Messages to a few certain people :
b - not sure if you read that last post or not, but im happy we're good now.
e - seriously babe? please get some morals. please get a decent amount of self respect.
r - i wish you were clean. you dont even know how much it bothers me.
s - k really? i know hes a douche sometimes, but hes my cousin. i would much rather he be happy before you get even a little bit of any sick satisfaction from that.
m - i dont even know about you anymore. honestly.
Every time I hear any Marianas Trench & Hey Monday songs, & Smother Me.. I automatically think of you. Hey Monday 6 months makes me think of last summer.. When everything started. Its so weird listening to them because you come to mind, when you shouldn’t. I still remember listening to them, when I was painting my room, texting you, getting over my ex. Something you helped me achieve. I don’t listen to them much anymore, as I start thinking about you & our relationship. Thing is, summer makes me think of you too. Can’t avoid summer though, now can I? Marianas Trench Beside You, Good To You, Acadia, All To Myself We saw them the night we started dating - August fifth - I remember wanting to tell you I was ready to date when Beside You was playing, but Krista wanted a hug, so you went for a minute. The next song worked just as well anyways though. 21 Guns - I broke up with Thomas to that song. I fell into your arms and cried. I think of both of you when I hear that one.
Smother Me just makes me think of that night, a week before we broke up. Mark made me realize some important shit that night, something that had been in the back of my mind for a long time, but I just didn’t want to realize myself.
He told me, as I talked about the uncertainty I had towards our relationship, “Well If you’re thinking about other guys..” ..that’s all I needed to hear, because, he was right. I had been thinking of Ryley since August 16th, a good 3 and a half months. I know, that’s pretty bullshitty of me, but I couldn’t help it. And I didn’t try to, because he was making me feel better than you ever had. I loved you so much, I really did. But I knew I couldn’t keep up with both my relationship with you, and flourishing feelings for Ryley at the same time. Truth be told, even though we weren’t dating, Me and Ryley were seeming to be working out better.
I don’t know what the point of this blog is, I don’t think you’ll ever read it, but if you do, text me? I miss you. I honestly do. You can be such a cool guy, and you can still make me smile & laugh. I wish we could still be friends, but I still don’t fully feel like you’re ready for that yet. You still blame me for the shit that’s happening in your life, 3 months later. I’ll admit, I kinda did screw you over. Call me a bitch, call me a whore. I’d understand why. I just want to be able to believe that you’re over our relationship. It was beautiful, fun, but it threw a lot of surprises at me. Why cant our current friendship be like it was in the beginning? We confided in each other, had so much fun.. But now.. You just make me feel worse every time I try to talk to you. We just fight, and end up not talking at all. Then weeks later, you act as though nothing happened. I was seriously sketched out when you texted me last weekend. I didn’t know if you were just trying to show off, or if you wanted to see me.. Im getting mixed messages from you. Are you really ready to be friends again? Have you seriously put all of this behind you? I am, I have.
Sometimes, I know I shouldn’t bother with you at all. That’s what everyone tells me. You just mess shit up even more when I get back up on my feet. I wonder if its even worth to try being friends with you. Whatever. If you care… Hit me up sometime?
Ps. Im sorry .
