"for many years i was known as a monk, i shaved my head and wore robes and got up very early. i hated everyone but i acted generously and no one found me out. my reputation as a ladies man was a joke, it caused me to laugh bitterly through the ten thousand nights i spent alone"

"i have this crush, this crazy crazy crush. it's gotta be the biggest crush of the entire century. it keeps me up at night and makes me want to sleep really late because maybe i'll dream about him. it's a boy. a boy crush. sometimes i think about him so much i think i should just slam my head into a wall. but i love this crush, the way i get excited about life in different ways than usual, see things in new ways, see new potentials, like the back of my garage, freight elevators, rooftops. they take on new dimensions. i was walking to downtown oakland the other day and saw this field and just wanted him with me so i could chase him through the field and tackle him and we could get leaves in our hair and i'd kiss the freckle on his ear."

"then the system of strings tugs on the tip of my wings
(cut from cardboard and old magazines)
makes me warble and rise like a sparrow
and in the place where i stood, there is a circle of wood
a cord or two, which you chop and you stack in your barrow
it is terribly good to carry water and chop wood
streaked with soot, heavy booted and wild-eyed;
as i crash through the rafters
and the ropes and pulleys trail after
and the holiest belfry burns sky-high
then the slow lip of fire moves across the prairie with precision
while, somewhere, with your pliers and glue you make your first incision
and in a moment of almost-unbearable vision
doubled over with the hunger of lions
'hold me close', cooed the dove
who was stuffed, now, with sawdust and diamonds
i wanted to say: why the long face?
sparrow, perch and play songs of long face
burro, buck and bray songs of long face!
sing: i will swallow your sadness and eat your cold clay
just to lift your long face"

"theres only one sound
it fills the air like a chorus of you
i only feel one thing
rolls over me like a wave of you
i get so alone
cant sleep cause im haunted by you
theres miles in between
theres miles between me and you and
your blue eyes
blue your baby blue eyes
blue eyes
blue your baby blue eyes
theres beauty in the way
the sunset still reminds me of you
its been so long since we talked
i keep a place in my heart for you
when i get so alone
i try to fill it with dreams of you
but theres a page ripped out
i cant finish this story of you and
your blue eyes
blue your baby blue eyes
blue eyes
blue your baby blue eyes
you act like you're so tough
but ive seen into the heart of you
you've got a little laugh
i cant forget the little things you do
theres beauty in the way
the sky fills with the color of you
theres miles inbetween
theres miles and miles between me and you and
your blue eyes
blue your baby blue eyes
blue eyes
blue your baby blue eyes"

"and this goes out to anyone who knows where my head has been these past few days. im a wreck, im a wreck, oh i guess im okay. i just get a little bit lonely when it snows outside"

"it's times like this that remind me of that one day, at the beach... you remember don't you? it was awfully busy and we didn't really even want to be there but... just laying with you, in the sand, just seemed too perfect. the bustling sounds melted away, the obnoxious families melted away, and the waves came crashing in. kinda like how our love came crashing into me, overwhelming but utterly...utterly beautiful."

"and if you were here
i'd say i love you so
i wish you were here
but you're not
and every romance language says you sound the same"

"i wish that i could get you to call me, i wish that you were standing beside me but i will never be with you. i wish that on my trip to way back way of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend. and life is long when you're lonely."

"it's almost like everything you ever thought would happen wouldn't anymore because you realized it's a load of shit. no one really gets it but it's never fucking coming, happiness isnt, security isnt, anything you were taught to strive for isn't fucking coming so just shut up and realize that our only purpose on this earth is to DIE."

"what do you mean? millions of individuals all have the same purpose? you're telling me that every single fucking person believes in their individuality and their free will and their personal purpose and impact when it all means jack shit?"

"hell, you better hope so because it's not like anything else fucking wants us to survive so might as well have a massive fucking suicide pact."

"you're psycho you know that?"

"you wish i were, i'm just being the only fucking realistic person in this whole damn world."

"it's a hard thing to admit, using people. it's like an addiction, you use them when you want them and then they just... float into the distance. but when they stop coming back is when it hurts, it's close to heart break. well to be honest, i don't even know what heart break is, it just seems like what you'd explain it as. maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow i'll change my ways. i just can't help it anymore, i keep no one close, but never that far away either. have you ever lied to the most important people just so they don't leave? i think i have, well i know i've lied. but i don't know who's the most important anymore. i'm a selfish, terrible, terrifying human being, i'm a monster and i'm just trying to find my self again."

“look closely enough and you'll find everything has a weak spot where, sooner or later, it will break.”

"and your eyes are slits and bags of fat
and your eyes are pissholes in the snow
and your eyes are slits and bags of fat
and your eyes are pissholes in the snow"

"then i wept with my face in your night shirt, trying hard as hell to say "until death separates us," loosening the skin on your breastbone, i painted your nails and you sleep while i write all this down."

but marriage was dangerous. the part of marriage she mistrusted most was the part about being loved. the fact of being loved was difficult: almost intolerable. being loved was letting others feed from your resources - all you had in life was put in jeopardy. maybe you had to give yourself away. but young tom ross was persuasive in a way she could not resist. he did not ask for her. he offered himself. in time, he was a gift she clung to. he urged her to be free.

"i find no peace, and all my war is done
i fear and hope; i burn and freeze like ice.
i fly above the wing, yet can i not arise.
and naught i have and all the world i seize on.
that looseth nor locketh, holdeth me in prison
and holdeth me not, yet can i 'scape no wise;
nor letteth me live nor die at my device,
and yet of death it giveth me occasion.
without eyen i see, and without tongue i plain.
i desire to perish, and yet i ask health.
i love another, and thus i hate myself.
i feed me in sorrow and laugh in all my pain.
likewise displeaseth me both death and life,
and my delight is causer of this strife."