White people have nams like lenny where black people have names like carl
Da Mammas "Dats the BIG momma"
Anything on a tooth pick is free
Game ticket: $45, Steroids: $5000, Barry Bonds never winning the world seris: Pricless
Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.
Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.
A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. 6 feet tall, 300 pounds ... it makes ice.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Hey, we didn't have a message on our answering machine when we left. How very odd.
Oh, so they have internet on computers now!
when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get.
Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1... 2.
Please do not offer my god a peanut.
Silly customer, you cannot hurt a Twinkie!
My Son is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a