I'm sitting here thinking, i did it to myself.
No one is to blame, but me.
I know i have put you through a lot,
worry,doubt, just never knowing if I'll make it alive through the day.
Well, i have to say it takes time but i am slowly realizing that "it's not you it's me" I know i am reckless sometimes, but i like to probe my curiosity.
Sometimes you know, i really wish i had matured younger, so i wouldn't have had to put you through hard times, it all could have been avoided if only i had knows sooner what i had been doing...and what I'm still doing to you..
it hurts so much to know i hurt you, because i couldn't see through the euphoric
room i made myself. And now, i have lost many friends.. and more than friends, And that makes me want to stay in that room even more, and it's just a vicious cycle. I need to learn how to break the cycle, a way that is close at hand, one where i can...see the results or i might give up,
because a room of euphoria sounds better than a long time of hurt and hard work and determination. I need something to hold on to, friends, family
health, and respect and inner peace /Love within oneself.

i know not a lot of people like to read long blogs like this but, i can't help myself when i get thinking a tad.