Valentine's Day is such a silly little holiday! I don't even know why people get so worked up over it. The real meaning behind it is much cuter, I wish we still celebrated it like that.
Basically there was a festival celebrating the fertility God a long time ago, and boys would draw girls names from an urn and they would be partners for a year, sort of like Valentines. Then an emperor came and banned the festival, but a guy named St. Valentine was like, hey no, that's not fair ! And married couples secretly. But he ended up getting beheaded because of it.
So tragic.
My boyfriend bought me a 3DS, and the new Zelda game.
I'm going to be busy for awhile now.
Tired of this stage in my life. Tired of being so stressed out and trying to get through the day without having a breakdown. Finding it harder and harder each day to live here. This environment is becoming increasingly toxic. I keep doing what I'm doing, just making it to the next day, I feel like I've lost my passion for everything. I feel like the bitchy outer self I project is nothing similar to what I am, and what I am is what people are beginning to forget. I'm okay with socializing less and less, I'm okay with doing less and less. I guess this is beginning to become routine.
Wonderful, amazing, compassionate boyfriend, you have helped me overcome so much already in the short time that we've known each other. There is a joking, cute, awkward outer self that you portray from day to day, and there is this innermost lust/love for me, the side of you that constantly reassures my insecurities and lets me know I'm going to be okay. Thank you so much for everything you've done.
I am dating the most amazing guy in the world, and I have never felt happier than I have this weekend. I had planned on going out to party, to drink, to see my friends and somewhat try and fit in with the people I no longer have anything in common with. Instead I got something so much better. I know it hasn't even been that long at all but I already feel so into this, so connected, it's scary. I'm terrified that I have such intense feelings after everything that's been happening to me lately but I'm so glad that I can say I've finally found someone I want to be with for a very long time.
I am so excited for next weekend, and everyday that is to come. I feel like I finally have something to look forward to at the end of the day.
I can't really complain, things have been pretty good lately. I mean there have been a few things that I wish hadn't happened, a few things that upset me more than they should have, but other than that I've been good. I keep getting books in the mail from www.goodreads.com, which makes me happy, except my list of books to read is so fucking huge now that I'm just overwhelmed. Excited that my bookshelf is finally going to fill up though. So I just finished the Glass Castle and now I'm reading the Meowmorphosis. I know, uninteresting. But books put me in a good mood.
Longboarding is fucking lovely! I wish I had money like, two months ago. Because unfortunately now I only have like, a month, maybe more until it snows, and then I'm gonna be on my ass until the spring, which takes forever to get here. Not complaining though, I love the fall. It cheers me up so much.
Super excited to go to Screamfest with Shiiilo. ;D He's the cutest. And I'm probably gonna get scared at the dumbest shit. But I'm excited. For some reason lately I've been so into old movies, so for october I'm gonna be hittin' up all the old dracula films I've invested in. Fucking superstore. Making me buy those movies. They stare at me all day until I give in.
Speaking of Halloween and such I have a pretty good idea for my costume, I wish I hadn't spent all of my money so soon because now I can't buy the things I need. Actually, it's not really going to be a costume. I don't like costumes, they make me feel silly. Plus I don't know where I would get a suit so I'll just be doing some crazy makeup. ;D And apparently Tokarsky says I have to help with this haunted house thing at school. Could be interesting. Most likely not.
I guess school is going okay. It's pretty boring but Josh Fleming's scary fucking driving skills make it more interesting, seeing as how we go out everyday, nowhere in particular, just so he can scare the shit out of us and fly over the speed bumps. You'd think that all of this would scare me after the accident but for some reason I trust that he won't kill us. I think there's a difference between driving shitty because you can, and driving shitty because you don't know how to drive well.
Speaking of which, I've decided I'm not buying a car until we move to Vancouver. And I probably won't even buy a car there either. I am so fucking excited to move. I'm going to miss my family for sure but it's going to be so exciting. Plus Corbin is family enough for me. ;D I love that boy so muchhhhh. So yeah, we're basically counting down the days until we can leave.
And so, I believe that is all for my update. Mm, also I must remind myself not to look at the grad pictures. They make me sad.
to go to Vancouver, I swear. It's such a lovely place. And some people may think that I'm trying to grow up too fast and maybe I am, or maybe I'm just trying to get away from everything here. It's horribly boring here. I'm tired of doing the same thing day in and day out. You say I'm bitter you say I'm angry, but really, what is there to be happy about here. It's a shit hole. No one has even HEARD of Spruce Grove. Or Stony Plain. I need something bigger. Corbin and I are going to run off to Vancouver, spur of the moment planning and whatnot, and just be. There are plenty of things I could do without schooling, and plenty with. So I guess I just want to get this over with so I can begin the rest of my life, and see where it takes me. Maybe you guys are cool with staying here but I'm always wanting more. Maybe that's my problem.
So the majority of people visiting my profile are 20 something males from 'world.'
I'm good with that.
I thought I could do this but now I'm not so sure that I can. This is the first moment of hesitation I've had since this all began. I guess it's too bad though since I already dug my grave, now I must lie in it.
The future freaks me out.
