ITs the weirdest feeling you know, to be caught between wanting and dreading....yet i feel as though there is turn to this road. So long ive been living the same day, i feel like Bill Murray in Groundhog DAy...i seriously do. Work, party, work, sleep, party...its becoming so that im enjoying the same thing over and over again...still expecting somthing to happen.
Well somthing is happeing, my flight on saturday to europe. Going alone means freedom, complete independence, and a frightful feeling of aimlessness that will dwell in my stomach. "a fever you cant sweat out" so to speak i guess. luckily im blessed with my awareness of people and opportunity...i have a job lined up that might take off...or not.
either way im left with an experience that will add to the mosaic of a young person that has yet to become fit.
I am so sad to leave everyone here that has become my friend, or has not, becuase you not only live here with me as a person, but as a feeling you give me. Trials of human connection is what really shapes us...
Farewell to all my friends and i will see you again in 6 months (or not) and lets see who we are then.

BYE SUCKERS

And im getting ready i hope i ate enough
becuase the ride is goin to be long...dear god like it would stay
but i know that if i dont
i will be sorry
Please please is what your saying, although your not moving your mouth.
dont look at me that way...we've done this before

And i hope that when i get there
i can look outside and say
that i deserved for what ive managed
didnt come easily right away

and i will let you love me
i will let you do
and i will let you love me

So when i call you for the frist time
please ignore the scratchy voice
see ive been smoking marl and drinking
since i landed last week
After i say i love you
just hang up dont say it back
i dont need that on my mind...let alone in my ears

and i will let you love me
i will let you do
and i will let you love me

just when im away from you