happy birthday to me...

I MiSs YoU

I found two roommates forwhen I move to california, I just hope they are taking it as serious as I am. I cannot not wait to leave, but leaving you back here will be nearly impssible for me to do.

I hope you die bitch!

B.D.

Talking to her is always ridiculous

I learned so much shit from her, but I now have an even harder time trusting people.

I learned how to forgive and forget.

I learned that love makes you feel on top of the world with happiness.

However.. I also learned the feeling you get when you lose that love

Everyday I think about you. Everyday I miss you. Everyday I wake up and put on a face. Everyday I do my best to hide my depression. EVERYDAY.

One of these days, I will give up. Something will happen to me. It will be entirely your fault. But I won't blame it on you. To me, it was fate. You mean everything to me no matter who you are with right now. I know how much you love him, and I respect that.

Maybe I should just let you go. It kills me to not be able to tell you how much I love you.


A.B.

You have no confidence in yourself, but I trust you with my life. I do love you with my entire heart. With all of the broken pieces even.

I wish you could help me mend my heart back together. Fate isn't on my side but I will never give up on you. You are all I really have left. I need you.

Sometimes I am crazy with anger, but I would never harm you. No matter how angry/depressed I am, I wouldn't lay a finger on you. Everytime I see you smile or hear you laugh, I become nothing but happy.

You are the most amazing girl I have evr met. You get put through so much shit yet you are still standing strong. I envy you. When my life gets dark you light it up. Since I haven't seen you for two weeks, maybe even more, I am drenched in dark. I am drowning inside all of the blackness. It's a neverending hole, it gets darker and darker everyday. If there is a bottom I'm almost there.

I will die from impact. Please save me from this hole. Wake me up from this nightmare.

Hope

Why do people tell you they love u when they don't!!!! Fuck it hurts me so much, i just need the truth. Please, you know who you are, just tell me the truth!!

She told me she loved me, she left with my enemy.
if only she could see, how bad that she's killing me!

baby the blame is all on you, oh no this cannot be true.
You smashed apart my heart. and you made it fall apart.
you moved so very damn far, that i couldn't get with a car.
every night i wish on the sky, that i could just make you mine.

for an entire fucking year, i fell in love with her cheer.
now i want to disappear, and never shed another tear.

baby the blame is all on you,oh no this cannot be true.
You smashed apart my heart. and you made it fall apart.
you moved so very damn far, that i couldn't get with a car.
every night i wish on the sky, that i could just make you mine.

It's another fucking day but the pain still hasn't strayed.
Now I wanna run away, but then i'll miss your pretty face!

baby the blame is not on you, too bad this is so be true.
You smashed apart my heart. and i let it fall apart.
you moved so very damn far, now i wish upon a bright star.
that i could make you mine.

A withered past and a blurry future,
My hearts on an auction,
It goes out to the highest bid.

I live to fast, and I know I will lose her,
But there is an option, to die is to live in her head.

So I'll hang on, never let go.
I dug this pain into my chest.

It's dead
One last chance to reverse this curse,
You stole my heart but I had it first.
And now I see you've got something to prove,
And nothing to lose, so let me tell you the truth.

A deadly wish but it should've come sooner,
A corpse in a funeral that I would never attend.
There is a light on in the back of this house,
But you're not around, to die is to live in her head.

So I'll hang on, never let go.
I dug this pain into my chest.

It's dead
One last chance to reverse this curse,
You stole my heart but I had it first.
And now I see you've got something to prove,
And nothing to lose so let me tell you the truth.

So, this goes, out to, the ones that fall in love,
And to, the girl, that filled my dark.

Last night I had the weirdest dream,
That you and I drove off the darkest streets,
Passing through these city lights,
Closure for the kids that died.

One last chance to reverse this curse,
You stole my heart but I had it first,
And now I see you've got something to prove,
And nothing to lose so let me tell you the truth.

So, this goes, out to, the ones that fall in love.
And to, the girl, that filled, my, dark.

1. Did you take a test today?
This one...

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
I don't like hoodies but if I did it'd be blacvk

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Umm... no

4. Do you plan outfits?
Hell no lol actually sometimes Bahaha

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Upset

6. Ever have a burping competition?
Ha yeah...show me a guy who hasn't..

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having.
OMFG!!! Awesome!! Dawn of the dead was real and I was killing zombies and stoled a black corvette and broke into a bunch of car shops and pimped it out...

8. What are you craving right now?
Pop lol

9. Do you floss?
Nope

10. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Eww

11. Would you dance to the taco song?
Umm... huh

12. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Nope... Couldn't get passed a hundred..

13. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Lick

14. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Umm... Myself... If anyone reads this and doesn't understand it... just wait and see.

15. Do you like cottage cheese?
Somewhat lol it gets gross quick

16. Who are you listening to right now?
Deliver Us From Evil by Bullet

17. How many countries have you visited?
Canadia!!

18. Are your parents strict?
Omg! yess

19. Would you go sky diving?
Yeah lol

20. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
If he was actually as cool as he is on Harold and Kumar lol

21. Would you throw potatoes at him?
Pfff.... Did a retard create that question?

22. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in?
Yepp

23. Do you rent movies often?
Nahh

24. Who sits beside you in your English class?
Puckey and Roxy and Josh

25. Can you count backwards from 74?
Yep

26. Who are you going to be with tonight?
Prob no one

27. Brown or white eggs?
Pizza

28. Ever been on a train?
Nope

29. Would you trade your parents for your friends parents?
Omg Cody's mom told him to take a break from homework and play wii wit me and zach!

