to let go isn't to forget
not think about, or ignore.
it doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret.
letting go isn't winning, and it isn't losing.
it's not about pride & it's not about how
you appear and it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past.
letting go isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn't leave emptiness hurt or sadness
it's not giving in or giving up. and it is not defeat.
to let go - is to cherish memories, to overcome and move on.
it's having an open mind & confidence in the future letting go is accepting;
learning and experiencing and growing..
to let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh,
made you cry and made you grow.
it's about all that you have, all that you had & all that you will soon gain.
letting go is having the courage to accept change..
and the strength to keep moving.. letting go is growing up.
it's realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy of all.
to let go is to open a door.. and to clear a path & set yourself free
oh god, why does it have to hurt so much
how did i ever trust you
now it hurts like someone stabbed a knife in my heart about 54590439 times
why can't you just be a man
and stop avoiding me
so we can talk about this?
it's really not even a big deal,
you're just being too cowardly to face it.
after all the phone calls, texts, and talks, it's just over like that?
oh how i miss your ringtone going off on my cell....
i already miss everything about you.
this is pathetic of me.
but how am i supposed to help it?
6 months and it's just over like that? fuck that!
i wanna go home, even for just a weekend.
i want school to be better. i don't wanna bomb any more midterms.
ok, so i got an A on one of my midterms, but that course is not even close to stressful.
i'm so scared i may fail another course this semester, i don't even want another C-
i just want everything to be ok.
but it's not.
nothing's ok for me right now.
i just wanna stay in bed and cry and cry until i can't cry no more.
i feel like my heart's being weighed down by a heavy anchor,
i hate this feeling so much.
and someone's mad at me and i don't want her to be.
but i think it's time that i got a wake-up call on where we are with this friendship.
there's so much i could say, but it would take so much time just to even explain the basics of it.
i just want everything to be better.
i don't wanna have to worry about anything.
i just wanna be happy,
but it just seems like it's not gonna happen for a very long time
i miss home
i miss my friends
i miss a sense of 'belonging' to where i am
So let me get this straight
Say now you loved me all along
What made you hesitate
to tell me with words what you really feel?
I can see it in your eyes
you mean all of what you say
i remember so along ago, see I felt that same way
Now we both have separate lives and lovers (and lovers)
Insignificantly enough
we both have significant others
Only time will tell
Time will turn and tell
We are who we were when
Could have been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend
we are who, we are who we were when
Who knew what we know now
Could have been more but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who, we are who we were when
But thoughts they change
and times they rearrange
I don't know who you are anymore
Loves come and go and this I know
I'm not who you recall anymore
But i must confess
you're so much more than I remember
Can't help but entertain
these thoughts, thoughts of us together
We are who we were when
Could have been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who, we are who we were when
Who knew what we know now
Could have been more but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who, we are who we were when
My day late friend
So let me get this straight
All these years
and you were no where to be found
And now you want me for your own
But you're a day late
and my love, she's still renowned
We are who we were when
Could have been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who, we are who we were when
Who knew what we know now
Could have been more but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who, we are who we were when
We are who we were when
Could have been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who, we are who we were when
Who knew what we know now
Could have been more but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who, we are who we were when
if only they invented time machines,
we could go back in time
and fix every single mistake we ever made
in our life.
there is nothing i wouldn't do right now
to take back that one action friday night.
i get that i fucked up, majorly. i get it.
i think the only thing i can do now is
to just accept it and move on.
if only you knew...what you mean to me
and how sorry I am.
I want things to go back to the way they were,
I miss the texts, chats on MSN, phone calls.
I want it all back.
what have i gotten myself into...
oh god, this is bad
very bad.
but at the same time, i want this to happen.
i miss the thrill and fun of it
but i want you to know that
i've been thinking of you lately <3
i just wanted you to know
i think about you every night
when i fall asleep
you are in my dreams
just like in a movie
the one you want to see
with a happy ending
<3
1. SFU in two whole weeks!
2. kelowna road trip with CJ and MM this weekend
3. SHOPPING SPREE
***i seriously plan to spend like 400-500 bucks, and not JUST on clothes i tell you
4. Laura's BBQ next week
5. 6 more shifts at Save-On
6. unlimited texting (unfortunately i can only send 50 right now, its stupid)
OH and i forgot one more thing
GREY'S ANATOMY 5TH SEASON STARTS ON MY BIRTHDAY <3
obviously you can tell how friggin stoked i am
i seriously cannot believe my summer's gonna be over so soon...
