I Dont Care! I Still Don't Care!! I'm not doing it....
If you dont treat her right,
don't be mad when another
guy comes along and does your
job for you and wins her heart.\
Q. Why do women pierce their bellybutton?
A. Place to hang their air freshener.
Q. What is the definition of a menstrual period?
A. A bloody waste of fucking time.
Q. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
A. Gagged
[racism removed - do not repost]
Q. What did Adam say to Eve?
A. Stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets!
Q. What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.
Q. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A. A cherry float.
Q. How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
A. Give it a nipple.
Q. What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
A. They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.
Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe?
A. They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!
Q. What's the definition of a Yankee?
A. Same thing as a ''quickie'', only you do it yourself.
dealer walks in says: i got a call for pluming something about empty pipesXD
Q. What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A. A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q. What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?
A. A lesbian with a hard-on.
Q. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?
A. If the bitch has to chew, before she swallows
Q. I married Miss Right.
A. I just didn't know her first name was "Always
Q. What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
A. Brothel sprouts.
Q. What's the difference between love and herpes?
A. Love doesn't last forever.
Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. "How do you breath through something so small?"
Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A. "Is it in?"
I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. because sometimes you just feel tired. you feel weak, and when you feel weak, you feel like you just wanna give up. but you gotta search within yourself, try to find that inner strength and just pull that shit out of you and get that motivation to not give up and not be a quitter, no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse It's impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all.
"Every sixty seconds spent upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back." "Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you have decided to look beyond the imperfections." "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light." "To be upset over what you don't have, is a waste of what you do have." "You just have to be happy. If you are, everything else will fall into place." "Everybody wants to be happy. Nobody wants to feel pain, but you can't have a rainbow without a little rain."
Sammantha~Lea*Ann
Who are you to judge the life I live?
i know im not perfect-and I dont live to be.
But before you satrt pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean.
i know im not perfect-and I dont live to be.
But before you satrt pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean.
if you love something, let it go.
if it comes back to you, its yours.
If it doesn't, it never was.
Stoners live 'n Stoners Die.
But in the end we all get high.
So if in life you dont Succeed,
fuck it all and Smoke Some Weed!!
Lets do 68 u do me a favor and ill owe you one
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, ...look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
A cucumber, an olive and a penis are talking.
The cucumber says "I hate my life, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me in salad."
The olive says "That's nothing, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me on pizza."
The penis says "You think you have it bad, when I get big fat and juicy they put me in a bag, throw me in a cave, shut the door and leave me there till I throw up"
If water were vodka and i was a Duck id swim to the bottom and never come up but waters not vodka and im not a duck so pass the fucking bottle and shut the fuck up.
Who Am I? I'm The BITCH You Don't Wanna FUCK Wit!!!
Well my name is Sammantha not gonna lie im kinda a bad ass I like to get into trouble. I don't really like girls to much im more one to chill with my boys less drama that way. I hate drama and dramatic bitchez not afraid to punch a bitch in the dome. I love to workout and eat healthy i'm huge on the hole vitamin thing and keeping in shape i love to drink and party hard smoke weed and w.e else comes to mind. I don't smoke crack or speed don't do heroin. I like the party drugs:p like Mushrooms
\m/(^.^)\m/ a relationship is a huge thing for me. Don't believe in cheating or abusive relationships. If i guy hits me imma hit em back plane and simple. Had huge problems with relationships that nobody should ever have to experience. But all in all im a good clean loving person and i treat people how they treat me =] Haters are my Motivaters love me or hate me your choice but your shit don't phase me;d
The spaces between your fingers are meant to be filled with mine.It's not my fault that I fell for you, you tripped me!Let's commit the perfect crime, I'll steal your heart, and you steal mine.There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.You can fall from the sky You can fall from a tree But the best way to fall Is in love with meIf nothing lasts for ever, will you be my nothing?I Love Everything You Hate About Yourself
if it comes back to you, its yours.
If it doesn't, it never was.
Stoners live 'n Stoners Die.
But in the end we all get high.
So if in life you dont Succeed,
fuck it all and Smoke Some Weed!!
Lets do 68 u do me a favor and ill owe you one
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, ...look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
A cucumber, an olive and a penis are talking.
The cucumber says "I hate my life, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me in salad."
The olive says "That's nothing, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me on pizza."
The penis says "You think you have it bad, when I get big fat and juicy they put me in a bag, throw me in a cave, shut the door and leave me there till I throw up"
If water were vodka and i was a Duck id swim to the bottom and never come up but waters not vodka and im not a duck so pass the fucking bottle and shut the fuck up.
Who Am I? I'm The BITCH You Don't Wanna FUCK Wit!!!
Well my name is Sammantha not gonna lie im kinda a bad ass I like to get into trouble. I don't really like girls to much im more one to chill with my boys less drama that way. I hate drama and dramatic bitchez not afraid to punch a bitch in the dome. I love to workout and eat healthy i'm huge on the hole vitamin thing and keeping in shape i love to drink and party hard smoke weed and w.e else comes to mind. I don't smoke crack or speed don't do heroin. I like the party drugs:p like Mushrooms
\m/(^.^)\m/ a relationship is a huge thing for me. Don't believe in cheating or abusive relationships. If i guy
The spaces between your fingers are meant to be filled with mine.It's not my fault that I fell for you, you tripped me!Let's commit the perfect crime, I'll steal your heart, and you steal mine.There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.You can fall from the sky You can fall from a tree But the best way to fall Is in love with meIf nothing lasts for ever, will you be my nothing?I Love Everything You Hate About Yourself
