PRETTY SWEET I GUESS...
Ii like soccer, golf, football, basketball, and any sports really. I like lots of music. I like rock, Metal and all that awesome jazz (death metal and all that awesome shit), jazz is okay to i guess, blues, all my friends and i heart girls
1. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be
legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
b) After wrecking your boss' Ferrari
c) When your date is using her teeth
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a
friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is
off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
6. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's
running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time is 6 minutes
7. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
8. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
another man. (In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is
strictly optional.)
9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you
may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may
never ask who's playing.
10 You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have
brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for
the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your
girlfriend.
11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when
you're sunning on a tropical beach.... and it's delivered by a
topless supermodel...and it's free.
12. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
13. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem---you didn't
see nothin'.
14. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated
as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the
ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
15. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the
death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set
it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.
16. If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be
talking about his choice of beer.
17. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting
weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
d) Nice Ass, are you a Sagittarius?
18. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal
footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all
other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the
conversation you need.
19. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than
you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the
phone; Hang up if necessary.
20. When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only
in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.
21. never hit on a friends girlfind...ever.. no exeptions...period
Life as a Saskatchewanian
1. "Vacation" means going to some small town you've never heard of for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
5. You use a down comforter in the summer.
6. Your grandparents drive at 100 km/h through four meters of
snow during a blizzard, without flinching.
7. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend
knows how to use them.
8. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a
snowsuit.
9. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are
filled.
10. You know both seasons: Winter and construction.
11. You are bundled up in three sweaters, a parka, ski pants, a
toque, two pairs of mittens, boots past your knees in 3 feet of snow
in a -35 (-8000 with the wind-chill) blizzard, your eyelashes are
frozen together, your nose is running, you can't feel your toes, and
you still stop at 7 Eleven for a Slurpee on the way home.
12. You actually understand these jokes
An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, the Almighty. He asks one of his new students to stand and.....
Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.
Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.
Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student: Yes.
Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?
(Student is silent.)
Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fellow. Is God good?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Is Satan good?
Student: No
Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Student: From...God...
Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student: Yes.
Prof: So who created evil?
(Student does not answer.)
Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student: Yes, sir.
Prof: So, who created them?
(Student has no answer.)
Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and serve the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelled your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student: Yes.
Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof: Yes, faith. And that is the problem science has.
Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.
Student: And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.
Student: No sir. There isn't.
(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have any thing called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)
Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student: You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light.... But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it is called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)
Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
(The class is in uproar.)
Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)
Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelled it?.....No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student.)
Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student: That is it, sir.. The link between man & God is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive.
Guess who that young man was... ALBERT EINSTEIN.......
Got A Problem With Me? Solve It
Think I'm Tripping? Tie my shoes
Can't Stand Me? Sit the fuck down
Can't Face Me? Turn the fuck around
Hate or Love me? Either way, you're still thinking about me.
Think I'm stuck up? Try and pull me down.
Cant say it to my face? Dont say it at all.
Speechless? Good. Shut The Fuck Up
When worst comes to worst, my people come First.
Blink-182
TRIVIUM
TERROR
As I Lay Dying
My Chemical Romance
There alot more bands i like but these are my absolute faves