and soon ill be starting my new life
so excitinnnggg but terrifying at the same time.
and here i am
silently wishing you a happy birthday and
knowing that you're having the time of your life
missing youuuu </3
its hard enough to say that i miss you </3
this is SO not good
its 12:50 am
and i really should be sleeping..
but then again i dont work till 1:30 tomorrow
so...i guess im allowed to stay up this late
therefore im gonna rant on for awhile
oh man im so in love with my new cellphone
its so pretttyyyyy
never did i ever think i'd get an ORANGE phone
but seriously, it makes me happy so its all good hahaha
LG rumours are so awesommee =)
shame i can only text 50 msgs a month thanks to my plan
but im not too concerned, ill be going unlimited by the end of august
so i think ill live...
having two jobs isnt half as bad as i thought it'd be
well...maybe its because i work monday-thursday/friday at save-on foods
then sometimes i work at sportchek on the weekends,
and other times...I DONT WORK AT ALL THERE
this is so fucked up
dear sportchek:
please stop putting me on call during the weekends
i NEED some definite shifts, im not gonna sit around waiting
for a phone call, okay?
also, we've talked about this
IM GOING AWAY by the end of summer
therefore...I NEED MONEY
give me at least one shift a week
two words: YOU SUCK -_-
but seriously, im not really a big fan of that place now
its so boring now...
all i do is open change rooms for customers
and fold clothes and....all those other boring stuff
it used to be so exciting but...
its just so boring now, ive lost all my happiness for that place
on the other hand
i loveee my job in the deli at save-on
i always have something to do
and time passes by so fast there
not to mention, i get TWO 30 min breaks
unlike SC where i have only one 30 min break
and its always so short...
shame i cant work 7 days a week there
cause i seriously would...ahahaha
oh lord, ive gone insane
but you know what else bugs me?
the fact that i work with HIM
after everything that hapepned
good god, i cannot believe this
we havent exactly talked since....scudo lake
well, there was the call where i told him to leave me alone
then theres times when he says 'excuse me' or 'FRONTCASE'
but thats it
to be honest, im fine with the way things are
high school's done
i dont have to deal with him anymore
i think it was just the fact that i was seeing him everyday
that made me have a high tolerance to his presence
the biggest pet peeve about him was when he would
come up to me OUT OF THE BLUE and the first thing he'd say
would be 'whats going on barbara' like sooooo casually
i wanted to bang my head against the locker every singleeeeeeeee time he said that, GAWD >.<
its kinda funny how hes got practically no friends now after what happened...
SS hasnt talked to him since then, as well as I
dont know if he still talks to JS
but other than him...who else does he have? O_O
gawdddd i wanna shoot myself
i think im still crushing on you a taddddd bit
like the size of a pea
but im still hatin on you at the same time
...clearly theres something wrong with me
i hate it whenever i try to strike up a conversation with you
you just shoot it down with your brief one/two-word replies
i am TRYING to stay friends with you
but clearly you think too highly of yourself still...
im a bit concerned how you're gonna survive next year..
WAIT, WHY AM I CARING
oh i should be smacked up the head
so i am officially in LOVE with...
grey's anatomy <3
ive just started watching it
and i am now on the fourth season
i can see why a lot of people loved it
its so sad how im always out of the loop
first, the OC
now, grey's anatomy
i guess it was cause of the fact that i hate my satellite
and i was always studying or doing something else....
but seriously, derek and meredith are the cutest but fucked up couple, ever
the things she does sometimes are SO ridiculous
that im thinking 'WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!'
but then again its a soap opera....so its no surprise, right?
oh, how i enjoy soap operas <3
i saw p.s. i love you the other night
i REALLY dont know what i think of it...
its cute, yes
but...confusing at the same time
for some reason...i thought it was too overdone
maybe theres something wrong with me?
i enjoyed sisterhood of the travelling pants more
than p.s. i love you
and i thought i loved romance movies more
i think im just on crack now, sheesh
oh did i mention how EXCITED i am to move to SFU?
welll actually, im excited and terrified at the same time
im just excited that ill be living on my own
and meeting new people
and getting out of this place
and just...MEETING NEW PEOPLE
i think ive only just realized now how much i love
making new friends and meeting new ppl...
but at the same time
im terrified about how im gonna survive on my own
without getting the FRESHMAN 15
I DONT WANNA GAIN ANY MORE WEIGHT O_O
and how im gonna tell myself to study like crazy
or to not sleep too late
and DO MY OWN LAUNDRY
god....im so worried
i cant even cook without asking one of my friends
if the water has BOILED yet
BUT ITS OKAY
ill be on a meal plan so...
