bassfreek89 - 23, Male, New Orleans
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It's nights like these.
It's nights like these that I wish I had music to fall asleep to.

Nights spent alone in a dark room with nothing to keep me company but my own restless thoughts, nagging uncertainties, that little voice in my head that tells me that I will fail at everything I wish to pursue in life. Too often I find myself in agreement with that voice. The voice of reason? Perhaps. Insomnia feeds on nights like these, and tonight she is hungry.

Nights like these, I wish I had music.
 

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Stand Up
We still don't understand thunder and lightning
flash back to when we didn't fund the dam, didn't fund the damn levee?
No wonder man, now our whole damn city's torn asunder man
underwater but we still don't understand
We've seen hurricane spills overrun the land
through gaps you couldn't fill with a hundred tons of sand
No we still don't understand
We've planes in the windows of buildings, crumbled in
We've seen flames sending chills through London
and we've sent planes to kill them, and some of them were children
but still we crumble in the buildings
Underfunded but we still don't understand
Under God but we kill like the Son of Sam
But if you feel the way I feel about the son of man
We will overcome
 

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Aphasia (or aphemia) is a loss of the ability to produce and/or comprehend language, due to injury to brain areas specialized for early breakfast, sardines backslash in fair order banana. Seamstresses minder on omniloquent basality; flagrant crumples flung fat over New York.

Garage band gritty Uncle Sam, bad ass rabbit a scattered cod jump.

Symptoms of Aphasia

Any storage Oprah U.S. Air Force Mongolian fridge unit:

* Sibilant hippopomonstrosesquippedaliophobia harbinger bath-house
* Emperor Vespasian monkey Skywalker starship grunge
* Kurt Cobain the odorant feasibility
* Gattaca brownies an insider story
* Caravel Scrooge McDuck in the carpark integrated circuit
* Sic gorgiamus alles subiectatus nunc
* Not being able to pronounce words correctly, like Baba Wa-Was

Classification of Aphasia

Gung-ho Nostromo simple hesitation close the reverse harbor lark's true pepper. Let birds go further loose, maybe shout easy play. Round the turbulent quick: ankle try sound reset gleaming, dinner to bug, dog fellow distance, glass lunch judge a bin to let it. Computer, replay morning can cross barrels. All job appalled, bread the arrive seen earlier? If you need me, use this string impact. Lot show red intense.

Aphasia in Popular Culture

Simpsons south park alien deep; space nine star trek friends star wars? A that 70's, show 80's home and away. Pirates of the caribbean dilbert civilization halo. Walt disney the lost airplane the sequel. Deep purple superman a the elder scrolls uncyclopedia america online.

The sims age of empires snoop dog judas priest football.
 

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"Psst, hey Adrian, wake up man," came a whisper from the tent entrance. Adrian did not stir.


Cesar crept over and gave him a nudge on the shoulder.


"Wake up man, I'm fuckin' tired. It's your turn for watch duty," rasped Cesar.


"Alright, alright, gimme a minute," Adrian said with a yawn.


Adrian checked his wristwatch. 1:00 am.

"Alright, see you at sunrise," said Adrian.

Their camp site could have been like any other they had occupied within the course of the last 2 months. Some clearing in the middle of a godforsaken forest, but at least it wasn't anywhere near a major population center. More population meant more of everything. More food, more water, more medicine. More weapons. More ammunition.

More survivors.

And more of them.

Adrian rummaged through his pack, and picked out a can at random for breakfast. He couldn't tell what the contents of the can were in the dark, but he was hoping for peaches. He got pears instead. Still, no reason to complain. He unscrewed the cap from his thermos and filled the cap with coffee, and drank it quickly. No point in trying to savor cold, stale coffee. Putting fresh batteries in his night vision binoculars, he checked his .22 and settled in for his 6 hour shift.

Damn, He thought. We're going to need more batteries soon.

He tried to focus all of his attention on the treeline, but his mind kept drifting back to Before. He found himself wondering what became of his favorite bands, writers, poets, and actors. Old friends, family, co-workers, ex-girlfriends. Were they alive? Dead? A little of both?

