Today has been the worst day ever. I'm not even exaggerating.
I'm going to keep this short, and just let you know the jist of what's up.

I found out my Uncle, my Mom's brother, has been diagnosed with cancer in his lower spine. I was with my Grandma and she got a phone call from my aunt. Right away I knew something was wrong. I don't know if it was instinct or the look on her face. My Grandma's the type of lady who likes to be strong for the rest of the family. Her worried eyes triggered something in my body. My heart sank into my stomach asking for the results. Right then she said "it's not good news...." AH. I don't even know. She went to go see him while I was left at her house, trying to keep myself busy, cleaning up the best I could. Hours passed, and my Grandma returned. Not even ten minutes later my Mom showed up. Completely unaware of her brother's condition. She came to tell my Grandma and I some news as well. My Grandma got the first words, told my Mom as calmly as she could. As I was in the other room trying to avoid anyone so I wouldn't break down; I hear my Mom curse, followed by a shaky voice and some sniffles. I go over to hug her, instantly, I break down-- just like I knew I would.

We got to talking, she kept repeating every so often, "God, and we need him SO much, he's got so much going for him, everyone relies on him." That's just it Mom, times like this, we have to realize that he needs us, he needs everyone to be there for him. We need to pray, and just stay positive. Not feed into the negativity of this awful disease.

Whoever may read this blog, please keep my Uncle in your prayers, he needs it more than ever. I pray that he stays strong, that the rest of my family, and his wife and kids stay strong. Thank you.

once upon a blog,

ok well the thing is, not much has happened the past week. I've been avoiding a guy who i know "likes" me, lol because he's 24 and i'm 18 lol, yaaa idk either!!:S

other than that i've basically just been trying to keep up with homework. continuing to give my teachers sarcastic attitudes, but i know for a fact they like it, it amuses them. haha not to mention, I went out for sushi with Tyler W, Mercedes T, Katie G, Jane G, and Taylor P, haha and ended up running into the biology teacher + my old soccer coach. She was dining eating some vegetarian sushi with Lytton's soccer coach lol, made me say wtf.

After that, we went to Jane's hockey game, against Kelowna, which they ended up losing really badly. But i'm proud of Jane, didn't get a penalty until the second period. It sucks that it seemed as if the only girls who had their whole heart and head in the game were Jana M, and Tish (aka Noodle). oh well, at least there was a lot of people there to keep me company on the stands. Jami D and Melissa, tisk tisk for what you had hidden in your coffee mugs!!!


that guy keeeepsss fucking texting me "why aren't you talking to meee"

OH OH OH =] but on a side note, last night (sat) I made a playlist of songs i used to not only listen to, but love back in grade 8- 10. It makes me giggle a bit on the inside. haha, I listened to pretty intense music!

at home bored today. i know i need to shower, but i just don't wannnaa!!!

on a side note, omg jeremy twitch!!!
amazing.

"Some day you will look at your friend, and he will seem to you to be a little out of drawing, or you won't like his tone of colour, or something."
- Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray Ch. 1


I realize that writing a blog may be a good solution to the way i handle things. I need to start finding outlets to certain downer moods.
Lately, I've been feeling distant from everyone. Including the people I would call my best friends. I'm not quite sure what made me feel like this, if it is truly in fact just what happens when you grow up.
I'm 18, and basically "grown up" or should be close to being grown up, yet I don't feel like I'm close to being grown up AT ALL. Give me the definition of being grown up. What makes someone an adult?
Anyways, I'm not quite sure what else to say, my brain is beyond scattered. I just wish it didn't feel like i was drifting away from the people who i grew up with; the one's I'd say, made me, me.

jacked from alex f's profile[/i][/size]

My Goddess - Carmen McAnulty
My Secret Admirer -
My Lovely -
My Homie- Sarah Bo Barah
My beautiful -
My Loser - Amy Deconti (Lampost haha)
My Bestfriend(s) -
My Babe -
My Partner In Crime - Jullian Greenman
My Doll - Christin Higginbottom
My Boyfriend - Caity Maier
My Wonderwomen - Lindsay Miller
My Slut -Tony Rose
My Superman - Erik Gutierrez
My Always -
My Bitch -
My Hoe - Cory Larochelle
My Gangster -Denyse Anderson
My Sunshine -Zoey Leach
My Buddie -
My Monster -
My Retard - DJ Yaremchuk
My Lover -
My Smile -
My Everything - Paige Gray
My Life -
My Sister -
My Friend -
My Better Half - Belinda Phung
*My Spider(Woman) - Rachel Vasey
*My HB(horny bitch) - Olivia Skagos
*My Mickey Avalon - Alex Farah
*My Homie G - Natasha BEM
*creative
make your own if you want

click the band names for more info

a few concerts i need people to come with:



A few concerts i AM going to:
[/size][/font]

i fucking adore us[/u]
friends from the beginning
and friends til the ma-fackin end
ps; no one can rock that dora the explorer
haircut like us bitches. you can try, but sorry,
we'll still make that hair look cooler.

boyslikegirls, the used, coheed and cambria, bayside, circa survive, thursday,amber pacific, anberlin, cute is what we aim for, escape the fate, funeral for a friend,haste the day,hawthorne heights,the matches, my american heart,new found glory,paramore,pennywise,scary kids scaring kids, the spill canvas,the starting line,the unseen, yellowcard,the almost

and a ton of other bands i dont know

Small, simple, safe price.
Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets.
This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals.
And I am not afraid to die.
I'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight.
I want the pain of payment.
What's left, but a section of pigmy size cuts.
Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks.
Would you be my little cut?
Would you be my thousand fucks?
And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid.
To fill, and spill over, and under my thoughts.
My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter.
I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart.
Love is not like anything.
Especially a fucking knife.

