Hey, I'm Chad Peterson, I live in Chestermere which is just outside of Cowtown. I have brown hair, and greenish blueish eyes. You can tell the rest from the pictures you nutcase.

The Story Of The Beautiful Princess, The Coolest Prince, And Some Fat Ass Friar
(Also called "The Non-Fictional Story of Chad Peterson's life.")

There once was a Prince named Chad, oOoOo theres a kitty! Look at the kitty! Awwww, cute kitty. (Mmmm, lunch - Kyle) So anyways, about that dude named Chad, yea he was a great guy and he had 10000 million virgins, oh wait thats Osama in "heaven", Chad only had like 12 and one was named Lynsey. She was the most beautiful in all of Chad's kingdom which was name Chadville (and was renamed Chestermere later because all the woman had REALLY big titties). He had a Stallion named Italian, oh wait thats Rocky, wrong story again folks. So back to Chad again, he had all them biyotchs and that kingdom and 4000 horsepower chariot. Daaaaaaamn, that car was so cool even Funk Master Flex was jealous. He then held a reality TV show in the forest behind his Kingdom and called Survivor Deathmatch. Everyone died so he never lost any money, and if anyone survived we made sure they had an "accident" soon after. One day he was having the most awesomest secks with Lynsey when a dragon burst in. It stole Lynsey and then a glorious knight jumpe din to save the day. His name was Sir Chancealot (Lynseys dog, Awwwww good chance). He obviously wasn't very lucky because as soon as he jumped in, he had a heart attack and died soon after. As soon as that Chad called on his trusty sidekick, Friar Kyle to help him slay the beast that had stolen the lovely Lynsey from his grasp. They began thier journey right outside the castle walls and, ohhhhh look its another kitty! And this time it's walking next to a dog! Hey look at that, the dog is eating the cat now, oh theres the dragon right next to the dog, hey the dragon is eating the dog now! Awwwww, cute dragon *runs up and pets it*. Chad says "You f***ing idiot! Your letting the dragon get away!* as the dragon swallows up the narrarator who was also playing the role of Friar Kyle (Don’t worry, Friar Kyle will still be joining you on your journey). The dragons lair was in view, and it turned out to be the local Holiday Inn. How do those Holiday Inns have awesome service! Next time I leave Chadville I’m going to stay at one for sure! Even though the lair was in sight it was still 4 months away, and I’m extremely lazy so were going to fast forward as soon as this Hunter shoots the passing kitten. Awww cute hunter *runs up and pets the hunter as the hunter shoots him in the chest* “This would be a good time to fast forward.” Says Friar Kyle.

Onward March!!!!!

As they reached the Holiday Inn, they were greated by a surly customer service person. After several hours of argument and Friar Kyle strangling the customer service biyotch, they finally found out that the Dragons name was TrOgDoR –the- BURNINATOR!!!! They were awfully surprised to find that the Dragon was a fictional character from a online cartoon, but whatever. As they begin onto the… Ohh look! It’a a giant green kitty with wings! And scales! And firebreath! Awwww cute kitty *runs up and pets the kitty*. “That’s the f***ing Dragon you tool!” Exclaimed PC (Prince Chad). “Yeah!” said FK (Friar Kyle) who just wanted to sound important as the newest narrarator was swallowed whole just like the others. Kobe Bryant left his hotel room, and the girl inside with whom he was cheating on his wife with to see what all the commotion was about. Michael Jackson also left “sharing his bed with the local children” to see what the commotion was about. FK could see Lynsey engulfed in the Dragons belly. “Look PC, she is right there!” exclaimed FK who was jumping up and down and pointing at the Dragon’s belly. “Ouch!” said FK as he hit his head on the roof from jumping up and down. “Crickey!” shouted the crocodile hunter, “What we’ve got right here is the Japanese Godzilla Dragon who can… “ said the Aussie a**hole in his damn gay accent right before he was eaten, for the better of all of humanity. FK turned around and shouted “Ahhhhh! Eeez Gozilla!!! Run for life!!!!” then he looked at PC who was eating a bowl of spaghetti. “What the hell are you doing idiot! Save the damn Princess!” shouted Kyle. Suddenly a thought bubble popped up above PC’s head and a picture of PC eating Lynsey appeared. “Hmmm,” thought Chad. “I could be eating Lynsey instead of this spaghetti”. FK soon said aloud “I know, PC!!! You could be eating Lynsey instead of that spaghetti right now!” as PC ***** slapped him. “Stimpy, you idddddiot.” God damn, wrong story again. “I was just thinking that in a picture thought balloon idiot, everyone here could already see that I knew.” Shouted PC. FK bent over and began to pick up and eat the spaghetti that PC was eating earlier. PC drew his sword and saw that it wasn’t his sword, but rather a giant Big Turk bar. “How the hell am I supposed to save a princess with this?!?!” shouted PC angerly. “Dude, you know everyone hates Big Turks, except for Dragons. And you know that they give Dragons diarrhea like nobodys business.” Informed FK. “Touche.” Said PC slyly as he fed the Dragon the Big Turk bar, and stole the Princess (who was not actually a princess yet, she was still just Lynsey.). As it turned out, the narrarator(s) was/were high on crack at the time, so it is extremely likely that none of these events actually occurred, and that the Dragon was in fact a kitten. Other than that, everyone lived happily ever after.

The End.

P.S. Chad and Lynsey had awesome marathon sex (while Kyle watched) and had 42 kids 9 months later.

The End.

P.S.S. Chad named all of the children Dumbass and married Lynsey 3 days after birth. 5 days after that, the kitten ate all but one child, who was later named Lucky. (Lucky died after he fell off a balcony at the age of 4. R.I.P. Lucky Peterson)

The End.

P.S.S.S. Chad and Lynsey became King Lynsey and Queen Chad when Friar Kyle ate the original King and Queen 4 days after the kitty ate the 42 children children.

The End.

P.S.S.S.S. Kyle and the Kitty were married soon after.

The End. (For real this time too.)

The Heist AWSOME LOCAL BAND check em out. http://www.purevolume.com/theheistcalgary
skiing
waterskiing
wakeboarding
My KC puppy to bad i will never get to see him again
golf
music well rock and the kian stuff
chicken really what guy doesnt like chicken
women
umm steak
robin williams live on broadway
chapelle show
drama
haha cows, really doesnt doesnt like them they give u milk and they look cool and well steak as well umm steak what perosn doesnt like steak.
ppl from the play
haha my stories on this thingy there clasic haha


ATREYU!!!! LIVE... LOVE... BURN... DIE...
AVENGED SEVENFOLD!!!!
PAUL BRANDT!!!
GEORGE CANYON!!!

AFI
Thrice
Cradle of Filth
Darkest hour
Alice Cooper
Dimmu Borgir
Childrem of bodom
Slipknot
Dream Theater
Iron Maiden
Nirvana
AC/DC
Dont Look Down
Alexisonfire
1208
Super Joint

G3
Story of the year
Every time i die
Smile Empty Soul
Guns And Roses
Hatebreed
Damageplan
Anti Flag
Distilers
HIM
Hot action cop
The Casulties
Joe Satriani
Killswitch engaged
meshuggah
OTEP
bad religon
Opeth
Pantera
Slayer
Out of your mouth
Ozzy
Saves the day
Rammstien
Rob Zombie
soil
senses fail
shadows fall
soulfly
unearth
im sure i forgot a ton of bands. and for **** sakes ppl simple plan and good charrlotte are not punk or anything liek it so quit saying u liek punk when really u dont
ok well this dog its just takeing a stroll and on its little stroll it sees a cat and at that time he freaks(the cat that is) and the dog at this point says woof just out of nowhere and that cat just loses it and goes barreling at that gosh darn dog, now the dog just didnt want that to happen so he runs away during that a chicken crosses the road to see the commotion (thats why the chicken crossed the road) and the cat is just going all out on chaceing this dog and finaly he catches him. so the chicken asks the cat why he did what he did and the cat says hes pisses of at this dog for letting the rest of the dogs out (the dog in the story let the dogs out) and the chicken hearing the news flys to the farm to tell the cow and at this point its night time and when the cow hears what the chicken had to say he juped over the moon and the spoon ran away with the dish