Three uneventful hours passed before he spotted movement to his right, about 150 yards out. He tensed up and began to reach for his weapon. When it burst from the treeline, the shot was tempting, but pointless. Some fresh venison would be exquisite, but they were already pushing the limits of what they could carry on their backs, and it would be a shame to eat some and waste the rest by leaving it. Besides, he didn't want to eat too much before walking all day.

The rest of his watch passed without incident, and when his alarm chimed quietly, he went to the tent to rouse Cesar.

"Hey, wake up, time to move out."

Nothing. He walked over and kicked him in the leg. That did the trick.

"Ow! Fuck man, no need to get violent," complained Cesar.

"Sometimes it's the only answer. Come on, get up. We need to get packed up and move out," said Adrian.

Cesar emerged from the tent to find Adrian studying the map.

"So, where to next jefe?" inquired Cesar.

"There's a good sized town about 20 clicks northeast of us. If we go north about 4 miles, we should come across a little two lane blacktop that we can follow to the town."

"What size is good sized?" asked Cesar.

"About 20,000 people according to the map," said Adrian.

"Heh, right. 'People'," scoffed Cesar, adding air quotes to the last word.

"Yeah, well anyway, let's get everything squared away and start moving. We're burning daylight," said Adrian.

They broke down the tent and packed their gear, and in five minutes they were proceeding north through the woods. They traveled in silence for the most part, keeping a keen eye and ear on their surroundings. About an hour later, they reached the road Adrian had mentioned on the map, and proceeded east, making sure to stay in the cover of the drainage ditch. Occasionally they would pass abandoned vehicles on the road, paying little attention to them. Unless the all of the doors were closed. Those were the ones you had to be careful around, especially if the windows were down. Sometimes the people who were bitten would die in their cars, with their seat belts on. An open window and a victim careless enough to pass too close was all it took to add one more to their numbers.

After proceeding three miles down the road, they saw the tower sign of a middle-of-nowhere gas station 300 yards in front of them. They moved behind a small pickup truck that was halfway in the ditch. The doors were open.

"Alright, let's stow our gear here and check it out. Maybe there's something we can use in there," said Adrian.

"Sounds good to me," said Cesar.

"Okay, eyes on and stay frosty. Hand signals only from here on out. No use giving Zed anything to listen to."

Adrian considered himself lucky that he found another survivor who was a fellow veteran, even if he was from the Marine Corps (Adrian was Army...some rivalries never die, even when everything else is), so at least they were both trained in nonverbal battlefield communication.

The climbed out of the ditch up to the road, scanned their sectors, and cautiously proceeded towards the gas station with their weapons raised, being careful to stay away from any abandoned cars.

Adrian signaled Cesar to stop, then motioned towards the ground with an open palm.

He brought his binoculars to bear on the gas station. In the front were two gas pumps, plus a diesel pump for trucks near the side of the store. It was just a little mom-and-pop venture, not part of any major chain. Various signs were plastered in the windows:

LOW LOW PRICES ON BEER, CIGARETTES, AND SODA!

LOTTERY TICKETS SOLD HERE

BUY ANY 3 QUARTS CASTROL MOTOR OIL, GET ONE FREE!

No more gas here. Go east for evac. God be with you.


From what he could see through the windows, the little shop appeared to be picked clean as if by ravenous buzzards, although he saw no signs of violence. The owners had probably packed what they could and abandoned the place when the gasoline ran out.

Adrian pointed at his eyes, made a square motion with his index fingers, pointed left with his thumb, and then motioned forward to the gas station

Let's move up, you watch the windows to the left of the door.

They moved forward, weapons up. When they reached the gas pumps, Adrian motioned for them to stop once gain. He turned to Cesar, and pointed to the ground with his index finger and made a circular motion, and pointed towards the right corner of the building

Clear the perimeter, move counterclockwise around the building. Go!

The moved around the outside of the building, checking all windows. When they arrived back at the front, Adrian pantomimed a door opening motion, and pointed right with his thumb.

Clear the store, you cover the right side.

They entered the store, and it was indeed as bare as it had appeared from a distance. They moved from aisle to aisle, each one as bare as the last. Even in the midst of a crisis, could not imagine why the entire inventory would be cleared out. Food and other supplies were understandable, but even all the little toys and useless knick-knacks were absent. Perhaps people needed something, anything, to remind them of how things were Before. As for Adrian, anything leftover that wasn't edible or couldn't be used to "kill" Zed was just a painful reminder of the way things would never be. He didn't keep any old family photos, or keepsakes, or heirlooms. That was all dead weight, part of a past that no longer mattered. He would forgo people as well if he didn't have to depend on them to survive.

They continued clearing the store, and converged on the single restroom in the back of the store, adjacent to the beer cooler.

What I wouldn't do for a cold beer right about now..., Adrian thought.

Adrian looked at Cesar, and made a hook with his index finger.

Be ready to fire.

Adrian slowly pushed the door open, pointing his .22 through the opening. The first thing he noticed was the smell.

"Dios mio, that is rank!" said Cesar, plugging his nose. Adrian had to try not to gag.

There was a corpse of a man who appeared to be in his mid 30's handcuffed to the railing near the toilet, a rather nasty looking bite mark on its arm. The corpse wasn't trying to kill them, so Adrian had guessed that this poor soul had been bitten by an animal of some type, but the people who saw the bite weren't taking any chances. He could only guess there was some sort of police officer involved in this mans fate due to the handcuffs.

"Alright, this place is dry. We're clear, let's get out of here and keep moving towards that town. We're burning daylight," said Adrian.

Adrian was almost right. The place was dry, of supplies or anything useful at least. As they were leaving, the torso of a corpse was dragging itself out from behind the counter, feral moans escaping from its decaying mouth. Although this once-human was out to kill them, the men were not too worried about it.

"Cesar, do the honors?"

Cesar nodded, and walked towards the undead thing, and leveled the muzzle of the silenced .22 at the forehead of the beast.

"Descansa en paz, amigo," he said with a tinge of perhaps sadness or regret, and put a slug through what was once a human brain, and then picked up the expended shell casing and put it in his pocket.

"Alright," said Adrian. "Stay frosty, there could be more."

What far too many people seemed to not know about Zed was the daisy chain effect of the moaning sound that most of them made. When one of them moaned, another nearby would hear it, and in turn would moan, and so on and so forth, so one undead corpse had the potential to attract every zombie within several miles. Adrian checked his watch. 8:15 am. They proceeded outside, went back to the pickup to grab their gear, and walked east.

 

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Meaning of life? What meaning
The world is meaningless, there is no God or gods, there are no morals, the universe is not moving inexorably towards any higher purpose. All meaning is man-made, so make your own, and make it well. Do not treat life as a way to pass the time until you die. Do not try to "find yourself", you must make yourself. Choose what you want to find meaningful and live, create, love, hate, cry, destroy, fight and die for it. Do not let your life and your values and you actions slip easily into any mold, other than that which you create for yourself, and say with conviction, "This is who I make myself". Do not give in to hope. Remember that nothing you do has any significance beyond that with which you imbue it. Whatever you do, do it for its own sake. When the universe looks on with indifference, laugh, and shout back, "Fuck You!". Remember that to fight meaninglessness is futile, but fight anyway, in spite of and because of its futility.
The world may be empty of meaning, but it is a blank canvas on which to paint meanings of your own. Live deliberately. You are free.
 

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They ruined my car. Let me say that again. THEY RUINED MY FUCKING CAR.

Couple days ago, I take it in for an oil change. I'm driving to work, and it breaks down on me. I figured it was just a broken belt or something. Nope, see, when they changed the oil, they took out the old oil and...well, that's all they did. They didn't put any new oil in. Forgot, I guess? anyway, as a result, the engine seized up and is completely fucked. A new engine is going to cost at least $5000. But do you think I'M paying for that? fuck no, I'm gonna sue the shit out of them. Fuck that place, and don't ever take your car there to get an oil change because they may ruin your car.
 

