I wish I could have back that simple innocence that i had when i was a child. The world would be such a better place if we could all remain innocent, but for one to remain innocent the world would have to be a better place. In this day and age someone who claims to be innocent is labled ignorant in the eyes of society. Everyone with the exception of young children(and even they know to a certian extent not to trust strangers and to be weary of bad people) knows that the world is not a good place and that you can't be trusting. And to be innocent would be ignorant. All this came to mind as i was on the number 9 to soutgate from downtown and i noticed this girl sitting by herself. You could tell by her wide eyes and the way she looked at everything that she was nervous about being on the bus alone. She must been about 11 or 12 but by the way she was sitting with a nervous smile and the way she swung her feet(they didnt touch the floor) made me think she was only 8 or 9(i knew this couldnt be possible because what kind of parent lets their 9 year old take a bus from one end of the city to the other?)

To be completly innocent in this world, or as some may see it, ignorant of their surroundings, would be a cause of great misfortune to this person. Someone would discover this and exploit it. There will always be that one person who will find our weakness and use it to their advantage thus "popping our bubble". Why should we be punished for believing something? I wish i could for once believe something and not have my ideals/ideas/beliefs/dreams shit on by some-know-it-all asshole who thinks that its their business to "inform" me of my ignorance/stupidity/innocence. Wouldnt it be better if i learnt this all on my own?

i always think of good things to write about when im everywhere but here and then when i am here i cant remember.

Life should be simple and enjoyable. Do what makes you happy and forget about all that complicated stuff. live, learn, make money, die happy that's all that needs to be done. Why one puts themselves thru all the tramautic, complicated and yucky stuff is beyond me. Actually no it isnt. We will go to great lengths in an attempt to achieve hapiness, wealth, seniority, ect. And i suppose if one day we are truly happy then all the bullshit we wadded thru will be worth it. I sure hope thats the case.

there once was a girl named andrea and she lived in edmonton. and there was a boy named ryan and he lived in calgary. andrea and ryan were both on a site called hotornot and ryan messaged andrea and she messaged him back and began talking. they talked everyday online for almost two years. andrea began to devlop feelings for ryan and that sucked. ryan lived three hours away didnt drive. andrea also didnt drive.andrea desperatly wanted to go see ryan and see if her feelings for him were the same in person as they were online. and then one weekend andrea learnt that ryan was going to be in edmonton. they hung out for a while but it wasnt nearly long enough for andrea. and when ryan told andrea that he was leaving to go back to calgary and that he wouldnt have time to see her before he left, she was crushed. andrea knew she had strong feelings for him but there wasnt much she could do about it. so then she was faced with a decision. move to calgary or forget about him. she still hasnt made a decision.

there was THE biggest party inmillwoods at my ex-bf's house. so of course i went, got drunk, saw alot of ppl from work and school. was kinda wierd b/c i didnt kno that they knew chris(the ex) but whatever. well 11pm rolls around and i want to go outside for a smoke when i see the fuzz(aka the cops). so i hustle my ass back inside and break the news. everything is fine as long as we stay inside. ok so we smoke in the garage. ok fine. and then about a half hour later all the minors have to leave. ok no problem. im a minor but im staying. so then about twelve thirty the cops come in and bust it up. its fine tho b/c i was on my way out anyways. theres this guy ryan from calgary that i have talked to on msn for almost two years and we have never met. i could tell that we both had feelings for one another via the internet and i was getting anxious about meeting him. and then i found out that he was in edmonton this weekend. and i was like "dude i need some depends" i was so excited. and then he and his friends picked me up from the party and i cant believe it. im probally not going to get to see this guy ever agian.....or not for a long time anyways. but the first time i meet him i puke right as he's trying to give me a hug. YAY for good first impressions. NOT. and i would have been able to see him today except i have to be at work in an hour(yes its 930 am and i am up)

ok so i got my nose pierced last friday not thinking anyone would have a problem with it....not like its some huge ugly gawdy piercing. Anyways today i went to my oma and opa's(german for grandma and grandpa) for lunch....(it was good like always) but before i got to enjoy it i got to listen to them comment on my "snot catcher". Yes i know ppl are entitled to their own oppinions and should feel free to express them to me.....but its just a nose ring! they freaked! it was un-real......i dunno just kinda ticked me off.

After watching a re-run of third watch, I can say that i feel for dads now. The hardest thing for a dad would have to be the day he hears that his lil girl is having sex....and it must take alot of balls to not freak out and go kill the guy. On a similar note my mom just recently found out that I smoke and I feel horrible b/c i cant even begin to imagine how much i let her down. Every time I look at her now it's like i can see it in her eyes. And it sucks. I'm begining to wonder if we will ever be completly independent from our parents. I look at my mom and my aunt and they still want praise and accpetance from my oma. My mom still makes her decisions based on what my oma would think, and if doing taht would make her mom proud. That thought is kinda overwhelming....that no matter how far you move away or how distant you are from your parents you are always thinking about them in the back of your mind......i'm not sure yet if this is a good thing or a bad thing yet....one day i will know. i hope.