30. What is your best friend doing tomorrow?
I dunno..prob work

31. Ever have cream puffs?
Umm... Not that I can remember

32. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Unfortunately.. Yes..

33. What was the last question you asked?
Question 21

34. What was the last CD you bought?
Rise against

35. Boys or girls?
Girls

36. What do your parents do for a living?
Work at a school

37. Is your hair curly?
Nope

38. Last time you cried?
A while ago

39. Ever walked into a wall?
Haha yepp

40. Have you ever bought anything from Pac Sun?
English please..

41. Favorite time of the year?
Summer

42. Favorite color?
Black

43. Do you have any tattoos?
Almost

44. The next person you’ll hold hands with… will it mean anything?
Nahh

45. Do you sleep with the TV on?
Nope

46. Where was your default picture taken at?
I dunno a hockey game

47. Do you like your life right now?
Nope

49. Do you have good vision?
Perfect

50. Can you hula hoop?
Nope

52. Do you have a job?
Yepp

53. What are you wearing?
Black shirt and jeans

54. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Uhh yeah probly

55. Can you handle the truth?
Yeahh

56. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Pepsi

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
Every night

58. Do you hate/dislike more than 3 people?
Yepp

59. Have you ever slapped someone?
Ha yea

60. Do looks matter?
You have to be attracted to someone to fall in love with them..

61. Do you use chap stick?
No

62. Are you too forgiving?
yepp

63. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
Nope

64. Do you own a gun?
Yeah lol

65. Have you made prank phone calls?
Hell yeah

66. Do you like your hair?
Nahh

67. Do you like yourself?
Nope

68. Are you emotional?
Yepp

69. When was the last time you talked on msn?
Couple mins ago

70. Did you meet anybody new today?
Not yet

71. Whats the closest thing to you thats red?
Hockey equipment

What's happening to me?
I'm dying from the inside, but it hurts too much to feel...

1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?
Telling them.. I look at the floor usually... :S

2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry/ sad. Why were you angry/ sad?
Tuesday night, because I'm suspended for 5 hocey games..

3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You get enough time to make ONE phone call. Who would you call?
Kibou..

4. You are at the doctor's office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. What would you do? Nothing... Probably just try live the rest of it.


5. You can have one of the following two things: trust/love. Which do you choose?
You need trust to love... and u need to love someone to trust.. that is my opinion

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you save it?
Yeah... I work at sobeys hahahahahahahahahahaha

7. You are unfaithful to your spouse/significant other. Do you tell him/her?
Yepp..

9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. Do you do it?
Yeah... She had a whole life to live still.. I would give her my entre life.

10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
Uhh... No not really...

12. Your boss tells your co-worker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee.You have been there much longer. Your co-worker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss?
Hell yeah... i would tell her off so hardcore!

13. When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you feel?
A couple weeks ago... :S

14. What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?
That I don't love them back

15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?
Kibou... She is always there for me.

16. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
Like a couple weeks ago.. And never got a reply... i hate my life.

17. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, if you HAD to, even if you have "no regrets" what would you change back?
I would have helped her at the fair..

18. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?
Kibou

20. You are holding onto your grandmother's hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other which one would it be?
Newborn..

21. Are you old fashioned?
Not rele lol

22. Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a heartbreak or have never loved before?
Heartbreak..

23. If you could do anything OR wish anything, what would it be?
I wish I was the person I want to be..

WRITE EXACTLY WHATS ON YOUR MIND, AND DONT CHANGE IT

I'm tired of:
pretending i have a chance

I am listening to:
savior by rise against
Maybe I should:
text her...

I have lost ALL trust for:
no one.... forgive and forget....

I last ate:
pizza pop i think

The meaning of my display name is:
Blud- is the blood inside me...
rain- is my broken heart bleeding...

Love is:
The best and worst thing in life

Today:
pen exploded in my new jeans :S

Tomorrow:
i have to spend 5 hours in hell.... i hate my job...

QUESTIONS:

Is your hair wet?
no... gelled tho

Is your cell phone right by you?
yeah lol


Do you miss someone?
Ummm...i miss and need someone...


Are you wearing chap stick?
hell no lol


Are you tired?
thanks for reminding me...


Are you wearing pajamas?
nope...jeans tho

Are you mad:
no


Are you upset?
nah

LASTS..

Last drink?
water

Last phone call?
Greg

Last time you cried?
i dunno

Does it matter if your gf/bf smokes?
yes...

Last person you texted?
a very special girrl


Have you been to New York City?
no


Who is the last person you added to your contats list in your phone?
how the hell do i know... does anyone keep track of this lol


Do you think you've made a difference in anyone's life?
i am trying but not yet


Have you ever tattooed anyone's name on you?
no


How many piercings do you have?
none


Have you ever found more than a dollar in a random place?
yeah i found a 50 dollar bill in a bike path when i was like 7 or 8 hehehe so much candy


Do you know anyone addicted to anything?
yea

Where is the person you like at right now?
at school

where is/are your pet/pets right now?
at my house

What color phone do you have?
black....krzr

Have you eaten popcorn in the last 48 hours?
hell no lol

What were you doing at 7AM?
thinking about her..

How do you feel?
happy and sad...

When was the last time you talked to your number 1??
wut the hell is my number 1? lol

Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
warm

Where are you right now?
computer room


What time did you go to sleep last night?
i dunno around 12:30 i think


What/who woke you up today?
I felt that i was late lol


Did you have a dream last night?
no

Is there anyone you want to be with right now?
yes

If your not in a relationship, do you want to be?
i am not in one but I want to be with her...but not yet cuz we don't know each other too well..