unknown to them
holding back the emotions
a ticking time bomb
awaiting the perfect moment
to let it all go
caged in feelings
the scream sitting in your throat
waiting to escape
to grace the world
with presence of the real you

It is a curious sensation: the sort of pain that goes mercifully beyond our powers of feeling.
When your heart is broken, your boats are burned: nothing matters any more.
It is the end of happiness and the beginning of peace.

To love and hate someone at the same time.
It's hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same.
When you want everything and nothing at the same time.
When you want to let go but keep holding on.
When you want to move on but you're stuck right where you started.
When feelings come and go and you can't decide what you want.
It's so hard when you want to see that one person every day and when you do, you don't know what to say.
When you know they are right beside you, but you don't know how to react.
When you want them in your life so bad but all you can do is push them further and further away.
It's so hard to think back on how things used to be and look at it now and realize that things are different and they will never be the same.
You tell yourself it's not worth it, but if it really didn't matter you wouldn't spend so much time thinking about it, right?
It's hard to wait around for something you know might never get back, but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you've ever had...

standing tall
she hides her true feelings behind the wall she's built
the one he broke down
it's taken all her strength to put it back up
failing miserably.
she hides it well.
the fake smile, the forced laughter,
she pretends everything is fine
behind closed doors
her world turns upside down
nothing makes sense anymore
from one extreme to another in 24 hours time
she can't do anything right anymore.
mistakes make up her life.
uncertainty fills her dreams
he seems to have stopped holding her up.
she's falling again with no one to catch her

-clifford?! paahahaha "CRASH!"....oops "OWW my nose hurts now"
-bubbles&jello
-ballaaas 4life
-peter pan
-TOOTSIE ROLLS!!!!!!..."shit where'd it go?"
-country
-spinny thing..."oh my god...i'm gonna hurl!!!" : "ohhh no, stay away from me"
-im just gunna lay down on the bench for a bit
-can i wear your jacket?..hell no, wear hers
-badum badum badumbadumbadum badum baduuuuuum badadadum..oooh the sharksys is gunna gets you!
-can have a candy? no. oh ok thanks.
-that dress makes you look like a poodle...that's why i didn't want to come out in the first place!!
-ooh candy....no sara stay out of the candy...but but but....NO CANDY!!!!!
-damnit im stuck in this goddamn dress!! get me out of here!!!
-ooh look at the corsettes...i wanna wear one...."i can't breathe"..told you so
-oooh grad dresses lets try them on...we don't grad for like 4 years...so it's always good to plan ahead.
-look look!! i won a care bear..ohh i want one
-awww look they're gonna be bestest friends.... buuut mines better
-we are gonna go party!!! uhh where is this party that you're planning on us going too?...umm i dunno yet....oh boy ok then
-aww look it's a goat....oh wow my god its ugly
-ohh those would go with your pants!!..i look like dorathy...nah they'd need to be red.
-thats the one that got stuck!!
-i just spat in my hair, ohh now i have toothpaste hair...meh at least it smells good.
-mitch&nike
-you just threw a fucking chocolate at me!
-oooooh shotgun!
-wanna get us some more juice? not really. oh well that wasnt a question
-uhh sara your scoreboard just burnt out
-friggin calgarians
-god damnit sara/nicki how many times do i HAVE to tell you...im not a lesbian

I don't think you realize just how much i truly miss this.

What defines a best friend? What are the requirements to be a good best friend? How many hours a week does it entail? Stupid questions that have no answers. A best friend is not defined by how many times they talk on the phone, or how many hours they hang out together. It is not defined by how many sleepovers they gossip at, or how many inside jokes they have. There are no requirements or laws that state that a good best friend must hang out with them every weekend, or tell each other every little detail. A best friend is a matter of opinion. It is the person who has been there for you through everything, not just through the fun things, or the little things. It is the person that you call when you are at your absolute worst, it is the person who saves you when you didn't even notice that you needed saving, mostly it is the person who accepts you for who you are, & the person that you are becoming.

no matter how many people say they know me
they don't
no matter how many people say they understand me
they don't
...how can they know me
when i don't even know myself
...how can they understand me
when i don't even understand myself?

HOMOPHOBIA
Picture This:
You are a heterosexual person living in a homosexual world.
Downstairs your two mothers are preparing your breakfast.
There are two men holding hands on the cover of the magazine laying on the table, on the radio the announcer is talking about the latest scandal:
“A female celebrity is going out with, can you believe it, a male celebrity?!
As you step into the school, you hear people laughing and saying things like,
“That’s so straight."
Friends of yours are talking to you about how last weekend they were hanging out with the cutest same-sex person.
You want desperately to talk about the person of the oppostie sex that you met, but are too afraid of ridicule.
Going to one of your classes, you’re bumped into so hard you drop all your books as the voices of your peers ring with things like,
“Fucking hetero!"
This just shows you a glimpse of what it’s like in the day of a homosexual. If you think homophobia is wrong, copy this into your profile

You know that girl you're with...
talk to her in movie theatres.
Pick her up and pretend you're going to throw her in the river
she'll scream and fight you but secretly, she'll love it.
Hold herhand and run.
Just hold her hand.
Pick flowers from other peoples gardens and give them to her.
Tell her she looks pretty.
Let her pay for stuff if she wants to.
Introduce her to your friends as "The most awesome girl I know"
Sit in the park and talk to her.
Take her to the library, and playgrounds, and train stations.
Tell her dirty jokes.
Tell her stupid jokes.
Write poems about her.
Just walk around with her.
Throw pebbles at her window at night.
When she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her.
Take her to shows of bands shes never heard of.
Let her fall asleep in your arms.
Call her.
Call her back if she calls you.
Sing to her, no matter how bad you are
Get her mad, then kiss her.
Give her piggy-back rides.
Give her space if she needs it.
Push her on swings.
Stay up with her all night when shes sick.
Make up pet names for her, but cool ones, not sappy ones.
Teach her guitar.
Lend her your cd's.
Write on her.
Write her letters.
Listen to all the bands she mentions.
Don't tell her that her favorite bands suck.
When she's sad, hang out with her or stay on the phone with her,
even if she's not saying anything.
Buy her ice cream.
Let her take all the photos of you she wants.
Be yourself and be comfortable when your with her.
Look into her eyes.
Slow dance with her, even if the music is fast.
Kiss her in the rain.
When you fall in love with her, tell her.

Oh him..?
He just…
Has the most adorable eyes you could ever fall for
The most stunning smile that will always take your breath away.
He can make you laugh even when you want to cry.
When you look at him it's hard to turn away.
& when he wraps his arms around you
you never want him to let you go

For it was not
into my ear
you whispered,
but into my heart.
It was not my lips
you kissed,
but my soul.

What Is Your Deepest Fear?

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God
that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others."