The sun is really big.. and it covers everyone at least one time a day.
It's kinda like God.. but he does it all day.
The thing is.. I wish I could be the Sun.
To take the time out to hang out with the people I love.
To be what i've always wanted to be.
It seems as if growing up made us want to stand straighter,
Try harder, and fly faster.
Well here's my slow down.
If you try to be like the Sun all you will do is burn out,
And then no one will survive.
It can't be done, so I let it go.
The metamorphosis that took place
Didn't produce that beautiful butterfly
and you stand now,
The strong shell and failing wings.
The belief that was in me is now washed away by the point of steel.

ssssss...

so many memories.
thank you ALL cast for being so fun.

"how about not equating death with stopping "[/i]

thank you .
the song by alanis morissette... maybe some of you know it.. or like it or hate it. regardless, the words are powerful...especially that line.. it just opened my mind so much.

what if we didn't see death as a stopping point.
what if we saw it as a beginning.
sometimes it's hard... especially when it's someone who is close to you who passes away.
but if we could choose to think of it as a commencement to something better and look at what good it could possibly bring to us and to them.

to us..
it can bring us a strength as we struggle through it.
it can help us to appreciate life so much more.
it will cause us to want to live fully and wholeheartedly.
it will teach us to love more and hate less.
[/i]
it will bring peace from pain if they were hurting or sick.
it can bring them everlasting life.
it can put them in a way better place with no pain.
[/center]
[/i]
clarity.
perspective.
[/font][/right]

[/b]

lately I'm alright
and lately I'm not scared
i've figured out,
that what you do to me feels like
i'm floating on air.
i don't need to know right now
all I know is I believe
in the very thing that got us here
and now I can't leave.
say anything, but say what you mean,
cause I'm caught in
now,
i'm wanting this for sure
and i'll beg for nothing more.
i'll plan all day and drive all night
you'll love what's in store.
i can't seem to stop this now
even if it's not so clear,
and i'll take what i can get.
if you want me here
say anything, but say what you mean.
when you whisper you want this
your eyes tell the same.


Cause I'm caught in
it's enough for me to get excited,
it's enough for me to feel...Oh!
[/center][/font]

irrelavance.


a choice. your choice. are you going to choose to be irrelavant? you might. but i think you should take just one second and look at yourself. wait. not one second. longer. take a bit. look at who you are. what you can do. what you can't do that you want to do. what you love. maybe you hold dearly your fourth grade shoes, or your best friend , or maybe its hard cash. maybe you love it when someone smiles, or a hard run, or maybe even baseball. i couldn't imagine why you'd like baseball... but all the power to you. maybe i should open my mind to it. anyhow.. the point is.. once you've thought of these things... what relevance do they have?

are they relavant.?
; do they make you wanna JUMP UP and down and laugh.. or lightly chuckle and rub your belly.. or do they make you just straight up bawl.
are they relavant?
;too here
;too now
; too then
; too later

be careful what you hold your relevance in. or your identity in. because you have to think about what it's all worth. is it relavant to listen to someone talk about this??? to listen to me talk about this? to me it is. i love it when people listen to me. just listen.. even if i talk to much. but that is relavant in my life.
and i;m sure in most of yours.

[/color]
is it relavant?

if you ever read this i hope you know there's hope
if you believe there's hope i know you will make it
if you can't see past yourself that's where you fall
if you fall and only see yourself you won't let anyone help you up
if you fall .. therefore you won't get up
if you can't care for someone's problems you can't connect
can't relate
can't love
can't hope for someone else.
if you read this i hope you can see what i mean.
i hope you can see.
i hope you see.

it's like... all of a sudden...
i'm not in the same place everyone is..
just isn't happening like that..
maybe some people are ; but i feel like i need to calm down..
cuz... life = responsibility.....
like what?? are u kidding me??
you might say.
or you might say.. are you kidding... you just realized that..?
but yea... i knew it... but now i'm experiencing it.

all i know is you will get it when it hits you for real.
if it does...
if you let it...
either way... sooner or later.

while i'm at this... i am really hit by the fact... that God
can forgive anything.
that's what he says... and... it's so intense.
think about it.

1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?
[12] Would you fuck me?
[13] Are we close?
[14] Emotionally, what stands out?
[15] Do you wish I was cooler?
[16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
[17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[18] Am I loveable?
[19] How long have you known me?
[20] Describe me in one word.
[21] What was your first impression?
[22] Do you still think that way about me now?
[23] What do you think my weakness is?
[24] Do you think I'll get married?
[25] What about me makes you happy?
[26] What about me makes you sad?
[27] What reminds you of me?
[28] What's something you would change about me?
[29] How well do you know me?
[30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[31] Do you think I would kill someone?
[32] Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?

poultry . chipotle . tickker tape . kentucky derby . horlicks . madhatter.


thanks to everyone who helped me discover my most loathed words... haha... but i shouldn't keep them on my page... cuz then ppl say them all the time... and no one reads this.

i jus think about it over n over again.
nelly n tim mcgraw just totally say it all. haha. how cheesy does that even sound. sometimes i just dont understand where everyone is comin from.. n why i always have this feeling of being caught up in the middle. i guess that's jus the way life goes sometimes but it's frustrating hearing all about other people when u truly wanna hear bout you. as selfish as it sounds.. who knows. i just have to be strong in Him.