starting now.

lol. sweeeeeeeeet.

"Alright, listen closely. I'm not going to beat around the bush. Ha ha ha. Your little body's changing - it's all good, believe me. Problem now is... every time we jerk the gerkin, we get a lot of unwanted sticky white stuff everywhere, right? Right. So... First order of business - no more socks. They're expensive, gumming up the works plumbing-wise. Now you might be thinking to yourself, "But, Uncle Andy, what do I do with all that pearl jam if I can't spew it into Mr. Sock?" Glad you asked... You can have a lovely time tugging the tiger in the shower each morning - that eliminates the need for a goo glove. But, the day is long, masturbation's fun, so unless we want to take 4 or 5 showers every day, we're gonna need some other options. So let's start with the basics. Tissues. Perfectly acceptable backstop for all that Creamy Italian. They can be rough and dry on such soft, sensitive skin and it can stick to your dick head like a fuckin' band-aid - ouch. From there we move on to more lubricated flack-catchers - specificially, bananas. Step one: Peel the banana. Step two: Slip the peel over your Randy Johnson and start pitching. Now for extra credit, warm up the peel in the microwave. Not too hot! Serious yowza. Also, olive oil, moisturizer, honey, spit, butter, hair conditioner, and Vaseline can all be used for lube. In my opinion, the best lube... is lube. So save your allowance and invest in some soon. Alright, moving on - when you tug your Thomas on the toilet - ffft - shoot right into the bowl. In bed - soft t-shirt, perhaps a downy hand towel of your very own that you don't mind tossing after tossing. There's no such thing as polishing the raised scepter of love too much. It reduces stress, it enhances immune function. Also, practice makes perfect. So work on your control now, while you're a solo artist - you'll be playing some long, happy duets in the future. Ok - class dismissed."

this picture is taken from a scene in a movie
someone tell me what movie it's called and i will love you forever.

Let it suffice to say that my first time was a tremendous, earth-shattering experience. Two souls became one in a torrent of passion. I was an artistic lover, full of a powerful grace. She was shy yet willing and grew increasingly bold to my touch. And I am a liar.

love'll have you nervous, doin stupid shit on purpose
brain out of service, words slurred when you blurt shit
studderin', utterin' non-sensical shit in your verses
feeling like a shirtless, 4-breasted woman in a circus

furthurly trying to gap an unfillable void
because of parents never transfering that unbillical joy
so girls create a false world of filling on boys
exploited, guys playing with her heart like her feelings are toys

but when you have it.. there's nothing like it, you get excited
seeking those who provide it, on phones talking to psychics
some fear it... spend their entire lives trying to fight it
living in a confusing haze, like they're grooving to Isaac

it ain't the end of the rainbow with a treasure chest and a map
it ain't easily learnable with definitions in tact
it can ride your train of though and demolitions your tracks
hittin' and bullwhippin you, leavin' them slits in your back

but i've been a lucky one.. loving parents, loving friends
but I still spend alot of my life loving sin
but I ain't a genious on it, I can only pretend
cause over all it's an emotion I can not comprehend.. it's love.

Can't fucking wait.

this weekend has brought me to two different realizations:

one: some women are even more complicated than i thought.
two: i smoked too much shisha. ugh.

i'd shoot down heaven for this one.