I
It was that time of year again, when all the little children where out of school for the summer. It was beautiful out side the nuclear waste ponds and was just the right temperature for swimming and it gave off the pungent aromas of skunk and moth balls. Of course by now we had all mutated in to forms that barely resembled human. We feel the change from the primitive humans was much better for we now had three arms, five legs, six eyes' randomly dispersed thought the body and we a nice green colored skin that looked and smelled of fungus. This was due to the cataclysmic amounts of toxic sludge sprayed all over the place during the war of 3210. Our quaint little village was reduced in population from 9000 to 300 residents because it was situated on top of a giant volcano and shot threw the surface of the earth by a freak earthquake 5 years ago. It was a warm sunny day on June 27, with the unmistakable aroma of moth balls in the air. Not the bitter moth balls, like in the 20th century, but new moth balls which smelled like flowers. The lottery was a tradition since the beginning of the village, which included a box from the early 20th century which was still intact because of our preservative sprays. As usual, the little boys went around collecting flagellums, because rocks where now a scarce commodity. Men gathered in the in the center of the pool of waste, because it was the new thing to do. They were having a merry-old-time until their wives showed up. The toxins spread and turned the women in to what the primitive 20th century people knew as bears. These where not ordinary bears, they were more like super bears. I think this happened because as I read somewhere, a women’s menstrual cycle attracted bears, so there where a lot of bears around the women when the toxins were dropped forcing them to morph into what we now know as women. Thankfully, only one woman that showed up because, if they all had we would have been annihilated by their insufferable talking. Unfortunately, it was Mr. Delacroix’s wife that showed up. She was a big lady before she was tuned into a bear, so it took us a few dozen tranquilizers to knock her out. We did what we had to, to protect ourselves and the children. We shot her with a tranquilizer dart and sent her back to the zoo. Now we keep the women in the zoo, because of their talking and they have a mean streak worse than jack the ripper.
A thousand years ago, Mr. Summers, who was the old man who ran the lottery died. Since then, we hired a dragon to do his job. We hired the dragon because he is as good looking, if not better than Mr. Summers. He is also a lot more mild tempered most of the time. This dragon had a very sanctimonious side of him , because he thought he was the prettiest dragon ever to live. He was also very iconoclastic often burning and pillaging churches for fun in his spare time. The dragon has some slight philological problems, and on top of theses is a raging alcoholic.
The lottery was still done in almost the same way, but now instead of paper we were forced to use the blue footed boobie (our national bird), because there was a plethora of them. They also make a tasty snack.
Everyone in the town drew their blue footed boobie and experienced immense anxiety as they went to find out if they won the lottery.

The winner of the lottery was the Hutchinson family. Since the flagellums don’t hurt when thrown. We changed the “reward” from stoning the youngest male member of the family to spending a night with the infamous Michael Jackson on his never land ranch. This tradition is still carried out today in our little mountain top village.
And i handed that in for an english essay hahahah

rap because they are ppl who think they can rhyme but really they cant. they jsut stand there and grab there balls when there is some noises in the backgorund and chicks with huge asses dancing around. yep that rap it takes no skill to do
rap is bad but really then there is a muntant fom of it called hip hop what the piss is that alll about. its a bunch of white guys thinking they are black so they try to do it whiich in turn is jsut really bad bad rap. hip hop i geuse kina kina liek simple plan and all the mainstream bull ****.
jamie becuase she is a whale and she thinks she is smart but really she isnt . and well the whale kina speeks for its self i dont think shes ever gona find lov. poor thing maby she can go on that swan show and then they migth make her remotyle atractive and then ppl wont run in horor form her.
vegitarians because they dont eat meat is chicken a meat? its more a mytstery substance that taste good with anything on it so maby the meaning of life tid to find out what chicken realyl is.
cats. they are uterly useless all they do is sit around eat puke in ur shoe and the piss in random places to it a surprise eveytyme you step in it. maby the should send them all to china otr something im sure they haev many recipes there thy can use cats in. and if china dont want them im sure my buddie will wouldent mind then. hell eat anything he doest care what it is.