ill worry about cooking stuff when second year comes up
yea....im being horrible and avoiding my issues
but...i dont wanna deal with them now
enrolled in my courses on monday for the fall term:
biology with lab + tutorial
intro to anthropology + tutorial
calculus with NO TUTORIAL
foundations of health sciences + tutorial
philosophy + tutorial
never ever everrrrr did i think i'd be taking anthropology, EVER
as well as philosophy
im not exactly the type of person to talk about
if i believe in god or not
i think ill be having some issues with that class..
but hey it was better then poetry or drama or any other english-related class
you know what i really want?
I WANT A PIERCING ON THE TOP OF ONE OF MY EARS
i think you call those a....helix?
oh i forget
but either way, I WANT ONE
as well as a stud in my nose
oh, and i want a second set of piercings in my earlobes
what on earth has happened to me...
i now have yearnings for piercings?
ive definitely lost it....hahaha
god i hate how ive used nexopia rant now
i used to have a buddy who i'd email
and rant about all my thoughts to
since he was like my best friend
but yeaaaa its safe to say we dont talk anymore
since hes got his busy life now with university and his gf and a job
so ive narrowed it down to nexopia...oh dear
OK IM DONE NOW
i think ive talked enough
good god, that was more than i thought it'd be o_o
someone tell me ive lost it completely
ok so its past 11, my usual bedtime
and yes i know, im a sad person
but hey, i like my sleep thank you very much
however, i feel i have A LOT to rant about right now
so far, im having quite a shitty weekend
therefore i need to let some feelings out before i explode like a flippin' volcano
first,
I MISS YOU GUYS terribly =[
it sucked enough that my dumb-ass parents wouldnt let me come see you off at the airport, they didnt even have a REASON to not let me go. i swear, i seriously hate it when my parents say no to me going somewhere, just cause they just WANT me home, and not going anywhere. like HELLO? give me a good reason so i wont get mad at you buffoons, GOD. thanks JM for going to go say bye to them for me and everyone else, you're the best =)
also, thanks to you and JT coming to console me, and making me laugh when i thought i wouldnt be laughing for quite a long time.
second,
CHILL dad, okay?
sorry for not getting back to you about those cellphone plans, i just still have a biology exam i need to study for, and i had a lot going on this week, okay? besides, we have all summer to decide on a FLIPPIN' cellphone plan, jesus christ. ALSO, you only talked to me ONCE about the whole SFU thing, in which I told you i'd get everything sorted out. you never talked to me about it 3/4 times which you claim YOU DID??? ITS ONLY JUNE, and registration for stuff isnt till like next week, CALM DOWN. ill get everything sorted out, i always do. thanks for not having faith in me. no need to have yelled at the dinner table and give me a hard enough time. crying badly last night was BAD enough for me, thanks for making me bawl more. yea, you're the best father ever, jerk.
third,
IM STILL MAD AT YOU. the guys may be gone now, but that still doesnt mean ILL FORGIVE YOU. you caused a shitload of fucking drama that night, which just made things worse between me and him before he left. YOU'RE NEVER DRINKING AGAIN, im serious. it was bad enough with you getting sick in the car and me plugging my ears, JESUS CHRIST. and the fact that you dont remember ANYTHING that happened makes it WORSE. and there was no need to call my cell like 20 times just to APOLOGIZE for something you dont even KNOW what you did. thats not an apology at all, ass. and you had the nerve to call my HOUSE PHONE as well? even after i made it clear that I NEEDED SOME TIME TO COOL DOWN, yea you're clearly a fucking idiot.
four,
i just realized that its gonna take me some time to adjust to you being gone *sigh* everything reminds me of you, faccckkkk.
sure, we had some ups and downs, but you were still a friend to me
and the fact that i didnt get to say bye to you one last time....really hurt, badly. at least i got to talk to you on the cellphone before you boarded...
i know you're gonna enjoy your new fave TV show, you always seemed to be quite a fan of soap operas, hahahah. what a girl you were, ohhh you <3
ok im done now, i feel soo much better now =)
lets hope i have a better finish to my weekend tomorrow....hmm
We're one mistake for being together
But let's not ask why it's not right
You won't be seventeen forever
And we can get away with this tonight
![b[a]rbie11 - 21, Female, Burnaby](http://images.nexopia.com/gallerylandscapemini/2/1424403/16.jpg "b[a]rbie11 - 21, Female, Burnaby")
