You're my sunshine on all my rainy days
The light at the end of the tunnel

The perfect ending to this story
The could have been, the should have been
and they everything in between

my heart wasnt quite what you were looking for
So it was locked away to keep just for emergencies


Right now the world is pouring down upon you
And I'm thousands of miles away
Yet I will still try to be your sunshine

I would rather a good book than a boyfriend
A secret realm all my own to a lover
A whirlwind adventure to bonds

Maybe I'm the odd one out
Maybe I got sick of waiting for the prince
Maybe I knew all along this was how I wanted it

But its not a tragic tale for me
No it is not sorrows that fill this story
It is beauty that surround me

And truly I couldn't be happier about this

what a surreal moment..

Yesterday marked 5 years yet a lifetime has passed
A moment hanging in the balance that seems to have happened
in another life, in another place and to a different girl

The date is written in ink on my skin
Yet I dont need a skin reminder

It was early in the am
I was writing a french exam
and i knew the moment you left
I felt it in my heart
a brick fell upon my chest and I couldnt breathe

I knew the moment I saw their car in the parking lot that it was true
Everything from there on left a fog
Tear stains were my constant mask

Now 5 years have passed
And the sting still lingers
I can no longer remember how you use to smell
But I can hear your voice inside my head
The feeling of your embrace is somewhat foggy
But your image is burned into my brain

I'm afraid that in 5 more years I won't remember your voice
And all my memories will seem wrong

they told me the infection is mild
but the medication is another thing

my stomach aches in ways it has never
my mind falters and the world flashes before me

This isnt fair, stress causes it I know
But its their stress not mine
why does it leak over

does it make me bad for wanting to be as far away as possible?

when the bomb hits I dont wanna be standing here waving a white flag

i wont forget you but i cant be near you

I dont want to talk about it i just need my time to mourn
to cry and scream
to kick and fight
and hate

hatred will seep out of me until i can finally breathe again

i just.. i feel so lost right now
yet all i want is to be alone
to be alone and to be able to sort this all out

i feel like a horrid human being
and all i can do is cry right now

and i dont even know why

It seems like the past 20 years just spin in front of my mind as i think of it
how much was shaded grey and now how it all comes to life and i see the truth

why am i so angry at you
i mean i just read my childhood stories through your memory
and now i cant seem to hate myself
this is alll rambles for i dont want to discuss it

living inside your head makes it so much easier to go on

Currently I should be more concerned as one packs their bags
And another is gone
yet all i do is play lord of the rings remixes
and my online games

I am not heartless
I am diseased
And it festers with stress

Death does not suit me well
So I bury myself instead with imagination

But I know I'll have to race around and fix it all

these past few days have been wonderful

solved a few issues
spending everyday and falling asleep next to the boy that makes me smile

going to the movies tonight with good friends
two days off work to recover
and soon payday

With a 9 hour shift looming infront of me
All I can think of is how excited I am
You're going to be here in less than 10 hours
Soon we will be living together
And we will have 4 months of amazing adventures

Also my forms are in transit right now which leaves me on the edge of my seat
Finished another book
And having such creative ideas

Sadly tomorrow I have to work instead of going to the funeral
So I'm rather disappointed in that

I am physically so exhausted
Work this week has been brutal
My poor feet are covered in sores
And my back is aching
But alas its all worth it
Every minute gets me closer to my goals

Only 2 more days of work
14 hours of work left
Than I can rest