it feels like just yesterday, but they tell me its been just over six months that i´ve been here. thats right, over six months i´ve been away from home, over six months i´ve spent learning about myself, learning about this country, learning spanish, and learning about my home, my friends, and my family.
its funny how being so far away can make everything so clear. i´ve definately learnt who my true friends are, and who was just pretending all this time. emails do count, drunken text messages do count, phone calls do count, nexopia comments, for gods sake, count. hearing your voice, seeing your words, knowing that you care, it all counts. when you live in the same town, the same country, when you get to see each other every day, every week, every month, it doesnt matter as much who emails you, not that you dont notice anyway. but when you are a million miles away, and you cant see that persons face, when you cant hug each other, spend time together, when you cant tell each other just how important you really are, all of a sudden the little things feel like the size of the world.
i´ve learned that i really did take the small things for granted, hot water, my morning smoothie, my friends, my family. seeing people, talking to people that have known me for more than a few months. i miss having a history. i miss the way you could read my moods. i miss being with people that know that if you dont feed me i will turn into a bitch, and that if you dont feed me after that you will find me sitting in your basement with the lights turned off and my sunglasses on taking advil and scarfing a minimac. i miss my best friend, and i miss my family.
i miss driving, i miss my cats, a miss my bed, i miss my independence, i miss working, i miss responsibilities.
just in case you wondering.... this is a great experience, but i will be ready to go home in four months. i will be ready when i get off the plane.
i cant wait to see everyone, but mostly, i cant wait to be around my family, to be around people that know me better than i know myself.
and ps.. i cant wait to be with my best friend again. we need to do movie nights, get drunk together, make more tshirts, drive with no where to go, take a ridiculous amount of pictures, make a million more memories.
im glad i took this opportunity, im glad i am in ecuador, but i also know that i will be glad when im finally home.
and it will all come together and be amazing.
and we will all be amazing together.
ban bad karma.
cuz we're all amazing obv.
guess what.
you're gone.
out of my profile.
out of my mind.
out of my life.
oh, and to think i thought friday made it real.
why are you still in my profile?
does taking you out mean its over?
make it all real?
cuz i'm pretty sure friday made it amazingly real.
but guess what?! now i have the ability to write you up.
so next time you act like that. i will. hello hostile working environment.
fuck. why can't i delete you?
like a shoebox of photographs with sepia tone loving
you keep amazing me. apparently someone told you about me liking spontaneous things hey babe?
i'm just bursting i'm so happy.
you don't even know
<33
If you're reading this, if your eyes are passing over this right now,
even if we don't speak often, please post a reply to this blog
with a memory of you and I. It can be anything you want,
either good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph
on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what
people remember about you.
she looks through__blue, sometimes green eyes
she brushes__curly blonde hair
shes been around__seventeen years or so
she stands__fivefeeteightinches
she learns__something new every day
she lives for__life
shes in the class of__'06
she takes the status of__single
she reads her scale at__she hasn't checked since vacation...
she is__unique
she will always__love to laugh
she hears__laughter, music, friends
she smells__sassy
she craves__new adventures
she worries__about stupid things
she regrets__hardly anything
she loves__the people around her
she always__smiles
she dances__with her friends
she sings__in the car with the music turned up too loud to hear herself
she cant stand__being let down
she likes__her friends
she listens__to everyone
she can be found__at mcdonalds. her place of work
she needs__freedom
she knows__whats right and wrong.
she hopes__to live life to the fullest
she wants__the good times to never end, change, but always happen
she always__laughs at corny jokes
she believes__in being honest and true
she thinks__of a certain someone
she usually__demands answers
she turns down__payment for gifts
shes obsessed__with music
she doesnt believe__in a certain religion
she finds__new people amazing
shes scared of__eternal aloneness
she sees__the most wonderful people ever
im really not sure how to deal.
how to comprehend.
i mean,
it doesnt work this way.
it really really really doesnt
cant.
FUCK.
spain
ecuador
argentina
mexico
bolivia
peru
so.
wel all showed our best sides.
we all showed our worst sides.
it was the sunday morning after.
only no one had a snake tattoo.
when someone elses barf is in your hair.
when tears soak your shoulder.
when you scream and run.
and hold hands with old friends.
when you giggle and dance.
when you pass out and cry.
when some people feel ditched.
and others hearts get broken.
when you storm.
when you're disappointed.
when the next day even your bra smells bad.
its one of those memories that will never go away.
we'll laugh at this one at our highschool reunion.
how come guys name kyle are always creeps?
that you would stop making me feel this way. that youwould stop making me feel like im just like her. that you would stop making me cry.
thats just it. everything does. but what if im not ready. what if i want to walk up to you tomorrow and grab you and walk with you. and talk like we used to. what if i wanna cry. what if you hate me. what if its too late now. then what would i do? ps. i care.
