin.
I only want it to begin.
Wanted: Single F, under 33. Must enjoy the sun, must enjoy the sea. Sought by single M: Mrs. Destiny. Send photo to address - Is it you and me?
Reply to single M: My name is Caroline. Cell phone number here - Call if you have the time. 28 and bored, grieving over loss. Sorry to be heavy, but heavy is the cost. Heavy is the cost.
Reply to Caroline: Thanks so much for response. These things can be scary, not always what you want. How about a drink - the St.Jude club at noon. I'll phone you first I guess, I hope I see you soon.
(I never got your name, I assume you're 33. Your voice, it sounded kind. I hope that you like me. When you see my face, I hope that you don't laugh. I'm not a film star beauty, or center photograph. I hope that you don't laugh.)
Note to single M: Why did you not show up? I waited for an hour, I finally gave up. I thought once that I saw you, I thought that you saw me. I guess we'll never meet now, it wasn't meant to be. It wasn't meant to be. I was sure you saw me, but it wasn't meant to be.
Wanted: Single F, under 33. Must enjoy the sun, must enjoy the sea. Sought by single M, nothing too heavy. Send photo to address, is it you or me. Is it you, or me. Is it you, or me.
i was always late. you, never afraid that we could be falling.
all our friends would say that maybe we should wait,
but they can't see what's coming.
and to this day, when everything breaks you are the anchor that holds me.
that is why we'll always make it.
how i know your face, all the ways you move.
when you come in, i can read you, you're my favourite book.
all the things you say, the way you shift your eyes
i never knew there was someone to make me come alive.
i don't know what i knew before, but now i know i want to win the war.
no one likes to take a test, sometimes you know more is less,
put your weight against the door, kickdrum on the basement floor.
stranded in a fog of words, loved him like a winter bird,
on my head the water pours, gulf stream through the open door.
fly away, fly away to what you want to make.
"give me something to believe in, because i don't believe in you anymore."
"They say people are getting better; people are okay. But you see, everything can be narrowed down to the truth behind it, you've just gotta know where to look, you've gotta know where to find it. They say they built a pawn shop right on the spot where the devil fell, because even when you are broke, you've still got something you can sell. Hell, the guy up on the podium says he sells truth, but you can smell the politics on his breath. He's being doing too many shots of taxes and death. There's a guy on my street corner who says he sells freedom, he'll even give me the needles if I'm broke, if I need 'em, but I don't gotta try it because freedom ain't freedom if you've gotta buy it. But i have no grand plan for the great escape, and even though I've got a pretty decent cape in my closet, when I rip open my shirt there's no S on my chest, I'm no Superman or adoptable bulletproof saviour. I'm just like everyone else, I had to be slapped on the ass at birth. For what it's worth, I'm more like Clark Kent. A journalist of the humanities that tells it like it is and right now I'm telling you that we live in a world where Darth Vader reminds us, "This is CNN". But even Darth Vader stuttered when we heard about those kids who turned their school into a shooting range and the whole world sat by like a baby in a shitty diaper, crying out for a change. What about the grade 10 drop outs with grade 2 reading levels that play russian roulette with guns they found on their playground, whispering "Don't worry." Even if it does happen, it'll take less than a minute because I guess the word funeral still has the word fun in it. And in order to reassure ourselves we listen to people because people say people are getting better; people are okay. But if you look outside your window, children aren't playing marbles or jacks, they're vengefully stepping on cracks to break their mother's backs when they can't have their way. Sure, people are getting better; people are okay. We send our children running towards the future as if the future is gonna be the place to be, and all we can see is the hope bleed out of their eyes as they look up to watch the airlines plummet from the skies, and they run past a young girl in a small cubbyhole because she doesn't run anymore, see, she's already dropped out of the race. And in case you couldn't tell just by looking at the lesions on her face, she hangs a cardboard sign around her neck that reads "I have aids. Please, leave me alone." And when the kids pummel old quarters into the phone and cry into the flat line of the dial tone and mom and dad say "No, you can't come home." They say people are getting better; people are okay. But I can only say that none of this is okay. The world is not okay. And I'm no better than anyone else. I'm looking for answers, stumbling around in the dark, curling up like a question mark because I don't know what to do, but I know you have to care about the world because it doesn't care about you. "
"Speaking would break the code, would violate the remedy for recovery. We stared at each other; we stared away. Many remedies are suggested for brutality; some recommend jasmine tea with honey, others suggest lobotomy. But I remembered that most recommend one thing as an antidote for violence: silence. The remedy, the magic, the potion, the key: silence. I knew the prescription: take one act of violence ( a rape, a knife at the throat, a fist in the small of the back, etc.), add widened eyes, possibly one short stifled scream (possibly not) , the shaking of hands, and not one word. Mix up all the facts (until unsure of what was real and what was imagined, whether indeed there was an act of violence at all). Store in a cool dry place (possibly the back of the mind, somewhere near the base of the neck will do). And forget. The "not one word" is the trick; although references are, of course, allowable. Preferably unspoken