I'm still in love with you and it's killing me not talking to you

honestly i can not believe this after telling myself no for so long i just couldn't lie to myself much longer .it was so hard to keep it all in . i just couldn't do it . a part of me feels like i did the right thing another part of me feels like it was a huge mistake telling you how i feel .. you were special and very unique to me especially and i know i did the opposite but showing it . i was scared . i was scared to face the truth and what it would hold for me in the future if i would have let you into my life beyond the amount you already were . would it have brought me into worse things ? there were things i was scared that would happen all this fear i had . the reason i held back for so long the reason I'm here right now wishing i would have done something differently . or do i ? maybe it was the right thing for me to tell you and have you tell me you don't feel the same anymore .i guess everything happens for a reason right . and sometimes i wish i would have come to you sooner and told you how i felt . you always saying you needed that one girl in your life to get your life back together to set you straight . i always wanted to be that girl but i was scared , scared on what would happen scared how you would have changed for that one specials girl and if you still would or if they were all lies i didn't know .i wonder what would have happened if i would have told you this 5 maybe 11 months ago how would i have been with my life now . thinking now i feel you would've changed my life maybe for the better and maybe made it difficult but the way you made me feel i honestly think it would have been worth all of it . but the pain i go through now ? was it worth it ? losing you in the end .cause i waited to long , to break past all the fears you have given me ? its just so hard to believe that someone who said they loved you so much and waited so long in the end gave up . that's my fault i know that much . my fault for lieing and hiding everything i felt .brings us back to the fear it was all the fear that came with our relationship . it had a huge toll on us and i wish i could've controlled it better and been braver and took more chances but i didn't and there is nothing i can do now .you make me feel like no other guys has EVER made me feel . past boyfriends, summer hook ups and just those randoms . i would never and have never once felt any connection to any of them when we were together and would kiss why ? i don't know i guess they just weren't the right one for me and there was no chemistry , but " when your lips touched mine i must confess my dear that it was instantly right from the start a special bond between you and my heart " i felt complete in your arms while you kissed me and also you always seem to be able to put that stupid grin on your face . and it always lightens up my day and makes me smile to big for myself or to the point my cheeks hurt . you were an amazing part of my life a big part of who i am today i always needed someone to be there for me and you always were no matter what i was going through .and now i just feel lost .i feel empty. there's no one there to fill the hole you have left . even as a friend and i really need that .but for the time being i don't know if i can handle that right now .I'm craving you to come back into my life but i know it will make the process a living hell for me knowing that i can't have you the way i want to . You have torn me up inside to the point where i just sit there and cry .you mean a whole lot to me if you can tear me up to the point i will sit there listen to the song that described how you made me feel and what i felt for you perfectly and just cry . cry cause i know i made a huge mistake and i will never get my chance back that i threw everything away that now its just all gone . and all i can do is just sit there and hope . hope for you to come back around or hope for someone . someone who can make me feel exactly the way you made me feel .because you definatly won my heart. i told you i loved you and now what ? instead of enjoying that with someone i finally found someone who truely makes me happy, i have to pretend like none of this ever happened :'( why this all happened ? me being afraid to fall for you everything that happened was all because of fear

So I think i really like him ,

Ain't no use in tryin to lie
You know we be ridin' fly
All that stuff you tryin to buy
Boy you know we be twice as fly