you have no idea what it's like to be alone all the time.
i haven't said more than two words all day.
you don't know what my life is like,
you don't know what it feels like to have no one, all the time.

To: crossXfire
From: tarianjan
Date: Sun Feb 13, 2011 10:08 am
Subject: wanna chat on MSN
Hello,
this is tari
and i am Looking for new friends
i saw your profile and wanted to know more about u
you are looking so cutie and innocent in your nex pic
if you don’t mind may we can chat on MSN
tari_anlone@hotmail.com
Waiting for your cool response
Thanks and take care
Tari

i'm losing patience for it, that's all.

it's when i'm not writing that i think of all the best things.
i'll arrange myself afterwards in front of a paper and a pen,
or even a keyboard.
but the words will be lost, already.

sometimes i wonder if this means that i've got a block,
or that maybe i'm really just not a writer anymore.
do things like that just stop being a talent?
maybe i'm not a lover of prose.
i'm a cheater.

there are things i've loved and let go before, surely.
piano, dance, lovers, friends.
most of them i've reached back to again, as time passes.
but like writing, my talent seems to not be so talented anymore.
maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

fate,
fuck it.

i tell myself to make my own destiny,
but the places i arrive to do nothing but disappoint.
if my fate isn't good enough,
what do i do?

How Much have YOU changed in 1 year today.

How old were you?
Then: 18
Now: 19

Where did you go to school?
Then: Nowheree, working.
Now: Ugh, still working.

Where did you work?
Then: Bentley
Now: Peoples

Where did you live?
Then: downtown.
Now: at home.

Where did you hang out?
Then: the house downtown.
Now: wherever i want.

What was your hair style:
Then: black and longer.
Now: dark brown & spunkyy

Did you wear glasses?
Then: ya
Now: yaaa

Who was your regular-person crush?
Then: probbs my girlfriend at the time lol
Now: i always like a couple people. to keep it exciting LOL

How many tattoos did you have?
Then: 0
Now: ONE.

How many piercings did you have?
Then: 9
Now: 9 ( except i took one out and pierced another. :p)

What car did you drive?
Then: i didn't have my learners.
Now: i really need to get my learners.

What was your worst fear?
Then: tons of things.
Now: i conquered 'em all. LOL

Stopped by the cops?:
Then: yeeea
Now: yeeea x2

Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter?
Then: taken
Now: single, and probably still bitter.

tonight has been an ego boost.
i neeeeeeded it. :]

maybe you're right,
maybe i can't fill my life with broken people anymore.

i need to head somewhere,
to a bright new future.

if someone told me that i was just some girl with daddy issues,
i'd probably punch them.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn,
But that's alright,
Because I like the way it hurts.
Just gonna stand there, and hear me cry
But that's alright, because I like the way you lie.
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer
I suffocate
And right before im about to drown
She resuscitates me
She fucking hates me
And I love it
Wait
Where you going
I'm leaving you
No you ain't
Come back
We're running right back
Here we go again
It's so insane
Cause when it's going good
It's going great
I'm Superman
With the wind in his bag
She's Lois Lane
But when it's bad
It's awful
I feel so ashamed

it's hard cause i still love you, still wanna be attached to you, and still be held, kissed, and adored by you.





it's hard cause we're just not really there anymore.