::: k i r s ten says:
today im wearing no makeup
olivia athanasia. says:
wow
::: k i r s ten says:
because i felt like it was stupid to do that on a monday
::: k i r s ten says:
but then i got to school
::: k i r s ten says:
and my drama teacher tells me i had to do my readers theatre play..
olivia athanasia. says:
i always try to look good on mondays. and by friday i look like a bag lady
::: k i r s ten says:
hahahah
::: k i r s ten says:
screw that biatch
::: k i r s ten says:
you can never look bad
::: k i r s ten says:
even if you did look like a bag lady.. you were a like a chanel or marc jacobs bag lady
olivia athanasia. says:
lmao
olivia athanasia. says:
that was a good compliment

YOUR NEX:
1. Is your username from a song?: yeah
2. Do you have over 100 friends?: mhm
3. Do you have pictures of yourself?: of cours
4. Do you get 1-3 comments every day?: rarely lmao

WOULD YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS:
1. Sleep in the same bed?: yes sir
2. Rob a bank?: lol hmm
3. Team up together and kill someone?: depends.. i don't think we'd "kill" someone. but we do like hiding behind garbage cans and jumping out and making the grade 8's shit their pants from being so scared

IN YOUR ROOM:
1. Do you have wood, floor or carpet?: carpet
2. Are your walls painted bright colors?: meh
3. Do you have artwork hanging up on the walls?: posters
4. Do you have clothes on the floor?: yeah...
5. Do you have a hidden stash of candy somewhere?: lol yeah, somewhere.
6. Do you have your own TV?: NO
7. Do you have over 100 CDs?: lol c'mon get real..
i used to, but they all ran away
8. Do you have a bunch of pictures of bands and celebrities?: sure

WOULD YOU EVER:
1. Sing a solo?: NO
2. Take an hour-long shower?: lol i always have long showers
3. Smoke pot just to be cool?: nope
4. Spend all night on homework?: nope

DO YOU LIKE:

1. More than one person?: hm, sure
2. Daisies? lol....
3. To paint your fingernails?: i used to all the time, but now i don't.
4. Music?: LMFAO you don't even have to ask you silly billy. of course i like music. no no, i love[/b] music!
5. Black raspberry ice cream?: wha? since when did they make black raspberry ice cream lol?
6. The beach?: yeahhhh
7. Cats?: mhm

NOW:
1. Is your hair up?: nah uh
2. Is your phone right beside you?: lol yeah
3. Do you wish you were somewhere else? meh, i'm very content at the moment.
4. Are you cold?: no sir-ee
5. Are you excited?: for what?
6. Are you watching T.V.?: no
7. Recently done anything you regret?: i can't remember
8. Ever lied?: yeah heh
9. Ever trip over your own feet?: all the time
10. Ever thrown up because you cried so hard?: no

THIS WEEK:
1. Have any planns? yupp
2. Have you yelled at someone?: uhh, like mean or just kidding type of yell?
3. Have you cried? uhh no i don't think so
4. Have you called more than 3 people?: mhm

RANDOM:
1. First thing you did this morning?: brushed my teeth
2. Do you consider yourself good looking?: meh
3. Do you have a crush?: yah
4. What's something you look forward to in the next six weeks: uhh let me check my schedual... working at camp during spring break, tbs+underoath concert with caity
5. What's annoying you right now?: the dryer and the fact that my toes are cold

::: k i r s ten says:
sweet,lets be friends
DeeGe... says:
ok
::: k i r s ten says:
rad
::: k i r s ten says:
dj!!
::: k i r s ten says:

DeeGe... says:
what??
::: k i r s ten says:
miss you
DeeGe... says:
I LOVE YOU!!!!
DeeGe... says:
I WANT YOU, KIRSTEN
DeeGe... says:
I WANT YYYOOOOUUUU!!!
DeeGe... says:
ya that makes it awkward, dont it?
::: k i r s ten says:
....lmao,i'm not going to say anything
::: k i r s ten says:
that was just weird
DeeGe... says:
oh ya
DeeGe... says:
but i g2g
DeeGe... says:
i'll leave you to think about what just happened

poem from the perks of being a wallflower
(my most favorite book EVER)


"once on a yellow piece of paper,
he wrote a poem
and he called it "chops"
because that was the name of his dog.
and that's what it was about
and his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
and his mother hung it on he door
and read it to his aunts
that was the year father tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
and let them sing on the bus
that was the year his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
and his mother and father kissed a lot
" and the girl around the corner sent him a
valentine signed with a row of x's
and he had to ask his father what the x's meant
and his father always tucked him in at night
and was always there to do it
once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem called "autumn"
because that was the name of the season
snd that's what it was all about
and his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
and the kids told him
that father tracy smoked cigars
and left butts on the pews
and sometimes they would burn holes
that was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
and the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see santa claus
and the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
and his father never tucked him in at night
and got mad
when he cried for him to do it
once on a piece of paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
called "innocence; a question"
because that was the question about his girl
and that's what is was all about
and his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
becaue he never showed her
that was the year that father tracy died
and he forgot how the end
of apostle's creed went
and he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
and his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
and the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
that made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
and at three a.m he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly
that's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
and he called it "absolutely nothing"
because that's what it was really about
and he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
and he hung it on that bathroom door
because he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen