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Hi, James here yet again. Another rant-blog.
So things were going fine with that girl but, she has chosen the guy she met online over me.
he came down this weekend, and i met him. she chose wrong. i am so much better...
Life is a lie...love is a lie, and too many people believe it. love may seem true and that your happy but in the end it fucks us all...and no one is truly happy..
I am going to be my old self. Never opening up to anyone, letting my problems dissolve me from the inside out...letting them kill me...slowly but surely...
I'm tired of finally being fixed and feeling happy enough to show my true feelings just to have my heart broken and shattered...
I am 18 years old, have absolutely NOTHING to show for my pathetic life. All I've done is fail and give up. I am giving up. For good. I am done with this...I'm done with everything.
If you read my blogs, you know this has happened before with a different girl, and well that took me just under 2 years to get over and give "love" another shot. Well this time its different....I'm done with it. Sorry to those people i have been talking to recently and being happy with. This is my feelings this is me.
I can't even think properly at this time so I'll add more later...in the mean time if you read this than...well thanks I suppose...
Bye for now..

Hey again, James here. Just thought I'd give you an up to date blog about what's happening.
So I spent 3 days or so at her house, hanging with her, sleeping together, waking up, hugging, cuddling, kissing, all that bs, and well...I don't even know. She said she was going to get rid of the other guy so we could be together and shit yet she told me (as soon as I left her house) that she wants to be his friend and still meet him. Now to me that feels like I was just lied to and betrayed, considering we had this conversation 2 nights in a row and both times ended in her saying she wants me and all that shit...I don't even know what to do!
Should I keep it with her or just drop it all?
Should I just end it before it gets started?
I'm confused! If anyone who reads this has any advice or suggestions on what to do I'd greatly appreciate it...you can comment or message me and tell me...
So until I figure it out...yet again.

Sincerely;
-James.

Hey again, James here, just wanted to put what's on my mind.
So first off, thought shit was going good with this girl, but i guess (like I said in my last blog) I'm not allowed to be happy. Its basically over before it started...she lied again. This guy she met on the internet is apparantly coming friday, and I don't know what to do!!! I might have to end everything with her, erase her from my memory like I did to the other...I don't want it..bur it might have to be done. She can read this so...idk. I really hope she changes her mind seeing as I am REAL!
The hugs we've had, kisses, falling asleep holding eachother, waking up to eachother, smiling, laughing, having fun together...but then all this happened...no idea what to do!!! Robyn, if you read this please...just don't let this happen...
So until I find out more you will be left with this blog...when I do discover whats really going on I will let you know
Sincerely;
- James.

Hey there, been a while since I've blogged, well now the time has come for another one.
So earlier today I was going to blog about a girl who made me happy but I fucked it up and then I had another chance, or so I thought, and since last night she started ignoring me even after she said she would give "us" another chance and that she loved me. Boy was I foolish for believing that, now I am led to believe that the guy she met, over an internet site such as this that she "fell for" over a month and that they have never met, they are going to be "together" and I am randomly tossed aside like a rag doll, which to me seems unfair and cruel especially after she has led me to believe she loved me. Also i actually confessed to loving her also.
I just don't understand, why am I so unfit to be happy like everyone else?
Why should I be the one to be hurt constantly?
I have done nothing wrong since I've tried to get her back. And to make things worse my depression and thought of suicide have managed to come back and make their way back into my head and heart.
I cannot handle this a second time in my life...this is so hard and it destroys me...
It's funny because people wonder why I'm so angry and upset all the time, well if you've been reading these since the last one happened then you understand. It seems like no matter what I do or try I am the one who is hurt in the end.
Oh and by the way I hope you read this and know the pain you've caused to me.
This is complete bullshit! All the time and effort I put into trying to fix this and all I get is ignored and told by someone else that there is another guy you've never met that is coming to you. Well I hope you enjoy being used and cheated on! You will know the pain I am going through!
People say that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but what if you feel like its the only problem and that no one cares about you and you're alone in the world? then what do you do? I've been throught allot of stuff, and yet I left that life, thought it was in the past, but then, with this new girl it happened all over. I will not mention her nexopia name, althought her name is Robyn, she is sweet, kind, beautiful, a little confusing at time but in general a good person...well this is what I thought before this happened...never thought she'd ever be the girl to do this to me. This is now my second experience with complete destruction of my heart and mind. I do not know what I am going to do...I am devestated...so with that, I end this blog. Who knows if there will be another...
So long and remember

-James.