And here you will find some random poetry of mine. i really couldnt care less if you like it or not but here it is:
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My heart bleeds of crying pain, for you left me with this emptiness
Burning nitemare of reality seeping through my veins
The cold of nite thickening in the darkness
Trapped in my own foolish mistakes
And still calling for you
Still dying for you
When will you come home and find me waiting with stiff open arms
Open eyes so deep and lifeless
For I will have died waiting for my love to return
The fire dead
For words never said
Lingered in my mind as I waited
Im numb
Incapable of thought or feeling
Now that you’ve returned
My heart bleeds of pain for you left me
Once again
And emptiness surrounds me
With its quiet deadliness I know all too well
But im numbed
Theres nothing like the smell of rotting flesh in the morning
Sometimes you cant just push a button
And throw it all away
Save the love notes for a rainy day
When the clouds spread a shadow across the silver lined sky
Unfold the creased pages, reread the words read so many times before
And know that you wont walk in through that door
The wind sweeps away any reason, I left my common sense with my blood on the barbed wire fence
I cant ignore your existence, weakening with my resistance, losing sight of my morality my values dissolve into the abyss at the thought of your last kiss
What happened to what I though we had
What I thought we had
I created the fairy tale within the depths of my soul, where I was safe, I had my knight in shining armour. Why did you fucking stab me in the back, ruin everything impress upon me reality
Slit my wrists and wipe the blood clean. Close my eyes and wipe off the make up im not waking up this time. Destined to forever sing with the spirits our songs of sorrow, until tomorrow
Look whats been done, who to blame. And the doctor told my mother I wasn’t sane. Madness was my gift from you, to help me make it through the thickening mists, the flying fists, I actually fucking thought you wanted me to pull through
Add it to my book of mistakes, dear
And the rhythm fades, replaced by a soft-sung tune
My darling father never expected me to die so soon
The hospital said there was nothing to be done, I was already lost. I don’t regret the pain I caused after you broke my fragile heart, you ripped me apart, and I didn’t get to start over.
I hope youre fucking sorry now look at the mess you made. Heres a broom, I hope you cut yourself on the jagged edges, love
I guess I should have known it from the beginning, I shouldn’t have had a doubt when I saw all the smiles were only fake because the nurses told my mother I was a big mistake, I was just a big mistake.
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If dreams could be reality
And reality a dream
And nothing would appear as it would seem
The confusion would not torture her thoughts
The pandemonium would not wreak havoc on her ears
He would not bring truth to her fears
If only she could elude each of her flaws
To please him, please him so
For her hearts deepest desire
Is only to be everything he ever wanted
And she finds herself
As everything
He never wanted
Living through each grey-stained day
Her smile has seemed to fade away
She feels her heart breaking
But it still beats
It still fights to hold on to her everything
Her everything to which she is only nothing
A hot tear trickles down her cold cheek
For her soul has died
She calls upon the bitterness to mask her tribulation
She can find no consolation
But from the one who caused it all
Once upon a time made her life worthwhile
And she hangs on to that memory by a breaking thread
Severed by the cruel words said
In the back of her convoluted mind
She wonders if this isn’t all just an exaggeration
A paper cut, not a laceration
The blood is just a figment of her imagination
She is her own worst enemy of her own creation
If only the answer could come clearly
But it is overcome by thick silver mists
So all she can do is slowly struggle through them
And hope to come upon the path which will show her the way
Hope that a rainbow creeps through by the end of the day
All she can do
Is hope.
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15/07/05
(yes, i tend not to name anything i write
)
I take a breath and I try to drown myself in thoughts of him
Surrounded by this world of iridescence
And his beautiful face swims clear across my mind
I can see it as though it were right in front of me.
I let the water cleanse my soul and wash away my tears because when hes here theres nothing to fear.
With his arms around me, the warmth and love reaches every extremity of my bruised body
The pieces of my broken heart seem to find each other and I can feel them coming together again for the first time in years. Ive found the strength to move on from my shattered life, to be strong, and lay down my knife and do anything to make him happy, no matter what it takes, no matter how my heart may ache.
The shadow of a doubt creeps into my mind
I know that Love was never kind to me until I met him and I dare not believe all this could happen to me
I get the impression it’s a little bit of magic
Its everything I dreamed when I was a little girl
But when I look into his eyes, I cant find the power to keep myself on guard should he break my heart, and cause my life to fall apart, because im overcome with love.
hes the one I chose to live for, but hes also the one id slit my throat for.
Hes so perfect all I can do is pray that he doesn’t see me as the failure I seem to be, that im good enough for him
I think about him constantly
The sunlight penetrates the surface of the water and I just cant take it any longer I reach up my hand and feel the wind and then his grip pulls me back to land
I may not be safe, but at least im with him for even only a moment, a moment ill savour, a moment to treasure, to remember forevermore, whatever the future brings with the rising of every sun.
^^I wrote this poem about the guy who changed my life. He never saw it and probably never will. and he'll probably never know how much i love him. and no matter what change time brings, a part of me will always love him^^
Never bother with goodbye
A bloody tear escapes my eyes
And travels the well-worn road down my face
It burns my skin, the pain within is overwhelming
I feel as though I’m on fire, but I can’t escape this cold
I know now, in hindsight, I should have done as I was told
Bitter bile finds its way up my throat.
Burning acid stings like the wounds you’ve inflicted on my heart
Why did you plague me with your dishonesty?
Seven years bad luck that will last eternally
You let those foul untruths escape your lips
And you knew it was what I hoped to hear
We would sit and talk about anything
Our long debates of democracy
What we loved, had done, and hated
When all this time you played the game of hypocrisy
I only wanted to be anything you’d ever prayed for.
You were my obsession
The star at night who’d always guide me home
This is my confession
And you’ve left me here to roam
Aimlessly, hopelessly, endlessly
Lonely
Evermore trying to find what I used to live for
Before you came along
The color has escaped my world
All is bland, decorated with countless shades of gray
Night has ceased to differ from the day
Or perhaps I’ve simply lost the will to care
Because you’re no longer there.
I’ve yet to feel the bitter pain in my heart subside
A hurt so deep, so overwhelming, impossible to hide.
But trust me love, I’ve tried.
I packed up everything from you
Safe and tucked away
In a box, in my closet
Until the time comes to open these wounds anew.
I can’t stand the sight of them, I just need to know they’re near
The certainty my life once new in a short-lived painful moment
Managed to disappear
Darling I could never forget you
But maybe when I put these words to parchment
I can begin to accept my fate
Move on and pick up the pieces
Lose myself in the next fantasy my heart can create
The shadows will slowly recede
The color will creep its way back into the empty spaces,
Now bleak and full of sadness
Evoke emotion into desperate faces
A world verging on madness
And I let go
Of the tears and laughter
I let go
Of the fights that broke my heart
And let go
Of the moments that made me glad we let this start
I let go
of the memories
And I’m letting go
Of you
I’m letting go
Of everything
I wish you luck my love
And you will always be my angel
Sent to me from up above
I let it all go
Hide from the exposure
Let it all go
I’m searching for some closure
