sometimes i want to hurt you.
not physicaly, or even in a very obvious way.
i just want to do things that i know will bother you, and act as if it's all okay.
like leaving.. reminders of what we had, and what i've chosen not to have with you.
i want you to develop an intense hatred for me.
i want to make it clear to you that you could not satisfy me.

i don't know why.
it hurts that you tried so hard, and i couldn't feel anything.
i don't want there to be anything wrong with me, especialy not something that compromises my ability to feel.

knowing you, you'd still love me.
you really shouldn't.
love the sores on the backs of your hand, love the bruises on your calves.
but for fuck's sake, do not love me.



something odd either happened or i dreamed it.
i don't know if i want it to have happened.
i don't know if it matters.