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Forty of them
40 Secrets - Be honest no matter what.

ONE: Who was your last text from?
I don't get texts - no cell phone

TWO: Where was your default pic taken at?
In my room

THREE: What's your middle name?
Blaine

FOUR: Your current relationship status?
perpetually single

FIVE: Does your crush like you back?
I don't know anymore, but probably not.

SIX: What is your current mood?
lethargic

SEVEN: What's your moms name?
Mariah

EIGHT: What color shirt are you wearing?
Blue

NINE: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Not my first choice, but I wouldn't say no. Only because it's been so long since I kissed anyone.

TEN: If you could go back in time and change something,would you?
Time is not linear, if I changed something it would only be changed in that parallel universe, nothing would be different in the universe I belonged to.

ELEVEN: Have a crazy side?
Maybe?

TWELVE: Ever had a near death experience?
Does a car accident count?

THIRTEEN: Something you do a lot?
Lament about life

FOURTEEN: Angry at anyone?
I'm too lethargic to be angry.

FIFTEEN: Do you wanna see somebody right now?
Yeah, but at the same time I don't want anyone to see me, so...no I guess.

SEVENTEEN: When was the last time you cried?
I dunno...when I was 12?

EIGHTEEN: Who would you do anything for?
Whoever would do anything for me, which is probably no one.

NINETEEN: Who is your hero?
I have more than one, so I'll just name a random one. Charles Darwin.

TWENTY: What is the one thing you notice about the opposite sex first?
Face, hair.

TWENTY-TWO: What's your biggest secret?
If I told you, it wouldn't be a secret would it?

TWENTY-THREE: Where is your ex?
I don't know and I don't care.

TWENTY-FOUR: Would you ever take them back?
No

TWENTY-FIVE: Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
Yeah, I watch pixar movies.

TWENTY-SIX: What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
Nothing

TWENTY-SEVEN: Do you speak any other languages?
Small bits of german.

TWENTY-EIGHT: Whats your favorite smell?
Marijuana.

THIRTY: Do you pick your nose?
If we weren't meant to pick our noses, why would our fingers fit so well into our nostrils? Think about it...

THIRTY-ONE: Do you like the rain?
Sometimes.

THIRTY-TWO: What are you thinking about right now?
getting another tattoo

THIRTY-THREE: What should you be doing right now?
Nothing, I put in my hours and I have tomorrow off. This is my time to do as I see fit, which means I will be doing nothing.

THIRTY-FOUR: What is your favorite memory?
Most of the time spent in Idaho. Sure, I was cold, broke, and hungry most of the time but I had good friends and had lots of fun and was happy.

THIRTY-FIVE: What are you listening to?
Nothing yet

THIRTY-SIX: Who was the last person you told i love you to?
I don't know, it's been awhile since I've been loved.

THIRTY-SEVEN: Who was the last person you yelled at?
probably my damn cat, for forcing open my bedroom door (i hate when he does that)

THIRTY-EIGHT: Do you act differently around the person you like?
I'm never around anyone I 'like'

THIRTY-NINE: What is your natural hair color?
Brown

FORTY: Who was the last person to make you smile?
I don't remember. I smile alot, but it's not real smiles. Well, not from real happiness anyway. Can't remember the last time I had any of that.
 

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Awesome halloween
Costumes+wedding+camping+friends+weed+alcohol+LSD= Best combination ever
 

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Surprises are good
I like coming home from a shitty day at work to find that my mom has bought me some beer. =}
 

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R.I.P.
My cat died sometime last night. We found her this morning. I'm not sure how it happened. I don't really know what to say about it.
 

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So i went to the warped tour...some of the bands were actually good. among my favorites were NoFx, Less Than Jake (i met their bassist and we talked for a few minutes), Helmet, Antiflag, and, although i hate to admit it *gulp*, thursday was alright too. I got some sunburns because i was out in the sun all day....hmm...im sure theres more, i may put up more details later.

anyway, about those details.