After a long talk with my mom about my lack of motivation i've come to realize a few things.

The first being that without motivation and drive your life has no purpose. You have to make it have a point. If you think about it life really doesnt have a purpose until you find something you love to do. Your born you go to school get good grades so you can go to post secondary to get a good job so you can compete in society for who has the fastest car nicest house goes on the best vacations and whos kids are the most sucessful. And then u die and the cycle repeats with your children. Granted this all sounds a little negative and pesimistic but its true in its most general form. The material worth is more imporant than utter happiness. We strive to be the best fastest most beautiful ect.....and i hate that that's how life goes and I admit ive been brainwashed by societies mindless banter. and im ok with tthat providing i allow my life to have its own purpose and that i myself have goals that I, not my mom dad sister or grandparents have set for myself. One has to enjoy the small things in life to get by on a day to day basis. If we were to concentrate soley on the big picture and what we are or are not doing to work towards our goals. Goals are important in the fact that they give life a purpose, give me something to work towards. provided they are small things that i can do within the week. they keep me going. goals should not be confused with dreams...something one has to have to be sane.

With all that ^^ in mind i've started a list of things i want to accomplish before i die. some of them are things that could be done tomorrow and some of them are things i probally wont ever accomplish but its nice to dream about and give me soemthing to look forward to.

maybe its just me but there is a serious lack of things to talk to ppl about on a site like this....."hey nice pics" "hows your day going" "where do u live" ect......it gets repetative and makes me wonder why im on the internet. and then i talk to some of the ppl i have met off of here or rankme and i know taht sites like these arent a total waste of time because i have devloped good friendships with quite a few people. and for those ppl who think meeting ppl off the net is lame and only for desperate ugly people, they dont know what they are missing. sure there are alot of creeps out there but like anything else you have to take the good with the bad.....

well its monday, well early tuesday morning and i havent heard from Hazen yet. im starting to think that the 4 beers he had were having affect on him and he had "beer googles" on and when he realized i wasnt what he thought i was he didnt call. which sucks either way. anyways tomorrow im calling his friend for his phone # and call him and ask him what was up. i dont really care if i sound like a loser. i just need to know.

so Hazen was supposed to call me today after i got off work (4pm) and i had my cell on and i was busy helping jeff move and cooking them all diner and blah blah blah.....so when i finally get a chance to look at my cell phone i see i have one missed call. totally expecting it to be Hazen im stoked, but when i check the number it turns out to be my mother, wanting me to bring home milk when i get there. ok w/e its only 8 now lots of time for him to call right?! WRONG. its not 130am and the only other person to call was my friend needing someones phone number! i know guys never call when they say they will but the fact that Hazen lives in Wabuman and he was only in the city until tonite kinda pisses me off. not like im gonna hop on my 18 speed and pedel out to see his bitch ass anytime soon. for once i thought i had met someone with relationship potential....or at least fuck buddies. why do guys always have to go piss me off like that?! im totally not the type of person taht takes shit from anyone but w/e its a guy i always let it go. and im sick of it. if for once a guy could actually act human it would be a fucking miracle. i always pretend that im not pissed off or upset b/c its not COOL. its girls like me that let guys get away with that kinda shit. if girls just said what they wanted and did what they wanted guys wouldnt be able to do half the shit they do to us.

yesterday is one of those days u wake up extra early and enjoy the very first leak of the day and its SO fgood b/c u know today promises to be great! so i meet up with my frined at 12:30 and we ATTEMPT to pick up her paycheck so we can go to k-days but we have to track it down b/c it wasnt where it was supposed to be. We finally get to the grounds at 2pm and by this time im just super pumped to go on some rides, get some #'s eat some hot dogs and just experience the whole k-days thing! we decided to check out the agricom; how come all that as seen on TV stuff is always SO cool. i got suckered into buying a 16 dollar bottle of jewlery cleaner b/c i couldnt walk away after he cleaned my ring so nicely. oh well my moms b-day is soon. i think it will be the perfect gift for her. LoL the rides were GREAT(even tho less this year AGIAN)and the food caused indigestion like it should and the illegal beer drinking was fun(cuz im not 18)and Sugakane was stellar! I dunno if ne one really know who they are but they are an awesome band and i really hope they dont get to famous b/c then it wont be the same. Kinda makes u feel special b/c u kno one of the good things about and not many others have had the joy of experiencing it yet. And when we met up with Kyle and Hazen everything proceded(sp)to improve. being that Hazen is a gourgeous man and there arent words for the emotions.