references; a twitch will do. An occasional shudder is just fine. But silence, I knew, was the key to recovery. Better still, removal of any violence-related word from the mind. When the eyes tear, think it is pollution; smog has attacked the iris. When the hands shake there is always the possibility of earthquake. Never admit to anything; never let the words take over and make the violence live. No one will pose a question to a victim of violence when there can be no answer but a widened eye; when the magic balm of silence is at work. Starry knew the formula. I watched her not watching me. She did not look because most of the permanent scars of violence are invisible and are only reactivated by words. Keep silence, keep silent. Shut up and do not think. All the theorists agree: shut up and keep the words from being said. And all of the scars will remain invisible; and all of the scars will be dreams; and all of the scars will remain under the skin. Where they belong."
Digging a hole and the walls are caving in -
Behind me.
Air is getting thin but I'm trying, I'm breathing it -
Come find me.
It hasn't felt like this before.
It hasn't felt like home, before you.
And I know it's easy to say, but it's harder to feel this way.
I miss you more than I should, than I thought I could.
Can't get my mind off of you.
I know you're scared, but you'll soon be over it -
That's part of it.
Part of the beauty of falling in love with you
Is the fear you won't fall.
It hasn't felt like this before.
It hasn't felt like home, before you.
And I know it's easy to say, but it's harder to feel this way.
I miss you more than I should, than I thought I could.
Can't get my mind off of you.
I hate the phone but I wish you'd call,
I thought being alone was better than, was better than -
And I know it's easy to say, but it's harder to feel this way.
I miss you more than I should, than I thought I could.
Can't get my mind off of you.
And I know it's easy to say, but it's harder to feel this way.
I miss you more than I should, than I thought I could.
Can't get my mind off of you.
"here's to all the girls who used to be his number one. the ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller id the next morning and be disappointed. the ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, and moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. the ones who listened to him say, "i only want to be your friend", one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves you and misses you. we deserve something, and this is our tribute. here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change. we listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught crap from our parents, and even snuck around to see him for while. we went through the great stage with no fights all over again. we started this out thinking it would be just friends and ended up falling in love with him again. we wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. and when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. this is for us. here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. we wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. we trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. we learned to settle for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated. here's for the ones who did their hair and make up and put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today. the ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. we just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again. this is for those great girls who loved him more than words can say, & took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to look back on their lives one day and wonder "what if". this is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him and cried during the entire conversation. the ones who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us. when he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn't mean it. this is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with. this is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her and get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that "things were going too fast, he needs time." here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. the ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. this is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "i told you so." the ones that could just tell that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts & their dreams again. we knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. we just wanted the one that we loved like that. here's for the ones that finally realized that he never gave a crap about them. here's for the time that he broke your heart again. this is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, & the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. here's for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better. this is for those confusing days, when you miss him and want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. stay strong and remember that relationships are like broken glass; sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt. remember the times you cried and how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. when 'your song' comes on the radio, turn the station. when the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made & tries calling, turn your phone off. when he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation & the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the crap he was. think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night and how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to. one day you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. you may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. it's going to hurt like hell, and it's going to need time to heal. but the point is, it will heal. this is for those girls who fell back in love with same guy, only to get hurt all over again."
you go out, you don't go home.