Helmet is just about the loudest fucking band i have ever heard. but it may have had something to do with me standing about 15 feet away from the one of the main speaker sets.

Antiflag was being their usual selves, preaching anti government stuff, and kicked alot of ass.

Less Than Jake was cool, they made everyone start this big moving figure 8 mosh pit and it was cool. I also talked to their bassist for awhile, and im pretty sure he was high.

NoFx was really funny and wrapped up the show nicely.

I won some free shirts and hats and stuff while i was there too.

Another thing, the beverages and shit are fucking expensive. A Lemonade cost me like, 5 fucking dollars. it was a big lemonade but seriously. 5 FUCKING BUCKS!!! And it was like more than half ice. O well tho. at least refills were half price.

Overall, the show was alot better than i expected.
 

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And what makes it sooo goddamned funny is that he passed

 

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I R t3h S@an!!!111one
This is a little late, but if it counts for anything, i DID make this picture on 060606. note the 1337 speak for the title, is simply to mock those who hyped up the date like morons.

 

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The Green Fields Of France
The Green Fields Of France

Oh how do you do young Willy McBride?
Do you mind if I sit here down by your graveside?
And rest for awhile in the warm summer sun
I've been walking all day and I'm nearly done
And I see by your gravestone you were only 19
when you joined the great falling in 1916
Well I hope you died quick
and I hope you died clean
Or, Willy McBride, was it slow and obscene?

Did they beat the drums slowly?
Did they play the fife lowly?
Did they sound the death march, as they lowered you down?
Did the band play the last post and chorus?
Did the pipes, play the flowers of the forest?

And did you leave a wife, or a sweetheart behind?
In some loyal heart, is your memory enshrined?
And, though you died back in 1916
to that loyal heart you're forever 19
Or are you a stranger without even a name?
Forever enshrined behind some old glass pane?
In an old photograph, torn, tattered, and stained
And faded to yellow in a brown leather frame

Did they beat the drums slowly?
Did they play the fife lowly?
Did they sound the death march, as they lowered you down?
Did the band play the last post and chorus?
Did the pipes play the flowers of the forest?

The sun's shining down on these green fields of france
The warm wind blows gently and the red poppies dance
The trenches vanished, long under the plow
No gas, no barbed wire, no guns firing now
But here in this graveyard that's still no mans land
The countless white crosses in mute witness stand
To mans blind indifference
to his fellow man
And a whole generation were butchered and damned

Did they beat the drums slowly?
Did they play the fife lowly?
Did they sound the death march, as they lowered you down?
Did the band play the last post and chorus?
Did the pipes play the flowers of the forest?

And I can't help but wonder, young Willy McBride
Do all those who lie here know why they died?
Did you really believe when they told you the cause?
Did you really believe that this war would end wars?
The suffering, the sorrow, the glory, the pain
The killing, and dying, it was all done in vain
Oh, Willy McBride it all happened again
and again, and agian, and again, and again

Did they beat the drums slowly?
Did they play the fife lowly?
Did they sound the death march, as they lowered you down?
Did the band play the last post and chorus?
Did the pipes play the flowers of the forest?
 

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Sober

- Sober - Tool -

There's a shadow just behind me
shrouding every step I take
making every promise empty
pointing every finger at me

waiting like a stalking butler
who upon the finger rests
murder now, the path is "must we"
just because the son has come

Jesus, won't you fucking whistle
something but the past has done?

Why can we not be sober?
I just want to start this over
Why can't we drink forever?
I just want to start things over

I am just a worthless liar
I am just an imbisile
I will only complicate you
trust in me and fall as well

I will find a center in you
I will chew it up and leave
I will work to elevate you
just enough to bring you down

Trust me...

Mother Mary won't you wisper
Something but what's past and done?

Why can we not be sober?
I just want to start this over
Why can't we sleep forever?
I just want to start things over

Trust me...

I want what I want

 

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