The extension of y i dont like whales

Ashley d aka the WhAlE!!!!! Dunnduunnduun (she has her own theme music because of her shockingly ugly features) .feel her morbidly obicualr rolls smother all that come close. Well I geuse it would be fair to say if she fell from a plane she would cause a caticlimsic earthquake bambooziling the rictor scale. Some people even believe that her immense fat rolls caused the extinction of the dinosaurs…either that or she ate them either one is fathomable. Also…it has become apparent that the ice age was not a whole bunch of ice freezing over the earth….but it was in fact the whale beaching herself in what is now Canada and letting her fat spread and terrorize everything in its path. Many have tried to slay the beast…but all have been swallowed up in a sea of fat. Even Richard Simmons was flabbergasted at the sight of the sanctimonious whale. Thankfully…the small town of chestermerevilletownsville has been relieved of this immense piece of ****. Apparently….Manitoba is one giant sea world and there is Shamu the whale there and he thinks shes “hot” but really hes just gone crazy because hes old school. Some have rumoured that she was “free willy’s” but was fired when she ate the director….Fat has invaded her brain or the vague remnances of one and has caused her to circumvolute which is very annoying to someone who hasn’t been swallowed up by her fat. Now that I think of it…I wish I had an ambulance so I could take all the people that were harmed by her corpulence to the hospital. I once went on a quest for the callipygian ideal…..but unfortunately I reached that quest whne I looked in the mirror. I got the mirror at ikea it looks like a Swedish person…unfortunately I must return to the grim reality we call the whale dun dun dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnndun…….well she is also known to be ovoviviparous …which explains burns’ liking to her… burns looks like death...in fact I think he is death…if I hadn’t met death one time at this one theatre then I would certainly believe he is. He uses his dads mustache comb to dye his massive burns its true its really true. So the whale impregnated burns due to a broken prophalactic….which is the start of a horrible trend of interspecies mating. The crocodile hunter would get a kick out of this…I wish he were here….he would save the day…gowl bloimey…but anyway so burns and whale had gargantuan whale babies with sideburns and they run Cuba along with Fidel Castro…I once smoked a cuban cigar you know… it was delicious. The whale is also into antidisestablishmentarianism… holy doodle a monkey !!! oh snap its turning into a dragon it must be one of those damned inter-species babies…poor chap. Oh No there goes big bad burns except his head had to burnt and his ‘burns seared off because they were so thick and burns-like…the monkey is not as cute as I thought. Whale was unfittingly lugubrious towards a young lad named carny…well he wasn’t named carny his name was dirty sanchez….actually his name wasn’t either of those it was some weird name that a lot of people have…but he had a comical mustache that you will find on many ‘a carney and on half the population of Mexican men. So the whale should really be lugubrious towards herself but she is too much like a crusty irascible cantankerous old person full of stubborn ideas…speaking of crusty people…my grandparents are here and they are cantankerous alright…mighty cantankerous. Whale is also quite the curmudgeon just like my grampa….My grampa eats garbanzos. Mmm garbanzos. Back to the whale who has now contracted pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis from burns’ woman-like qualities. Its not his fault though his dad was a catfish. So the whales surface is quite undulant and is one of the premier surfing spots the world has….Burns is really into surfing because with his dad being a catfish…his uncle naturally is some other fish so he taught him how to surf….however burns’ benevolence is avuncular so he was eaten by the dragon-monkey which is why this makes perfect sense. So the whale was left alone except for the millions of people plastered on her skin due to her immense space-taking upping. As it turns out… whale got hungry and ate the dragon-monkey….which caused her to have a borborygm which sent shockwaves throughout Alberta….once the RCMP were on it…they ruled that she was to be exiled to sea world in manitoba.

The End